We saw music legend Chaka Khan, 62, ready to rumba at the start of the 2015 season of ABC's Dancing With the Stars.
Gary Busey, 71; Chaka Khan, 62; and Paula Deen, 68"Look out for me," she boldly told her Twitter fans before doing a cha-cha to one of her own songs, I Feel For You, on premiere night. And then we saw her become the first celebrity to get booted from the show.
Still, we were inspired. And we continue to be because, as always, the over-50 competitors are tearing up the ballroom. OK, maybe not with technique, but with humor and style.
Let’s Hear It for These Hoofers
Seasoned celebs are always a key part of the Dancing cast. And it only makes sense, as the median age of a DWTS viewer is 61.6, according to Nielsen ratings. We like watching the older performers try to be lords of the dance. And, yes, we like the beauty, grace and admirable abs of everyone on the floor.
Dancing With the Stars has boosted a renewed interest in ballroom dancing, which once seemed on the brink of extinction. Just hours after Dancing's premiere in 2005, an Arthur Murray studio in Boston reported a 600 percent increase in visitors to its website, reported the Christian Science Monitor. Through the years, the series has showed that dynamism, sex appeal, stamina and, yes, athleticism, are attainable for anyone.
Donny Osmond was 51 when he became the Season 9 champ in 2009, and still holds the title as the oldest male DWTS winner. Jennifer Grey, who won in 2010 at age 50 is the oldest female DWTS winner to date.
On nearly every season, there are victories for the boomers-and-beyond group. Kirstie Alley, at 60, came in second place in 2011. Stoner comedian Tommy Chong, at 76, wowed fans and made it to the semifinals of Season 19 last fall. Designer Betsey Johnson, 73, literally cartwheeled her way through much of that same season. Valerie Harper, 74 and battling brain cancer, danced through week four of her season in 2013. Cloris Leachman, the oldest competitor ever, amused and charmed everyone in 2008 at age 82.
There's hope for us all.
And did we mention weight loss? Political commentator and radio show host Tavis Smiley, who competed last year at age 50, lost 20 pounds during several weeks of rehearsals before the show even started.
Are you inspired? Ready to try a little samba for yourself and finally unleash your Footloose fantasies?
4 Tips to Help You Take That First Dance Step
We turned to Dancing With the Stars pro Louis van Amstel, founder of LaBlastFitness.com dance programs and Paula Deen's pro partner this season, for tips to help get you started.
"It is thrilling," he says, to see Deen, who has "never danced before and never seen the inside of a gym," tackle the numbers each week. And it can be thrilling for you.
1: Stop telling yourself that you can't.
"Many people — doesn't matter what age — but especially over-50 — they say, 'I can't.' That t-double-o word is what I don't like," says van Amstel. "I'm too left-footed. I'm too old. I'm too overweight."
Stop the negative talk. Says van Amstel: "We limit ourselves when we do that. Instead, focus on the dance — and anything's possible."
He adds, "Paula (Deen) is now a kind of living example. Yes, she's 68, but that doesn't mean she can't be sexy, doesn't mean she can't move in a way she thought she couldn't."
2: Start moving and keep moving.
"People are fearful of falling. They become inactive. But the opposite is so much healthier," says van Amstel. "The more you move, the less fearful you have to be and the less fearful you will be. Dance is a wonderful way to build confidence so that at a later age you are not fearful of falling."
And dance isn't just excellent for balance and agility. Van Amstel notes, "Dancing can help prevent Alzheimer's and dementia. It's good for your brain."
3: Light stretching is key.
You don't need to be able to do the splits or even touch your toes. "Light stretching" is all you need to do, says van Amstel.
"It has been scientifically proven that deep stretching puts more stress on the muscle," he says. So just do some light stretching before you start. And don't forget a warm-up and cool down.
4: Don't be intimidated.
"If a person Size 2 is teaching a group, a person Size 12 or bigger is intimidated and won't want to take the class," van Amstel says. But he urges you to view your instructor as inspiring, not intimidating. They are there to teach you, not judge you.
If you need to ease into it, he adds that you can do many of his LaBlast Fitness dance programs in your home, using online courses and DVDs. But the key is to let go of the idea that you're too anything.
If you walk into one of van Amstel's dance studios and start saying you're too old, it won't fly. "We will shush you. We don't want to hear it. We don't believe it," he says. "Don't be afraid to dance. It is life changing. Anyone can dance."
 


4 Tips to Dance Like Chaka Khan at Any Age

Ann Oldenburg

Katie Couric has regrets. Even to this day.
When the former TV news anchor spoke at Georgetown University at an event titled "The Healing Power of Communication" in August, 2019, she said she wished she had talked more to her late husband, Jay Monahan, about his impending death before he succumbed to colon cancer at 42 in 1998.
"The baby boomer generation has had a greater degree of control over their lives than any other generation before them ... every topic that's taboo — be it sex, be it drugs — it's all on television and it's all being talked about. And death is the last taboo.""It was just terrible," Couric said. "After nine months of trying desperately to figure out some way to manage it, he lost his battle — and it was devastating."
She explained that she's writing her memoir and recently had drinks with Monahan's two doctors to "revisit" those days.
"I honestly believe that we, as a species, will do better if we come to terms with our mortality earlier in life."
"I told them how guilty I felt about so many things about Jay's illness and that we never really discussed, you know, even entertained the idea that he might die. I was so afraid to give up hope, and make him give up hope, that we never discussed the alternative, which I really regret," Couric said.
For example, she said, "He never wrote a letter to our girls" — daughters Ellie, 28, and Carrie, 23.
The fine line between maintaining hope and offering a reality check is tricky territory, said Dr. John Marshall, oncologist and director of Georgetown's Ruesch Center for the Cure of Gastrointestinal Cancers, who was interviewing Couric at the event.
"As soon as we enter that world, we see the light go out," Marshall said. "We don't like doing that. So the balance of being on point and brutal, if you will, and factual, versus that maintaining of hope…"
"It must be a dilemma," Couric responded. "For me, I erred on the other side — trying to protect Jay from information he had a right to hear."
So, which is more important: knowing the reality of your situation or maintaining hope?
Most of us don't want to hear bad news, especially this kind of bad news. And most of us don't want to talk about it, or plan for it. And yet, in recent years, the thinking about this is beginning to change as our aging population starts changing its views of death. More hope, less grim reaper?
Is Dying About Control?
HBO's documentary Alternate Endings: Six New Ways to Die in America, released Aug. 14, 2019, explores some of the ways Americans are finding meaning as life ends. And all of the ways show that the key is taking control of as much, or as best possible, of the end of life.
The documentary includes new types of urns, personalized obituaries, eco-friendly caskets, drive-thru funeral viewing, living wakes (which force people to say things to each other while still alive), space burials, green burials (in which the body is wrapped in biodegradable material in a shallow grave), memorials in an underwater "reef vault" and a seriously ill man who opts to take advantage of physician-assisted death to end his life peacefully and surrounded by family.
It's all part of a $16 billion U.S. funeral industry that is being disrupted.
"The baby boomer generation has had a greater degree of control over their lives than any other generation before them," Alternate Endings filmmaker Matthew O'Neill told Axios in an Aug. 10, 2019, article. "It's because every topic that's taboo — be it sex, be it drugs — it's all on television and it's all being talked about. And death is the last taboo."
Is Dying About Hope?
The film was released around the same time as the book A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death by Dr. BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger was on The Washington Post's Top 10 bestsellers list. The book includes practical advice (take your favorite quilt to the hospital) and wisdom ("love" is what matters most in the end).
Miller, too, addresses the idea of hope.
"I honestly believe that we, as a species, will do better if we come to terms with our mortality earlier in life," he said in an interview on the Today show Aug. 5, 2019. "Get used to exercising hope within the framework of life being short and precious."
Boomers do seem to be getting better about not only facing death, but also embracing it. The Conversation Project, Death over Dinner project, Death Cafes — all have been propelling us towards a more open view of death for nearly a decade. Remember how Swedish Death Cleaning became "a thing" two years ago?
Maybe It’s About Hope and Control
De-stigmatizing death. Having a "good death." Those are the goals.
The United Kingdom's Academy of Medical Sciences installed "The Departure Lounge" in a London mall in May. It was designed to look like a departure lounge at an airport, complete with all that baggage we have, with the idea of getting people to talk about death. "Why can't we say the 'D' word?" the website asks.
Packaged versions of the pop-up installation are now being offered to community groups across the UK to start a national conversation about death and dying.
As a student in Georgetown University's new Aging & Health master's program, I was treated to a guest lecture in our first semester by Becky Hsu, an assistant professor at Georgetown, who spoke to us about the Chinese concept of a "good death."
Hsu explained that she had spent time in China with a woman who had already bought the outfit she wants to wear for her death: pants, shirt, shoes, earrings and purse.
The woman has an embroidered pillow picked out for her head to rest on. She had a portrait taken that will be displayed at her funeral. All of these things are neatly wrapped in a cardboard box that she proudly shows off to friends and family.
Explained Hsu, "It's a happy thing."


Can We Talk ... About Death?

Exploring healthcare and healthy aging through story, song and the arts. This series is a co-production of Twin Cities PBS and the Center for the Art of Medicine at the University of Minnesota Medical School.
To highlight these 8 essential topics around healthy aging, we've paired our reporting with clips from "Art + Medicine: Healthy Aging" to amplify the message and provide additional information, resources and action steps.

The Art of Aging
'Art + Medicine: Healthy Aging,' a new Twin Cities PBS program, offers a positive prescription for older adultsBy Susan Schaefer
Walking 10 Minutes a Day Could Change Your Life
Lower your stress and protect your brain by taking a mindfulness walkBy Andrea Atkins 
Get to Know Your Local Pharmacist
Why your pharmacist is an important member of your health care teamBy Barbra Williams Cosentino
Can We Talk … About Death?
The conversation is evolving as older adults become more open about not only facing death, but also embracing itBy Ann Oldenburg
The 7 Benefits of Dancing at Any Age
Dances for a Variable Population offers the joy of dance to older adultsBy Deborah Quilter
For My Grandchildren: A Letter of Love and Legacy
A grandmother offers lessons of encouragement and wisdomBy Connie Zweig
Music Matters for Older Adults
Just ask these six people who are in their 60s, 70s, 80s and 90sBy Patricia Corrigan
7 Things You Can Do to Reduce Your Risk of Dementia
Research has homed in on these pillars for living a brain-healthy lifestyleBy Jennifer Nelson
How Photos Showing Older Adult Hands Reveal Cultural Bias
Photos of old hands…are they ageist? Here's why it's what the hands are doing that matters.By Jeanette Leardi
Funding for Art + Medicine: Healthy Aging was provided by The John A. Hartford Foundation and Tom and Meredith Olson


Art + Medicine: Healthy Aging

On the Fox sitcom Grandfathered, actor John Stamos plays hip restaurateur Jimmy Martino, a playboy who prides himself on his party-packed single life — until he makes a surprising discovery.
An old girlfriend, Sara (played by Paget Brewster), shows up and tells him that their long-ago fling resulted in a son, now grown, named Gerald (Josh Peck). But that’s not all. Gerald has a baby daughter named Edie.
That makes Jimmy a … grandfather. Gulp.
It’s a big adjustment for Stamos’ character, who quickly goes from hip and happening to hapless and harried. He tries to deny it. He tries to cover it up. He tries to come to grips with the whole idea of grandpa-ism. And it’s not easy.
The casting of Stamos in the role might seem preposterous. The hunky 52-year-old is too young to be playing a grandfather, right? No, in fact, according to Grandparents.com, the average age of a first-time grandparent is 48. Stamos is a perfect fit for busting the “old” stereotype.
While Grandfathered explores all sorts of relationship topics, the hook is the title: Stamos’ struggle with being a grandpa. The show hopes viewers are relating. Whether you’re a new grandparent, a veteran grandparent or acing a Pop-Pop or Nana role sometime in the future, here are six lessons we’ve learned from watching:
1. You Can Still Be Hip
Jimmy drives a hot convertible car, with fine leather seats. So when he has to take little granddaughter Edie for a ride to a preschool open house, he doesn’t want to sully his sweet ride with a big car seat.
He (horrifyingly) buckles little Edie into the front passenger seat and promptly gets a ticket when pulled over by police.
In goes the car seat. But he’s still got the hot car.
2. You Gotta Do the Dirty Work
Do the diaper. Don’t be the grandpa who can’t deal. Be the grandpa who offers to help out. Jimmy really doesn’t want to change Edie’s diaper.
In one episode he winds up changing the wrong baby’s diaper, and in another he returns home to hand off Edie to her grandmother and pretends he doesn’t notice her unpleasant stench.
“Oh, she still wears diapers? She didn’t mention that to me,” he says, turning to take a phone call.
Sorry, Jimmy, that doesn’t cut it.
3. Life Is About Choices
You might have to choose between a chic cocktail party with friends or a day at the beach digging in the sand with the grandkids. Choose wisely!
Stamos’ character really didn’t want to give up a chance at going to a pool party populated by sexy supermodels, but he had committed to going to the beach for a “family” day. He had promised his son he would be there.
He tried to juggle both — saying he was leaving the beach to buy some baby wipes but instead zooming over to the party.
He wound up shortchanging both events, until he realized that the real joy was with his son and granddaughter at the ocean.
4. Image Isn't Everything
Jimmy’s hair is very important to him. It’s so lush and full — and commands so much of his attention — that Sara tells him to stop worrying about projecting the perfect image and just “be real.”
John Stamos and Layla/Emelia Golfieri in Grandfathered 
Stamos tells her to give it a tug and she’ll find out it isn’t a rug. She’s impressed. But that doesn’t excuse his otherwise bad grandpa behavior.
5. Change Is Good
When Jimmy has to create a child-friendly area in his bachelor pad apartment, and has his granddaughter over for the day, he looks around and says, “I can’t wait to get my apartment back to normal.”
Wrong, Jimmy. As one of his co-workers tells him, “You’re a grandpa now forever.”
6. Titles Are What You Make of Them
This is the hardest part for Stamos’ character.
Jimmy is determined not to use the G-word. “I don’t go by Grandpa,” he vows in one scene. But the options he offers — Uncle Happy and The Candy Man — don’t quite stick.
In another episode, Jimmy so much wants to impress a preschool admissions teacher that he won’t admit he’s Edie’s grandfather. Instead, he lies and says he’s her father. Trouble ensues, of course.
And while wooing a woman at a bar and telling her a story about little Edie, she says, “So that means you’re a grandfather?” He quickly replies, “Does it? I don’t really let labels define me.”
Own the title, grandpeople. It only defines you in the way you allow it.
 


6 Grandfathering Lessons From John Stamos

Representing the ultimate in girl power, PBS’ American Masters: The Women’s List, airing at 9 p.m. Friday, Sept. 25  (check local listings), showcases 15 women who have shaped and influenced our American culture.
Only 15?
“We try — within these 15 women — to represent America,” says filmmaker Timothy Greenfield-Sanders. “It’s not the easiest thing in the world to do. And we try to balance ages and fame with unknown stories.”
He admits with a laugh: “It’s a hard thing to play God this way, but someone has to do it.”
The hour-long program will also be available Sept. 25 on DVD via Perfect Day Films.
The Women's List is the newest chapter of Greenfield-Sanders' List documentary series (American Masters: The Boomer List, The Black List, The Latino List and The Out List) and it includes interviews with trailblazers age 31 to 78 from the worlds of politics, art, business, science and entertainment:
Madeleine Albright, U.S. Secretary of State, 1997-2001, age 78
Gloria Allred, lawyer, 74
Laurie Anderson, artist, 68
Sara Blakely, Spanx entrepreneur, 44
Margaret Cho, comedian, 46
Edie Falco, actress, 52
Elizabeth Holmes, scientist and entrepreneur, 31
Betsey Johnson, fashion designer, 73
Alicia Keys, singer-songwriter, 34
Aimee Mullins, athlete and fashion model, 39
Rep. Nancy Pelosi, former U.S. House speaker, 75
Rosie Perez, actress, 51
Shonda Rhimes, writer/producer, 45
Wendy Williams, talk show host, 51
Nia Wordlaw, pilot, 38
How It All Came Together
Toni Morrison opens the documentary with a passage she penned for the documentary. It ends with: “There is no modernity and no justice without the talent, the passion and the steely intelligence of women.”
Greenfield-Sanders is particularly proud of Morrison’s involvement in providing a “statement” opening for the project, which took him a year to pull together, lining up and conducting the interviews one-by-one. Each interview lasted about an hour. The chats were trimmed down to the 7- to 8-minute range and then tightened more to fit the time.
Greenfield-Sanders admits that while the goal was to feature women who have “created and defined American culture,” it was difficult to narrow down the list. “It’s a snapshot. You try to get stories that are universal, that have meaning, that transcend the person and become a story that everyone can relate to,” he says.
He started by calling friends. (Greenfield-Sanders knew Albright from taking her portrait when she was in office.) And, he says, there are people who couldn’t or wouldn’t participate. Media guru Arianna Huffington was “too busy.” And former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, he says, has turned him down “many times.” He asked her for The Black List, The Boomer List and The Women’s List.
The women who did participate talked about who and what influenced them as they were growing up.
Alicia Keys explains that her mother taught her the importance of good communication. Sara Blakely says her dad taught her “how to fail.” Shonda Rhimes recalls speaking stories into a tape recorder at age 3 and giving them to her mother to transcribe. Rosie Perez says “the nuns” at her school convent used to “beat the crap” out of her, but from those nuns she learned about tenacity and about the theater. Nancy Pelosi recalls a household that was “devoutly Catholic, deeply patriotic and staunchly Democratic.”
Can You See Me Now?
Being part of this illustrious group of women is “pretty cool,” says Nia Wordlaw, a pilot for United Airlines. As an African-American woman in the cockpit, she is a rarity.
“Anytime I say to people I work for the airline industry and travel a lot, the first thing they say is: ‘Oh, are you are a flight attendant?’ She adds, “There’s nothing wrong with being a flight attendant.”
But she says, “There’s a perception there — as a woman, a woman of color. I have never ever been asked, ‘Are you a pilot?’ That would be nice to hear.”
The problem, says Wordlaw, is “exposure. It’s not something that people see. I’m excited because now people will see. Now when they see a woman of color, they might ask, ‘Are you a pilot?’”
Gloria Allred, who has been making headlines lately with her work representing women who have come forward to accuse Bill Cosby of rape, had a similar experience.
“When I was so much younger, before I became a lawyer, I didn’t know any women lawyers. I don’t think I had read about or met a woman who was a lawyer,” says Allred. “So I definitely never heard about a woman who was a lawyer for women’s rights. I wish that I had. It’s important for women to say, ‘I would like to be like her. What does it take? Is this possible for me?’”
You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby
So have women really come a long way since Allred began her law career nearly 40 years ago?
Her answer: “I always say that a conservative will often say, ‘Look how far women have come.’ And a progressive will say, ‘Look how far we have to go.’ It’s true that we’ve made some progress in terms of improving the condition and status of women, but we still have a long way to go in winning rights.”
She proudly calls herself a feminist and says, “We should all be proud to be feminists and that should include men. Sometimes if I have friends who are about to give birth, most people say, ‘Is it going to be a boy or a girl? I say, ‘Is the baby going to be a feminist?’ Because that’s really what’s important.”
The feminist message was part of the goal of The Women’s List, says Greenfield-Sanders.
“These films raise your consciousness in a certain way. … You have to hear these stories of other people’s struggles to put your own in perspective.”


15 Fabulous Females Make ‘The Women’s List’

Fear. Anger. Joy. Sadness. And a little bit of Disgust.
Those are the emotional stars of the delightful Pixar movie, Inside Out. The film, in theaters now, is the story of an 11-year-old girl named Riley, whose family moves from her beloved Minnesota to new and scary San Francisco.
But the main characters of Inside Out are Riley’s emotions. We see them behind a big console at the headquarters of her brain, guiding her daily life as she has to cope with a new home, a new school and new friends. It doesn’t always go so well.
Joy gets lost. Sadness keeps touching all of Riley’s memories, making her unable to smile or be happy. Fear and Anger tell her to run away. And Disgust makes her loathe just about everything.
Riley’s going through a big change in her young life.
And it got us thinking about big changes in older lives — facing career moves, retirement and empty nests.
What if there were an Inside Out for the midlife brain? Would the characters be the same? Which emotions would play starring roles in that film?
Opt for Excitement
Joe Burgo, psychologist and author of the upcoming book, The Narcissist You Know, describes a typical mindset.
“In thinking about that transitional period in adult life, it is a time when people look backward and look forward,” he says.
Pride and Regret might be competing feelings in looking back. “Are you proud of your accomplishments? You may have launched children safely into adulthood. You may have a satisfying career as a legacy,” he says. In that case, Pride would be at the controls.
But, he adds, “There’s a lot of opportunity for Regret. Do you wish you had done something else with your life? Do you think you married the wrong person? Are you disappointed in the life you led?” Move over, Pride. Here comes Regret.
Looking forward, a different pair of stars might steal the spotlight, says Burgo. Fear and Dread might take over.
“All of us fear change to some degree. Will things be better? Will things be worse? Are we facing declining health? The end of a marriage?” notes Burgo.
But looking forward doesn’t need to be all bad.  Says Burgo: “There’s also Excitement.” Midlifers have every reason to let that emotion take over, as they adopt the outlook 'I’m done with the parenting. I’ve put my years in the Social Security pool, and now it’s my turn to spread my wings and fulfill my life in a way I hadn’t until now.'”
‘If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going’
Along those same lines, Frank Farley, educational psychology professor at Temple University and former president of the American Psychological Association, says one of the key players in his version of Inside Out would be Optimism.
“The idea is: You got this far, keep going. If it’s rough — financially, emotionally, socially — remember Winston Churchill, who said, ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going.’”
Farley adds it would be important for the middle-aged Riley character to adopt this viewpoint: “See the new glass as always half-full and fill it up.”
He would also cast Joy in a prominent role, keeping her as the leading lady she is in Inside Out.
“It’s a three letter word that’s just loaded. Joy is the proximal, the nearby, the close-at-hand. That is so important,” says Farley. “If you’re changing your life situation or as you’re getting older, cherish the close-at-hand, the positive things that are around you, the joy of new beginnings. You may not have felt that for a long time. It can be exhilarating.”
Loneliness may try to invade, especially for those facing an empty nest. “It’s a new loneliness for some people,” says Farley. “It can be devastating.”
This is a villain, who could not — and should not — be taken lightly, says Farley. He notes that Loneliness has been shown to be a powerful predictor of length of life, manifesting itself in heart disease and other physical ailments.
Beware of the Villain Loneliness
Offshoots of Loneliness that might try to steal the spotlight are Inside Out stalwarts Sadness and Fear. “One of the biggest sources of human fear is uncertainty,” says Farley. “Retirement, an empty nest, these things can promote uncertainty and that can promote fear. Fear can restrict our lives. It reins you in and reduces your risk taking, your exploration and your openness to experiences.”
It’s important, especially in retirement, Farley says, not to give up. Gratitude and Acceptance need to play roles. “Show gratitude,” he says. “There’s a lot of research on that point.” (Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center notes that scientists have found that people who practice gratitude consistently report a host of benefits, including a stronger immune system and lower blood pressure.)
Mary Languirand, psychologist and co-author of How to Age in Place, also cites Gratitude as a key player.
“It’s a really important transition period for an awful lot of people right now. We’re all trying to find paths. Your perspective starts to make a very big difference,” she says.
Older people have a greater appreciation for things. Says Languirand: “As their wisdom deepens, they get a better sense of savoring the moment and being grateful for the good stuff and celebrating. They are more mindful, often, of the preciousness of some of that stuff.”
What Remains Constant
Ultimately, Languirand’s cast for a midlife sequel to Inside Out would be just the same as it is for young Riley in the film. Riley would still be Riley — at age 50, 60, 70 and beyond, she says.
“Fear, Anger, Joy, Sadness, Disgust — those remain pretty constant throughout life,” she says. “You are still you. You still feel the emotions you felt as a younger person into a very advanced age.”
Ask yourself how old you feel, says Languirand. “A lot of older people, and I’ve heard this so often, they’ll say, ‘You know, I keep waiting until I’m going to feel like a grownup.’ The way you experience your feelings doesn’t change all that much.”
What does change?
Says Languirand: “We interpret them [our emotions] a little differently, because hopefully we get a little more in the way of wisdom and perspective and choose to respond differently. That said, how you feel and how you think are very intertwined and influence each other profoundly.”
What’s most important, she adds: “It’s how you choose to respond, rather than what you feel.”


What the Midlife ‘Inside Out’ Would Be Like

The role that a robust, age-diverse support system plays for a solo ager (an aging adult 55+ single or partnered, who is without the support of adult children or close family members) is critical.
Third places are locations where we exchange ideas, have a good time, and build relationships. They are comfortable spaces and accessible to everyoneConnection to others is extremely important as one navigates their own health, the complexities of the health care system as a whole, and residential, financial and legal decisions. For solo agers, identifying personal contacts and qualified professionals to serve in these key roles that are "traditionally" filled by adult children/relatives requires careful and intentional planning.
It is equally important to be intentional about one's social support and connections. Where one lives and what access there is to community services and support is an important consideration. It is not always on people's checklists when researching the topic of community and housing as one ages, but it should be.
Connecting with others assists with improving our self-esteem, feeling cared for, reducing stress and increasing our resilience. 
Being part of and connected to a community has a major impact on our health and personal satisfaction. Connecting with others assists with improving our self-esteem, feeling cared for, reducing stress and increasing our resilience.
While Oldenburg's research focused on physical locations, it has become clear throughout our time navigating the pandemic that "virtual" places can play a role in our connection to others and to the community at large.
As one ages, meeting new people becomes more difficult. After retirement, there is no longer the ease of making new connections via a work environment, and for solo agers, there are not additional connections available via the friends of children or grandchildren. Yet, social support is critical to all aspects of our lives.
In my work with solo agers, I am often asked, "How do I make new connections?" and "Where can I meet new people?"
While it can be difficult to meet new people as we age, we often overlook the impact of our connection to "third places," which can offer new opportunities to expand and enhance our support systems.
What Are Third Places? 
"Third places" is a term coined by urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg and refers to places where people spend time between home ("first" place) and work ("second" place). They are locations where we exchange ideas, have a good time, and build relationships. They are comfortable spaces and accessible to everyone.
Third places are a part of our daily life and community and we connect to them in a variety of ways. Some are free or low cost — parks, libraries, community and senior centers, faith communities, adult education and other classes, and volunteer organizations. Others are commercial establishments like restaurants, coffee shops and bookstores. They can also be places that offer personal services such as salons, barbershops and gyms.
These connections and opportunities are not only a helpful adaptation as a result of the pandemic, but offer greater access and connection to those who are unable to travel for mobility or other reasons. The ability to attend a talk, meeting, book club, class or social gathering via video chat furthers our connection to others.
How to Make New Connections
Being connected socially to others offers a greater sense of purpose. It also lowers cardiovascular risks, including lowering blood pressure, motivates you to engage in a healthy lifestyle and encourages medication and treatment adherence.
To explore where there might be opportunities to make new connections consider:
Do I have a daily routine? Where do I go and who do I encounter? Who do I see/speak to every day?Do I have a weekly routine? Who do I see/speak to once per week?Do I have a monthly routine? Who do I see/speak to monthly?Am I a member of an “in person” group/groups?Book club, cards, Mah Jongg, current events, meditation, knitting, photography, walking, classes, birdingAm I a member of an online community or group/groups?Book club, current events, classes, faith community, professionalStop into a local bookstore and review what talks and programs they offer. Meet a friend for coffee somewhere new. 
Once you have given thought to what might be available to you, explore your interests. (Presuming it is healthy to do so.) Stop into a local bookstore and review what talks and programs they offer. Meet a friend for coffee somewhere new.
Make a list of things you would like to try and find ways to make it happen. Enroll in a course at an area university/college or your community adult education program. Take an art or writing class. Volunteer and meet others with similar interests. Join a book or photography club. 
In my experience as an independent board-certified patient advocate, and solo aging advocate and educator, the concern over a limited support system often weighs on the minds of solo agers.
Approaching the spaces and "third places" you connect with daily, weekly and monthly in a different way and with new perspective can offer new opportunities and enhance your social network.   


The Impact of Third Places for Solo Agers

Ailene Gerhardt

Almost 11% of Americans over sixty-five have Alzheimer's. With cases expected to double during my lifetime; I realized the odds of becoming a patient or caregiver were too high to ignore. So, I volunteered at our community program, Adult Day Respite Care, to learn while helping.
Respite Care provides caregivers a rest while the person with Alzheimer's receives care in a safe, supportive environment. Respite care can be provided in-home, in long-term care facilities or in adult day centers.
Respite Care provides caregivers a rest while the person with Alzheimer's receives care in a safe, supportive environment. Respite care can be provided in-home, in long-term care facilities, or in adult day centers. 
In our community program, two volunteers serve meals and assist a staff member with social time, exercise, games, and crafts. Our clients vary from age-related mild cognitive impairment (MCI) to more severe cases. 
While some clients need help finding the right word or have short-term memory problems, one can't produce a complete sentence. 
However, all clients can follow simple directions, feed themselves, communicate well enough to make needs known, interact appropriately, use the restroom without assistance (adult briefs are acceptable) and ambulate independently with canes or walkers. 
Adjusting to My Volunteer Role 
I felt out of place at first. While I have a psychology Ph.D., I possess no preferred volunteer qualifications:
Health care backgroundExperience with older adults or individuals with dementiaExperience as a family or private caregiverMy volunteer partner was perfect − a retired nurse caring for her mother. It appeared I needed to work to become qualified, so I reminded myself that "volunteers are to be friendly, welcoming, patient, kind and calm with participants." 
Patience, never one of my strengths, felt more comfortable.
I could do that while serving coffee, fetching walkers, washing dishes, cleaning and listening. As my comfort level increased, I realized volunteering had unexpected benefits. 
I was surprised I was learning to slow down. I chatted with participants after lunch instead of jumping to clear the dishes. I celebrated wins like an energetic game of beanbag toss or successfully spelling sixty words from the letters in the word "Thanksgiving." Patience, never one of my strengths, felt more comfortable.
One day I remained in the singing circle instead of leaving to prepare tea and water glasses. The louder I sang, the more energetic we became. I realized they didn't want an introverted dishwasher; they wanted interaction and fun. Laughter, smiles, hugs, warmth and connection are more critical than efficiently-served meals.
I began to appreciate the best part of each person. I looked forward to one woman's afternoon ritual as she balanced against her walker to hug and thank us.
Laughter, smiles, hugs, warmth and connection are more critical than efficiently-served meals.
I enjoyed hearing stories from the social worker who'd been a houseparent for teen girls in Philadelphia. 
But, on the other hand, I wondered how much of the world the retired flight attendant had seen, then forgotten.
Some caregivers don't use Adult Day Respite centers because they feel their loved one doesn't yet need the program. For example, one caregiver said her husband wasn't ready for our program but also revealed he tries to use the TV remote as a cell phone (and vice versa).
Benefits to Caregivers
Another caregiver insists her husband didn't belong because he was a retired physician, even though a former doctor attends our program. Acceptance and knowledge are vital to navigating any illness. Caregivers using the program appear less stressed and anxious than those claiming the program isn't a fit.
Some clients would prefer to attend. One woman can't convince her suspicious, anxious mother to venture outside her home's drawn blinds. While respite care programs aren't the solution for everyone, they provide needed socialization and stimulation that homebound people don't get.
I learned about dementia symptoms and ways to ease those symptoms. While energetic and fit, Ann never said anything besides "yes," "no," and "why?" She'd bolt for the door when frustrated with games, crafts or conversations.
Since leaving the facility wasn't an option, my volunteer partner and I took turns occupying Ann with birdwatching or admiring photos in an adjoining room.
Ann became agitated after lunch, so I wondered how I'd keep her busy for three more hours. I pulled out an album by the Mamas and the Papas, and when "California Dreamin'" began, Ann's face brightened as she swayed to the music. We locked eyes, smiled and sang while we slowly rocked.
I was shocked when the full lyrics flowed from her mouth. No longer frustrated, not trying to flee, she was more than content. Ann was joyful.I learned embarrassment and shame could remain intact after words have left. When Ann tried eating soup with a fork, no matter how kind the suggestion that a spoon would work better, she blushed and frowned before switching utensils. We could keep such moments at a minimum.
While respite care programs aren't the solution for everyone, they provide needed socialization and stimulation that homebound people don't get.
Ann was limited to one day per week when the facility decided they couldn't dedicate one volunteer to her care. So, unfortunately, it was not my day. Keeping her occupied was exhausting but rewarding. 
She was willful but bright and full of life. While she couldn't participate, she appeared to understand conversations and often was the first to laugh at a joke. I missed her.
Inspired by Positivity 
Frank took Ann's slot, but I doubted anyone could replace her energy. Yes, Frank was super-kind among a group of gentle people. Yes, he offered compliments and praise amid a sea of compliments. But it was his repeated expression of gratitude that lifted us. I'm a longtime believer in the importance of gratitude, but Frank was an expert.
I heard murmuring while serving soup, but only when seated did I realize the sound came from Frank. Between each spoonful, Frank whispered, "M'm, M'm, M'm. Boy, they make good soup here!" Those who heard him smiled. Every conversation lag was filled with "M'm, M'm, M'm!" His praise was genuine and continuous.
I was entranced. "You certainly are easy to cook for!" He grinned. "Their soup is always delicious!" Of course, Frank was right; the freshly-made soup was wonderful. But he produced compliments when the food wasn't stellar.
Halfway through an unremarkable chicken breast shoved against bland mashed potatoes, Frank leaned back and smiled. "Well, this will keep you full right up until dinner!"
I laughed and complimented his ability to find the positive in any situation. He beamed and returned to his meal.
I never expected to receive a master class in gratitude at the Adult Day Respite center. However, I'd like to know what I'll learn next.


The Unexpected Benefits of Volunteering at an Adult Day Respite Center

Carol Morgan Milberger

I've buried a lot of loved ones — too many loved ones. It's never easy. But I'll say this about loss: each time, it teaches me something new about grief.
Frome left, Jill Smolowe and her older brother Alan in 1957 and 2013My first husband, Joe, died in 2009, two years after a leukemia diagnosis. My baby sister, Ann, died in 2010, two years after a colon cancer diagnosis. My mother went 18 days after Ann, and my father in 2018, both of them essentially of old age. All four losses left me bereft and hollowed out, but the numbness owed nothing to shock. In each case, it had been clear for a while that there might not be a happy outcome.
Always supportive, encouraging and proud of his three sibs, he was never competitive with us.
Earlier this year, I lost my older brother Alan just 44 hours after he suffered a stroke. He was 69, an age our kids and grandchildren might think old, but you and I know is not. He was with us. Then, he was not. His sudden disappearance feels shocking for me and my younger brother, Jonathan. So does the fact that our tight-knit band of four siblings is now two.
Yet the fact of Alan's death has not left me bereft and hollowed out. This time round, my sadness is eased by relief, gratitude and a tide of happy memories that make me smile. Let me explain.
A Role Model of a Big Brother 
Alan, my senior by 19 months, was a role model of a big brother. Always supportive, encouraging and proud of his three sibs, he was never competitive with us. That he had lady-slaying good looks and was a graceful, natural athlete never stirred envy in Jonathan, Ann or me. He never lorded any of that over us. My parents refused to play favorites. And Alan's raunchy humor shielded us from feeling like he was the heir and we the spares.
After careers in marketing and real estate, he changed course, getting two doctorates in education. He then co-founded three charter schools for children with learning disabilities. The students adored him. So did his wife and son. His life was good.
Then Alan's body turned against him. Hobbled by immune deficiencies and arthritis, he spent the last 13 years of his life battling daily acute pain that disrupted his sleep, added weight to his once-slender body and left him unable to participate in any of the sports he loved. While his mind remained active, his body gradually closed the doors on his once-active life until he became essentially a shut-in.
No longer able to listen to one another, we drifted further and further apart. 
So, relief? Yes, I and other loved ones, too, are relieved that Alan is no longer in pain. Though he never complained, it was clear that he was suffering every hour of every day.
Challenges in Our Relationship 
As for gratitude, I am oh, so thankful that Alan and I parted on loving terms that have left me filled with happy memories of him. It could have been different. There could have been a lot of regret.
In recent years as political differences hardened across the country, tearing apart many families, the red-blue divide between Alan and me, hitherto quiet and largely unaddressed, deepened. 
Things grew more tense during COVID when Alan refused to get vaccinated. Knowing that his own immune system would not weather COVID well, Alan stayed at home, so he never put others at risk. But our divergent views put our relationship at risk.
No longer able to listen to one another, we drifted further and further apart. The humor that had been a hallmark of our relationship evaporated. The little surprise gifts we mailed each other stopped. The frequency of our phone calls, emails and texts diminished. I knew less and less about his life; he knew less and less about mine.
It was a stroke of luck that three weeks before Alan's sudden death, I texted him the name of a movie I thought he and his wife, Lou Anna, might enjoy. He responded with the name of a TV series he thought my husband and I would like. Bob and I binge-watched it and a week later I phoned Alan to thank him for the recommendation. The tenor of the call was friendly, not tense, so when he asked how I was, I filled him in. There was a lot.
I am grateful that our final communications were loving and caring. 
Alan hadn't known that for many months Bob has been battling acute pain, following what we'd hoped would be a pain-relieving back surgery. He hadn't known that Bob's adult son was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was now often staying with us while he deals with chemo and intolerable pain. Alan hadn't known that I was back in a worried, caregiving mindset, with little relief in sight.
Grateful for Reconnection 
I could feel Alan's empathy as he encouraged me to make travel plans with friends and do the things I enjoy (as he'd encouraged Lou Anna these last 13 years). In his repeated murmur of, "I didn't know," I could hear how much he wished I'd told him sooner so he could be there for me. I could feel his love and concern each time he said, "Oh, Meus," our mutual nickname for each other.
Over the next two weeks, Alan made his caring presence felt. He called to check up on me. He sent inspirational short videos. He emailed single-frame comics, and movie and TV suggestions. I found myself thinking, I am so glad that my brother is back in my life.
Then, he disappeared again, this time forever.
Sad as that is, my feelings of gratitude have only strengthened since Alan's abrupt departure. I am grateful that Lou Anna held the phone to his ear in his final hours (induced coma be damned) so that I could tell Alan how fortunate I've been to have him for my big brother. I am grateful that our final communications were loving and caring. 
And I am especially grateful that Alan and I had a good goodbye. Instead of being left to wallow in regret, I am basking in affectionate memories of my big bro (many of them too raunchy to share).
Alan would hate that I'm saying this, but he really was a prince of a brother.


A Good Goodbye

Jill Smolowe

Browse the booths, dance in the streets, taste regional dishes and fill the auditorium seats at the many summer arts festivals coming soon to our residential neighborhoods, business districts, parks and shorelines. Locals and visitors of all ages mix and mingle at these popular events in celebration of art, crafts, music, dance, theater, food and even literary figures.
Past contest winners congratulate Jon Auvil, center, after he won the 2022 Hemingway Look-Alike Contest on July 23, 2022 in Key West, Florida.Next Avenue has compiled a list of 33 rousing summer festivals in 28 states and Washington, D.C. 
June 
The Spoleto Festival USA, a 17-day event in Charleston, South Carolina, invites one and all to historic theaters, churches and outdoor spaces to see performances in opera, theater, and dance, plus offerings for fans of chamber music, symphonic music, choral music and jazz. The festival runs May 26-June 11.
The recipient of regional and national recognition, the nonprofit Summerfair Cincinnati has been supporting and promoting artists and the arts in Cincinnati, Ohio, for over 50 years. The fair takes place June 2-4 at Coney Island Park, on the banks of the Ohio River about 10 minutes east of downtown.
Celebrating its 96th year, the Rittenhouse Square Fine Arts Show in Philadelphia claims to be the oldest outdoor art show in the country. The artists planning the show June 2-4 promise "fine art and serious fun," with professional artists lining the perimeter of Rittenhouse Square Park and students filling the center of the square.
The Diamano Coura West African Dance Company will perform June 17 at the 2023 San Francisco International Arts Festival.A celebration of dance, music, theater and literature, the San Francisco International Arts Festival is scheduled for June 8-18 in the Mission District. Founded in 2002, this year the festival will explore "the changing demographics of the U.S., with particular focus on the work of Black, Asian, Filipino American and Latino artists."
At the Original Old Town Art Fair June 10-11 in the Old Town Triangle Historic District of Chicago, expect more than 200 artists, a garden walk, live music, a food court and a children's corner. That same weekend, find more art, music, food and entertainment at the Wells Street Art Festival in the Wells Street corridor of Old Town.
The first Art in the Park, held in 1958 in Des Moines, Iowa, attracted a few hundred people; now the Des Moines Art Festival, located in Western Gateway Park, is considered the state's "signature arts and culture event" and "one of the most prestigious and admired festivals in the world," drawing more than 200,000 people. Check it out June 23-25.
The Smithsonian Folk Life Festival, established in 1967, will take place June 29-July 4 and July 8-9 on the National Mall in Washington. D.C. The festival "honors contemporary living cultural traditions and celebrates those who practice and sustain them." Past festivals have featured participants from all 50 states and more than 100 countries.
July 
CherryArts, the nonprofit that organizes the Cherry Creek Arts Festival in Denver, works year 'round to provide art experiences and support local arts education. The outdoor festival, July 1-3 in Cherry Creek North, will showcase works from juried artists and emerging artists and promises "music, food and fun for all ages."
Pair up your Independence Day red and white with the Portland Waterfront Blues Festival, set for July 1-4 at Tom McCall Waterfront Park in Portland, Oregon. Expect a "red-hot lineup of blues, rock n' roll, soul, R&B, funk and more," plus "sunshine, fireworks, 3,000 square feet of dance floor, bites, drinks and good vibes."
Claude Monet's painting "Women in the Garden" will be recreated in a living tableau this summer during the Pageant of the Masters at the Festival of Arts in Laguna Beach, California. A highlight of Laguna Beach's Festival of Arts is the Pageant of the Masters, a 90-minute performance that brings different works of art to life every evening in an outdoor amphitheater. The art show at this California festival, which runs July 7 through Sept. 7, features paintings, glass, ceramics and photography by Orange County artists.
Art Fair on the Square, July 8-9, will fill the Capitol Square in Madison, Wisconsin, with  music, entertainment and outdoor dining while 500-plus artists exhibit their paintings, prints, photographs, sculpture, jewelry, handmade clothing and fine crafts. The fair typically draws nearly 200,000 visitors.
Since 1962, the Wickford Art Association has sponsored the Wickford Art Festival in North Kingstown, Rhode Island. This year's event, July 9-10 in Wilson Park, will showcase the work of 200 artists from around the country as well as local and regional artists working in ceramics, wood, fiber, furniture, jewelry, drawing, painting, photography and printmaking.
Every summer, Key West, Florida, celebrates Ernest Hemingway, the noted literary giant and sometime Floridian, at Hemingway Days, scheduled July 18-23. Events include a street fair, a paddleboard race, a 5k run, a fishing tournament, a birthday party, a special museum exhibit, readings and (wait for it) the Hemingway® Look-Alike Contest for the bearded.
Joe Maxey, left, celebrates after winning the 2019 Hemingway Look-Alike Contest at Sloppy Joe's Bar in Key West, Fla.Art lovers in Ann Arbor, Michigan, will rejoice July 20-22 at the Ann Arbor Art Fair, which consists of three independently juried, nonprofit art fairs downtown that run consecutively. Choose from the Ann Arbor Street Art Fair, The Original; Ann Arbor Summer Art Fair; or Ann Arbor State Street Art Fair — or hit all three.
The 76th annual Craft Fair of the Southern Highlands, on tap for July 20-23, will fill the concourse and arena levels of Harrah's Cherokee Center in downtown Asheville, North Carolina. Look for crafts in many media, ranging from traditional to contemporary, and check out the demonstrations. If you miss it, a second fair is set for Oct. 19-22.
August
Grab a bib (at least one) for the Maine Lobster Festival Aug. 2-6 at Harbor Park in Rockland, Maine, a seaside town on the state's Midcoast. The annual festival includes plenty of fresh lobster meals, local crafters and artists, nationally known entertainers, cooking contests and activities for all ages.
At the Uptown Art Fair in Minneapolis, the popular community celebrates its blend of "the sophisticated, the scenic and the stylish" in the heart of the city. From Aug. 4-6, visitors will find art, food, hands-on activities and a marketplace featuring "locally made, grown, raised, sourced and produced products."
Artists from 28 states and three countries, live music and plenty of food and drink are promised Aug. 4-6 at the 53rd annual Kimball Arts Festival in Park City, Utah, a heady 7,000 feet above sea level. Dining options will include "food trucks, artisan tasting tents and outdoor dining decks from local artisans."
In Rutland, Vermont, the Chaffee Art Center will present Art in the Park Aug. 12-13, featuring "fine artists and craft persons, Vermont vineyards/breweries/distilleries, specialty foods, kids' activities and musical entertainment." If you miss it, the fall version of the festival is scheduled for Oct. 7-8.
2022 Plaza Art Fair in Kansas City, MissouriSunshine Artist magazine has named the Piedmont Park Summer Arts Festival in Atlanta one of the top 100 arts festivals in the country. Decide for yourself Aug. 19-20, as you stroll among the works of 250 painters, photographers, sculptors, leather and metalworkers, glass blowers, jewelers and crafters, some offering demonstrations.
Shreveport, Louisiana, is home to the Louisiana SoulFood Fall Fest Aug. 25-27, which will offer Southern cuisine, an art showcase, live music, cooking and eating competitions and a vendors' village, all at the Louisiana State Fairgrounds. The festival is facilitated by the Empire Queenz Foundation, women working to make a difference in their cities.
Music, comedy, visual arts, speakers and highlights from Seattle Theatre Group's education and community programs all are part of THING 2023, scheduled Aug. 25-27 at historic Fort Worden in Port Townsend, Washington. The Seattle Times has hailed the event as "Washington's best destination festival."
In addition to more than 100 juried artisans and crafters, on Aug. 27, the Kill Tide Arts and Craft Festival in Drummer Boy Park in Brewster, Massachusetts, will feature samples of herbal dips, jams, jellies, infused oils, cannoli, balsamic vinegars, dry rubs, muddy Mary mix, baked nuts, kettle corn and more. Admission is free and leashed pets are welcome.
September
In celebration of art in the Teton Mountains, venues in Jackson, Wyoming, will present more than 50 events Sept. 6-17 at the annual Fall Arts Festival. Planners say, "Each September, the best Western, wildlife, and landscape artists converge in Jackson." Expect art shows, a design conference and a live auction at the National Museum of Wildlife Art.  
Because "art is our one true global language," the Alaska World Arts Festival Sept. 7-21 in Homer, Alaska, will feature "a convergence of arts and audiences," offering numerous performances, workshops and classes in dance, theater, music, the visual arts, literature, comedy, film and storytelling.  
At the Sidewalk Arts Festival Sept. 9 in downtown Sioux Falls, South Dakota, visitors can expect more than 230 vendor booths featuring "the region's best fine art, folk art and craft artisans." The free outdoor event, a fundraiser for the Washington Pavilion of Arts & Science, also will offer activities for kids, live entertainment and food.
Ashley "Ziggy" Zeigenbein demonstrates her hoop dancing skills at the 2022 Great Plains Art & Music Festival in Lawrence, Kansas. For the past two decades, art lovers in Huntsville, Alabama, have gathered at the Monte Sano Arts Festival, scheduled this year for Sept. 16-18 in Monte Sano State Park. More than 100 visual artists from across the country will be on hand, plus visitors can expect live music and plenty of local food trucks.
Artscape in Baltimore, set for Sept. 22-24 in the heart of Baltimore, Maryland, will showcase "artists and makers, live concerts, visual arts experiences, performing arts, fashion designers, kid-focused activities, film, experimental music, improv and comedy, literary arts programming and culinary delights."
Country Club Plaza in Kansas City, Missouri, will welcome some 240 artists showing their work Sept. 22-24 at the Plaza Art Fair, which was founded in 1932. Also in the mix will be three live music stages, booths for children, at least 10 local restaurants and about 70 stores, some promising  special offers for fair-goers.
In the state just to the west, The Great Plains Art and Music Festival is set for Sept. 30 in Lawrence, Kansas. The event "celebrates the artistic and musical talent of the Great Plains region," and will feature artists selling original works, a diverse lineup of local and regional performers and numerous food trucks.


Summer Festivals Are Abundant in Communities Across the Country

Patricia Corrigan

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