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Tweets to My Younger Self

Next Avenue cranks up the time machine to send back pearls of wisdom on love, work and life in 140 characters or less

January 3, 2013

Imagine if today's technology enabled you to reach back in time and tell you at a younger age the things you wish you'd known when you were living in the moment. The Next Avenue staff decided to use Twitter to send these messages in a bottle to our youth and ourselves.

WORK

  • Working yourself to death is no way to live.
  • Don’t tell HR anything about your boss in confidence. They’ll call him as soon as you leave the room.
  • It’s 1982 and you’re making big money now, $22K. Time to open an IRA. Max out on your contributions.
  • Don’t major in journalism — by Y2K it will no longer be a noble profession. Instead, open a parking lot in Manhattan: $20-$50/car. Cash.
  • Some of the most talented people are also the most expert at getting in their own way. Be sure to stay out of theirs.

LOVE and SEX
  • Don’t worry about finding someone to sleep with. The key is to find someone you want to wake up with.
  • Sex doesn't become meaningful until you love someone. Which then leads invariably to not having sex.
  • You’re not one of those guys who goes from girl to girl with ease. I know you wish you were — but it’ll all work out in the end.
  • A date who asks for a doggie bag of Indian food at dinner, then carries it around the rest of the evening values you less than leftovers.
  • The stronger person in a relationship is often the one who is crying.
  • A marriage launched at 21 may fail, but the pain of it ending is well worth two great kids — and getting ur soul back.

FAMILY
  • Let your kids do things themselves, even if you could do them better, faster and for less money.
  • Ask Daddy 2 teach u2 play bridge. When he says he’s too busy, tell him this will benefit both of u and bring endless joy for years & years 2 come.
  • You will learn that your kids' tears are amazingly cathartic and cleansing — for them. Still doesn't mean you should help generate them.
  • Be willing to notice and receive wisdom from random & unexpected sources: license plates, blue jays, ur mother.
 
MONEY
  • Invest in stocks and mutual funds exactly when everyone else is fleeing them. You won’t see those bargain prices again.
  • Don’t ever trust a broker with your life savings — his job title is your fate.
  • 2 words: Apple stock. Beg, borrow or, well, don’t steal, money 2 invest as much as u can in AAPL. Pls trust me on this.

LIFE
  • Free advice: Don't worry so much. Live in the moment. Lie less. Shower more. Work hard. Kiss soft. And most important, shut up and listen.
  • Figure out where the septic tank is before landscaping ur yard & make sure to have a working lock on the master bedroom door.
  • Less Jackson Browne and Dan Fogelberg. More Bruce Springsteen.
  • When ur 8 months pregnant, standing on a crowded bus & an older woman offers u her seat, ask the young guy next to her for his.
  • All those hours working on our penmanship sure came in handy!
  • Heed the advice that people over 50 give you. When you’re over 50, you’ll realize they were right.
  • Late at night you like to clean up and finish the newspaper. But really, do us both a favor: Just go to bed.
  • If you knew what I know now, we’d know better.


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