8 Tips for Handling Post-Election Holiday Gatherings With Grace

The polls have closed. The campaigns have gone quiet. You may be reeling from big emotions from November's election results — and just in time for the holidays. I'd venture to say families have probably disagreed on their preferred leaders since the first group of people ever tried living together. But political tensions among family members have spiked in the last several years. 

In fact, a 2022 poll from the New York Times found one in five voters said politics has hurt their close relationships with friends and family. "I never used to feel nervous," says Jill Yoder, who lives in Florida. "But the past decade has made me more cautious."

In this tumultuous time of high political stakes, how do you disagree well with family members and friends who have a different viewpoint, especially when you're trapped in the same space for several hours over the holidays? 

You could hide behind your brother's trampoline, in your neighbor's bathroom or decide not to go to holiday parties or family gatherings at all. Or you could go in with a plan. At their best, social gatherings can offer a lot of positives: connection with loved ones, good food and a feeling of community. 

"The holiday season is a time to celebrate our shared values and traditions, but it can also be a stage for political tensions," says Dr. Patricia S. Dixon, a licensed clinical psychologist, relationship expert and life coach in Palmetto, Florida. "The key to navigating these conversations is to prioritize empathy over winning an argument."

Empathy works best when everyone uses it, but even if those at your gathering don't empathize with you, you still have options to minimize conflict and feel safe. Dixon shared several tips she recommends to help you enjoy your holiday get-togethers, even when loved ones disagree about the current political landscape. Read on to find some techniques that may help you feel better about your upcoming holiday conversations.

When it comes to navigating disagreements with your family and friends this holiday season, it's best to go in with a strategy. You can do this by having a conversation with your loved ones before the gathering to establish some ground rules. 

"Start with a shared goal of connection rather than debate. When everyone is on the same page, it's easier to keep conversations respectful," says Dixon. You could even agree on a "safe word" to use if things start to get heated and you need a change of subject.

People want to be heard, and taking the time to listen doesn't mean you agree with them — it just means you're trying to understand why their viewpoint is so important to them. To actively listen, try these tips:

• Offer plenty of eye contact.
• Let them say their piece without interrupting.
• Lean forward and nod occasionally (in understanding if not agreement).
• Restate what they said and ask if you got it right.
• Focus on feelings, rather than opinions.

"Listening is just as important as sharing your own views. It shows respect and opens the door for genuine conversation," says Dixon.

Everyone at your holiday dinner or brunch may have strong feelings about the election. You can accept your family's feelings and your own at the same time — without having to agree on the issue. "It's vital to create a safe environment where everyone feels heard and valued," says Dixon.

Remember: for many, emotions are heightened right now, Dixon adds. "Whether you feel victorious or defeated, it's valid to have those feelings. Acknowledging this can help everyone feel seen and understood."

While it can be tempting to fall into a debate spiral, try instead to highlight your shared values and interests. "Find topics that everyone can agree on," suggests Dixon. "This creates a foundation of respect, making it easier to navigate differences."

For example, if you and your dad tend to start fighting quickly when the presidential candidates come up, try sticking to subjects like your kids' activities, favorite TV shows or reminiscing about good times you've shared.

It's probably safe to say that many people will leave Thanksgiving dinner not having agreed on political views. And that's okay. Disagreement is normal and healthy when each side responds well. "I simply refuse to have hard feelings when someone has a different viewpoint. If they have hard feelings over mine, that's their issue," says Yoder.

Recognize that some disagreements may remain unresolved, says Dixon, adding, "It's okay to agree to disagree. The aim is to maintain familial bonds, not to convert others to your perspective."

If you feel an upsetting discussion coming on and your stomach starts to clench, you don't have to wait for the conversation to turn ugly. Try encouraging your family member or friend to share their own personal experiences related to the issue. 

"Storytelling can humanize discussions, transforming abstract debates into relatable experiences," says Dixon. Doing this can help them feel heard without having to get into all the emotionally-charged political particulars.

In some situations, all these tips may not do the trick. Maybe your friend's husband keeps speaking to you disrespectfully. Or perhaps your sister won't stop raising her voice and refuses to hear your feelings. 

It's always okay to set a boundary — to say "I don't want to talk about this anymore." Blair Sharp, a young mother in Minnesota, tells me she plans not to bring up politics at all. "And if it comes up, shut it down!" she says.

"Establishing clear guidelines for conversation topics can help maintain a peaceful atmosphere," says Dixon. You can do this ahead of time (see tip number one) or in the moment. Set the boundary, then change the subject.

Let's say you change the subject, but your loved one keeps coming back to it. If they violate your boundaries, it's okay to walk away. "Leave the room," says Sharp. If a conversation escalates, you can step back, says Dixon. (This may be the time to take a quick break behind the trampoline…)

If you know how your family communicates and just can't face it this year, you can take a breather from big holiday parties and stick to smaller groups. "Creating smaller, more intimate gatherings can provide a more peaceful environment, allowing everyone to enjoy the holidays without the weight of political tensions," says Dixon. And if you think your regular gatherings could damage your relationships, it's okay to give it a miss this year.

After an emotionally charged election, you may feel a little nervous heading out to holiday gatherings this year. But if you use the tools above, you might find it easier to wade through the sea of strong opinions and feelings. 

"Navigating family gatherings after a politically charged election can be challenging," says Dixon. "But with intention and empathy, we can create spaces for understanding and love." 

Abby McCoy is an RN of 16 years who has worked with adults and pediatric patients encompassing trauma, orthopedics, home care, transplant, and case management. She has practiced nursing all over the world, from San Fransisco, CA, to Tharaka, Kenya. Read More