What does it mean to be a solo ager? There are currently 12 million of us in the United States who are single by choice, live without a spouse or partner; many are widowed or divorced. We may never have had children or are estranged from them.
In this collection of Next Avenue stories, experts offer personal advice and resources for navigating social, emotional and practical topics that solo agers may want to consider.
For instance, how do you develop or strengthen your safety net of key individuals to help you grow older?
How do you prepare for the rest of your life in terms of health care needs, housing, financial wellbeing, end-of-life directives and estate planning?
In a world that became more isolated in the pandemic, how can you find meaningful connections with others when your options are limited?
And how can you grow your personal networks and engage with others in ways that feel comfortable and accessible? Where can you turn for help with questions about important decisions to ensure yout own best interests?
We've also curated a series of essential guides, planning checklists and specially designed email courses to help you get concrete plans in place. Get started now so you can enjoy the peace of mind we all seek as we look to the future.


How to Thrive as a Solo Ager

Planning for the long-term can be unsettling, because aging is complicated and stacked with complexities and risks. But if you are a solo ager - someone without a spouse or children - enacting a plan will, over time, turn out to be one of the smartest things to do. Starting out, the toughest question to address is, where do I begin? That in itself elevates one's stress and worry to the point that it causes people to delay or put off making a plan entirely.  
In the book, "The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living," Dr. Amit Sood, a Mayo Clinic specialist in stress and resiliency, reveals how the mind's instinctive restlessness and shortsightedness generate stress and anxiety — especially when under pressure to perform.
When in this state, the brain reverts to distractions and absent-mindedness and Sood believes people spend half or more of their days disengaged from the present moment. And if you're dealing with a particular event or an emergency, being disengaged and absent-minded is not where you want your brain to be during the times that require unwavering decisions. 
Since the caregiving experience illustrated to me the biggest challenges that I will encounter at some point, helping my parents turned out to be a wake-up call. The idea of managing my life in the older years without daughters or sons to rely on invited much worry and stress.
Working through the worries of aging alone, over time I concluded, Wouldn't it make sense to think through significant long-term concerns before these issues become a threat?  
Eventually, that's what happened, and I got to work. I reviewed the top concerns that my parents faced and laid out a plan — a strategy that strengthened my ability to achieve independence in my 70s, 80s, and 90s.
I'm happy to report that applying these action steps has netted a higher confidence in my ability to take better care of myself and to live independently far longer. And if you apply them in your own life, I bet it will do the same for you.
A Solo Ager's Toolkit for Independence
Instinctively, I knew that ill health and other aspects such as isolation and loneliness, having purpose, and lack of support would agitate my wellness and stability.
Most singles and adults aging alone give little regard to the risks until they have firsthand experiences. If you've ever been or are currently in the throes of elder care, you can relate. That's why it is imperative to learn healthy, connected, and supportive behaviors long before you need help. 
The Guided Roadmap for a Supportive and Secure Future is a strategy that launched my own future plan. The circle came about from observing my parents. The tool opened a window to assess life's domains and the opportunity to witness where I fall short and where I excel.
Once I had a solid handle on my strengths and weaknesses of these top aging issues, I was primed for the needed changes.
The Living Well Assessment
The Living Well Assessment illustrates and instructs a person how to assess, evaluate and rate their current level of satisfaction in each domain: Money/Finances, Spirituality, Work/Purpose, Legal, Fun/Engagement, Community Support, Transportation, Family/Friends, Health/Fitness and Housing/Location.
Using a set of questions per domain allows a user to self-appraise each by giving it a value on the scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being a "difficulty or complete dilemma" and 10 is "wow, this feels good, minor improvement needed." 
After giving each question an honest value ranging from 1-10, tally up the final result by adding each value within the domain sequence. It sets the stage for identifying where you are right now with each. 
Knowing which domain receives the fewest tallies, signals the need for attention, adjustment, and reform.
Let's get started! Please know this is a condensed version of the Living Well Assessment. Answer each question and give it a rating 1-10. Keep track and tally the final result by adding each value within the domain sequence.
How Satisfied Are You With Your Health? 
Knowledge about your family medical history?Number of, and how well you manage, your chronic illnesses?Annual blood test results and screenings?Daily nutrition and whole foods intake?Your self-care routines?Ask: Do I have any chronic diseases, and how can I improve managing them? For relatives who have died, what can I learn about the cause and age of death? What would "healthy"look like for me? What are my barriers to good health: diet, nutrition, and exercise? What decisions can I make today that positively affect my health?
How Satisfied Are You With Your Housing? 
Ability to pay the home mortgage or rent? Can you easily handle the maintenance costs and upkeep?Home’s ability to meet your age in place requirements? Is it a single home or two-story?Proximity to family and friends, doctors, pharmacies, other medical facilities, shopping, senior centers, religious facilities, and other amenities?In­-home support services when needed?How Satisfied Are You With Social Connections? 
Your daily social interactions and activities?The available support?Loneliness and isolation?Social network size?Ask: How can I enhance connections where I live? What could happen that would enable me to feel fully engaged? What kind of friendships do I want? Describe them. What's one thing I can do to improve connections and friendships? What are two things I can do this week to feel less lonely? At times that I had the most friendships, what was going on?
How Satisfied Are You With Support? 
If you wanted to go on a trip for a day, or have lunch out, is there someone to invite?Who can you talk to about private worries and fears? What about financial and medical decisions?If you were sick, can you easily find someone to help with daily chores?Is there someone you can turn to for advice about handling problems?Ask: What is the biggest barrier for having support? What types of support would satisfy my needs? What are my local options? Who isn't available to help? Why not? Too costly? How can I create a support network offering reciprocity? 
How Satisfied Are You With Your Location? 
Level of police monitoring where I live?The safety and crime rate?Are health services nearby? What about shopping?Are recreation and cultural activities nearby?Ask: How high is the crime rate? What are the options for free alerts about recent crimes near me? What are the alternatives for remaining in the community as I age? What kinds of health medical services are available? What kinds of jobs exist? Does shopping require driving?
How Satisfied Are You With Exercise and Fitness? 
Sit to stand position?How many pounds can I lift and carry?Can I sit and reach? Sit to stand and go?How far can I walk?Moving my body? Ask: When active, what kind of things do I enjoy? How can I move more during the day? How has my energy level changed? What do I enjoy about (insert activity, such as walking in the park)? How does my body feel when I'm active? During? After? How does being active influence my mood?
How Satisfied Are You With Transportation? 
Driving a car or in heavy traffic?Affording a vehicle?Having easy access to medical rides or getting to appointments?Walking to shops and getting groceries?Ask: Are there private or non-profit transportation services? Public transit nearby? Can I walk to do errands?  Do medical/transportation services exist? Are friends or family available for rides or help with errands? What other transportation options are available?
How Satisfied Are You With Your Finances and Legal Matters?
Retirement savings?Amount of debt carried?Amount of an emergency fund saved?All the assets?Checking and savings? Overseeing my finances if I can’t?The selected health and financial proxy? My will or trust? Find Solutions and Take Action 
Your goal, once you've assessed your life and needs: Find solutions by understanding what actions you need to take to improve the issues that rate 5 or lower. Then locate solutions that appeal to your preferences through research. This is an abridged version of the Living Well Assessment however, it's a great place to start. By doing the work, it sets your life on the trajectory of aging well.


For Solo Agers, A Roadmap for a Secure Future

Carol Marak

The role that a robust, age-diverse support system plays for a solo ager (an aging adult 55+ single or partnered, who is without the support of adult children or close family members) is critical.
Third places are locations where we exchange ideas, have a good time, and build relationships. They are comfortable spaces and accessible to everyoneConnection to others is extremely important as one navigates their own health, the complexities of the health care system as a whole, and residential, financial and legal decisions. For solo agers, identifying personal contacts and qualified professionals to serve in these key roles that are "traditionally" filled by adult children/relatives requires careful and intentional planning.
It is equally important to be intentional about one's social support and connections. Where one lives and what access there is to community services and support is an important consideration. It is not always on people's checklists when researching the topic of community and housing as one ages, but it should be.
Connecting with others assists with improving our self-esteem, feeling cared for, reducing stress and increasing our resilience. 
Being part of and connected to a community has a major impact on our health and personal satisfaction. Connecting with others assists with improving our self-esteem, feeling cared for, reducing stress and increasing our resilience.
While Oldenburg's research focused on physical locations, it has become clear throughout our time navigating the pandemic that "virtual" places can play a role in our connection to others and to the community at large.
As one ages, meeting new people becomes more difficult. After retirement, there is no longer the ease of making new connections via a work environment, and for solo agers, there are not additional connections available via the friends of children or grandchildren. Yet, social support is critical to all aspects of our lives.
In my work with solo agers, I am often asked, "How do I make new connections?" and "Where can I meet new people?"
While it can be difficult to meet new people as we age, we often overlook the impact of our connection to "third places," which can offer new opportunities to expand and enhance our support systems.
What Are Third Places? 
"Third places" is a term coined by urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg and refers to places where people spend time between home ("first" place) and work ("second" place). They are locations where we exchange ideas, have a good time, and build relationships. They are comfortable spaces and accessible to everyone.
Third places are a part of our daily life and community and we connect to them in a variety of ways. Some are free or low cost — parks, libraries, community and senior centers, faith communities, adult education and other classes, and volunteer organizations. Others are commercial establishments like restaurants, coffee shops and bookstores. They can also be places that offer personal services such as salons, barbershops and gyms.
These connections and opportunities are not only a helpful adaptation as a result of the pandemic, but offer greater access and connection to those who are unable to travel for mobility or other reasons. The ability to attend a talk, meeting, book club, class or social gathering via video chat furthers our connection to others.
How to Make New Connections
Being connected socially to others offers a greater sense of purpose. It also lowers cardiovascular risks, including lowering blood pressure, motivates you to engage in a healthy lifestyle and encourages medication and treatment adherence.
To explore where there might be opportunities to make new connections consider:
Do I have a daily routine? Where do I go and who do I encounter? Who do I see/speak to every day?Do I have a weekly routine? Who do I see/speak to once per week?Do I have a monthly routine? Who do I see/speak to monthly?Am I a member of an “in person” group/groups?Book club, cards, Mah Jongg, current events, meditation, knitting, photography, walking, classes, birdingAm I a member of an online community or group/groups?Book club, current events, classes, faith community, professionalStop into a local bookstore and review what talks and programs they offer. Meet a friend for coffee somewhere new. 
Once you have given thought to what might be available to you, explore your interests. (Presuming it is healthy to do so.) Stop into a local bookstore and review what talks and programs they offer. Meet a friend for coffee somewhere new.
Make a list of things you would like to try and find ways to make it happen. Enroll in a course at an area university/college or your community adult education program. Take an art or writing class. Volunteer and meet others with similar interests. Join a book or photography club. 
In my experience as an independent board-certified patient advocate, and solo aging advocate and educator, the concern over a limited support system often weighs on the minds of solo agers.
Approaching the spaces and "third places" you connect with daily, weekly and monthly in a different way and with new perspective can offer new opportunities and enhance your social network.   


The Impact of Third Places for Solo Agers

Ailene Gerhardt

I am euphemistically known as a "solo ager," a 66-year-old child-free widower with no plans to seek another primary intimate monogamous relationship. I must admit that the term "solo ager" is preferable to the horrible designation made by other social scientists who refer to me as an "elder orphan." That phrase reeks of an aging Oliver Twist, developmentally frozen in the pain of abandonment and fear.
I am certainly not orphaned. I am well loved by others, continue to be involved as a psychologist in meaningful professional work and live independently. I feel vital in my activities of daily living and am as busy as I want. That said, it is a truth that I am existentially and observably alone as I live into this stage of life. This alone-ness carries unique risks for those in my cohort.
It's Challenging for Men to Be Vulnerable
A good deal of consideration is currently being given to solo aging. Themes abound for connecting to others and making personal wishes, including legal and financial directives, formal and concrete. While good advice, much of it tends to go in one eye and out the other as I, and many men of my generation, view such guidelines through a traditional male lens. 
Most of us are feeling lonelier and more isolated than we care to admit. 
Men of my ilk were taught from an early age never to admit vulnerability or to ask for help. So, we don't. 
We were taught to figure out problems independently or be humiliated:
Am I sick? "If I'm not feeling better tomorrow, I'll go to urgent care."
Am I lost? "I can't be far from where I'm going. I don't need the GPS. Let me try this turn." 
Do I need help carrying my groceries to the car? "It's just a sprained ankle. I can get this."Am I lonesome?  "I'm fine. I'm fine." 
As men, we would rather stand naked in rush hour traffic than risk the exposure of not knowing, or worse, being seen as weak and culpable for perceived fragility.
This type of traditional masculine maneuvering is potentially dangerous territory, particularly on the heels of the pandemic.
Most of us are feeling lonelier and more isolated than we are willing to admit. Our support systems have been disrupted, our health challenged and any sense of a normative rhythm upended in ways unknown during our lifetimes.
Fortunately, there are social science directives, translated here in masculine frames of reference, that may be helpful to mitigate the challenges of going it alone.
3 Steps for Successful Solo Aging
1. While You Are Healthy, Make Plans.
Complete advance directives and designate a trusted health care proxy. Spell out personal wishes regarding medical treatment. Grant someone the power of attorney to handle legal and financial matters should the need arise. Inform those close to you about your designate to ensure as little misunderstanding as possible in the event of a crisis or emergency.
Talk to an elder care financial planner. A 2020 study from Northwestern Mutual reports that "Overall, single men and women are generally less satisfied with their financial circumstances than married Americans. More than four in ten single men and half of single women say they feel either a moderate or a high level of anxiety about their personal financial security." 
Rely on the professional to assist in formulating a reasonable plan for managing money and financial resources, including considerations for long-term care, however that might emerge.
2. Go Toward Others.
Social science tells us there is great benefit in being social as we age. The impact of social distancing during the pandemic will be studied for years to come. Already, there is sound determination that the loss of broad interpersonal communities has undermined our collective sense of security and anchoring to day-to-day living. 
The psychologist John Cacioppo, in his 2009 book "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection," reports that loneliness may have twice the impact on early death as obesity and is as damaging as disadvantaged socioeconomic status.
We men are notorious for waiting for others to contact and recruit us into social activities. Such a stance never, never, never works.
Perhaps that statement is unclear and bears repetition: Waiting for others never, never, never works. 
When lonesome, sitting and waiting for others' invitations breeds disappointment, isolation, cynicism and contempt. Social connection requires reaching out and intentionally moving toward desirable activities and people. When activities are fun and meaningful, most in the gathered group will be equally engaged, making for easier collegiality and companionship.
Perhaps that statement is unclear and bears repetition: Waiting for others never, never, never works. 
A male solo ager is entirely responsible for his social life. Guys must be friendly to have friends.  This truth is easier for those, like me, who are extroverts. For those who are introverts, think carefully about living choices. Living alone in a family home may require an increased amount of solitary upkeep.
If there are adult children, remember they have their own urgent lives and may not be able to attend to elders with the frequency or intensity that a solo aging parent expects.
There are contemporary options for living at this stage of life, including 55-plus or retirement communities, walkable communities if driving is a challenge and village-to-village networks , which are grassroots organizations formed through a cadre of caring neighbors who want to change the paradigm of aging. Local villages connect members to a full range of practical support services to help with non-medical household tasks, services, programs, and transportation.
3. Get Busy. Stay Physically Active.
A major contributor to isolation and adverse aging is found in the loss of a schedule. Particularly for men, we rely on the identity that work provides. Typically, we are known for what we do. Our work identity provides meaning and accountability.
After retirement, there are new personal definitions to enhance our sense of self as we age. We shift into being known for who we are. This "hard right turn" from what we do to who we are is enhanced by routine rhythms of planned activities which contribute to ordinary vitality. Add regular physical activity and stay in motion. Research confirms that when physical exercise and social activities are combined, overall psychological health is amplified.
Looking ahead, allowing room for help, and seeking the companionship of others are keys to going it alone with integrity. Does it solve all the loneliness encountered as a solo ager? Certainly not, but it does keep us in in charge of what is manageable as we grow older.


How Men Adapt to Being Solo Agers

Jackson Rainer

Your longtime pals know all your best stories, what you'll order when you eat together at the place you always go and how you feel about your relatives, current events and exercise classes on Zoom. Make new friends, and whole new worlds open — and that's good for you.
"We've all just gone through an unwanted national experiment on social isolation, and there's no better time than the present for increasing your social circle," said Dr. Eric Lenze, a geriatric psychiatrist and psychiatry professor at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.
His research, funded by the National Institutes of Health, explores the effects of stress and social isolation on older adults and the benefits of social activities for increasing resilience.
"Older adults who report a higher level of social support have better emotional health, physical health and brain health, plus they have better cognitive functioning over time," Lenze said. "Initially, many older adults proved quite resilient at sheltering in place. But as it went along, it started to take a toll on mental and physical health."
"We've all just gone through an unwanted national experiment on social isolation, and there's no better time than the present for increasing your social circle." 
That may be especially true for "solo agers." Some 27% of adults 60 and older in the U.S. live alone, and it's particularly important for these individuals to stay connected.
To ramp up social interactions, Lenze recommends all older adults get vaccinated against COVID-19 right away and then follow these steps:
Write down any social networks you gave up during the pandemic and start reconnecting.Consider what you do online, including scheduling grocery deliveries, and go back to doing some of the activities in person.Think about all things you wished you could have done during the pandemic and start filling your schedule.That last recommendation is known in psychology as "pleasant-events scheduling," and Lenze said it is one of the most effective treatments for depression.
"Fill up your calendar, even with things you never did before," he said. "There's nothing about aging that suggests you can't try new things."
More 'Intentionality' Is Required 
Increasing your social interactions requires a deliberative effort, and Margit Novack, of Philadelphia, and the author of "Squint: Revisioning the Second Half of Life," understands that. 
In response to our question on the Next Avenue Community Facebook page, she wrote, "Developing friends as an older woman requires more intentionality. When I was raising kids or at work, friendships developed naturally. Now, if I want deeper relationships than acquaintances, I need to create space/opportunity for that to happen."
Conventional wisdom suggests that we'll find new friends by joining a book club or knitting group — or starting one. Others choose to volunteer at a food bank, work on a political campaign or sign up for docent training at a museum or zoo. 
"You get a two-fer if you join an exercise or yoga class or a meditation group because you get the physical and mental benefits of the activity plus the socialization," Lenze said. "Going to a dance class is a three-fer, because that's also cognitively stimulating." 
When you move to a new city or town, opportunities immediately arise for making new friends. When Ginny Burch Reed moved from New Hampshire to Vermont, she found lots of opportunities to volunteer for local organizations. "For a person who isn't particularly 'social,'" she said, "I seem to be involved in quite a few activities and have met a lot of terrific folks."
Jana L Hill relocated from Washington, D.C. to Belize, where she quickly found like-minded people. Every Saturday, Hill and a half dozen other individuals walk the pups living in animal shelters.
The Value of Younger Friends 
Charlotte Japp, a 2020 Next Avenue Influencer in Aging, makes a case for welcoming younger people into your inner circle. Japp is the founder of CIRKEL, a platform that connects workers ages 20 through 70+.
"More and more, we are siloed by age, and there are career and social consequences to that," Japp said. "We all go through very nuanced abstract experiences and it's good to talk to someone who has a different perspective. Life is so enriched by diversity, in every sense."
Kim Coryat, 65, agrees. "Several of my best friends are younger than my daughter, and socializing with them keeps me up on pop culture, current fashion and music," she said.
"I give thanks for several younger adults as friends as I enter retirement." 
One of her best friends is 30 years her junior, and Coryat, who lives in Conway, Ark., takes vacations with a 75-year-old friend and the woman's 55-year-old daughter. Coryat retired early in 2020 from her job as an archivist at the William J. Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock, Ark.
"I trained for that job with people thirty years younger than I was, and I didn't feel generational barriers," Coryat said. "Maybe that's because I went to college late, too. I didn't start until I was forty, after I retired from the military."
Coryat noted that she easily blended in with a younger crowd then because she didn't look her age. "Also, I was open to learning new things, going out to clubs and singing karaoke," she said. "I even joined a boot camp exercise program, where I learned as a woman of a certain age that jumping up and down was not my strong suit."
Find 'New Horizons'
Hart Edmonds, a Presbyterian pastor who lives in Hillsborough, N.C., also responded to our query on the Next Avenue Community Facebook page. "I give thanks for several younger adults as friends as I enter retirement," he wrote. "As a minister, I've been privileged to work with and learn from younger people who I find yearning for mentors and friendship with older adults. Too often our culture segments people by age and stage of life."
Anne Crowley also appreciates her younger friends, "for the energy they have and for reminding me it's important to have hope and keep working to make this world a better place."
Crowley, based in Washington, D.C., added that she has expanded her circle by starting a group for women "in or approaching midlife who want to make these years the best of their lives" and "by seeing a lot of live music and being friendly to people I meet at shows."
Steve Trickler of Scottsbluff, Neb., is in his 60s, and he's noticed many people his age are starting to slow down. "Maintaining ties with my younger friends allows me to stay more active," he wrote. "Plus, they are more adventuresome, more willing to try new things, go places. They are more in tune with literature and music — all of which excites me and keeps me enthused. Staying young at heart is about challenging yourself and finding new horizons to excite you and energize you."
Making new friends may help you do just that.


Looking for a Healthy Boost? Make New Friends.

Patricia Corrigan

Across caregiving and community, business and intergenerational attitudes, the pandemic and how we respond to it could change us forever. Next Avenue turned to some of our Influencers in Aging, a diverse group of thought leaders, for their insights, counsel and opinions of what could lie ahead — if we choose.
News stories today are full of articles on how to depend on family support systems for help during the pandemic. These stories range from the serious "What to do with your children if you get sick" to the more mundane "How do I keep from killing my spouse as we try to share an office?"
But what about the older adults who have no spouse or nearby children? I call them "solo agers."
Solo agers are part of our communities. They live in suburban homes, metropolitan apartments, rural farmhouses and mobile home parks everywhere. Most solo agers are active in their communities and interest groups, devoting their time and energy to civic and nonprofit organizations, food banks, book clubs, gyms and service organizations.
Under normal circumstances, these activities are a necessary and sufficient social outlet for solo agers. Today, these same vibrant, active solo agers are confined to their homes — alone. As a society, I think we have the responsibility of making sure all our members stay connected to the outside world and to one another.
Take Time to Reach Out
If you are a solo ager, reach out to those same people you used to see on a regular basis before the shelter-in-place orders took effect. Use email or the telephone as an initial contact point, then set up virtual face-to-face get-togethers on Skype, Zoom, FaceTime, or whatever app you prefer.
As a society, I think we have the responsibility of making sure all our members stay connected to the outside world and to one another.
If you are not a solo ager, I bet you know someone who is. Reach out and connect to them. If you are sheltering with family members, solo agers may be reluctant to reach out to you, thinking all your time and energy needs to be focused on those in your household.
That's likely not the case at all, and you can reassure the solo agers in your life that they matter to you by connecting via video technology. Engage them on a regular basis as much as possible.
Create a Buddy System
Going a step beyond those vital connections, what happens if you are a solo ager and you get sick during this pandemic and need help?


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Under normal circumstances, when solo agers get sick, they typically call one of their close friends, tell them they need some help and the friend brings groceries or drives them to the doctor. Obviously, that has to be modified during a pandemic. But it doesn't mean you should abandon that buddy system. Moreover, if you are a solo ager and don't have a current arrangement like that with a friend, this a good time to initiate one.
In our current situation, even while you are well, it's important to check in with each other, at least several times a week, and ideally once a day. Make sure you both have all the supplies (ibuprofen or acetaminophen, a thermometer, cough lozenges, etc.) you need to take care of yourself if you do get sick. These can be ordered and delivered to your door by most large pharmacy chains.
Make sure you each have sufficient food in the house, including soups and juices to help you stay hydrated. Build lists of these essentials together and review them often.
If one of you begins to have symptoms of COVID-19 and becomes frightened, step up the contact. Check in with each other several times a day. You should each know the other's primary physician's phone number and the number of the emergency room at each other's nearest hospital.
If your friend begins having trouble breathing or starts running a fever of over 102 degrees, call 911 and send an ambulance to take them to the hospital. You won't be going along, but you can ensure they are getting the help they need.
Locked Down and Alone
We all need to remember, too, that some solo agers reside in retirement and assisted living communities. These are normally pleasant, congenial places where older adults in their 80s, 90s, and 100s live and receive help from staff with the activities of daily living, as the need arises.
Residents usually eat together, gather in groups to discuss the events of the day, engage in exercise classes or play competitive board games or cards. Many of us have family members who live in these communities.
As I write this, communities for older adults throughout the country are "locked down." That means the residents are confined to their rooms and no outside visitors are allowed on the premises.These residents are now very much alone. Where once they spent the greater part of their day socializing with other residents or receiving visits from family, now they sit in their rooms and apartments alone.
If you know a resident in a senior community, you would be doing a grand deed (or mitzvah, as we say in Yiddish) to step up your communication with them during this lockdown.
I have a 96-year old cousin who lives in an assisted living community. Her daughter or I used to visit or take her to lunch several times a month. This past month, we have both been calling her every day. Her vision and hearing won't allow a video connection, so we just use the telephone. Without these calls, the only person she would see or talk to all day is one aide who drops in to help her dress and bathe and another who delivers her meals.
There are hundreds of thousands of our elders in these communities. If you know a resident in a senior community, you would be doing a grand deed (or mitzvah, as we say in Yiddish) to step up your communication with them during this lockdown.
If you don't have a personal connection to an elder in a senior living community and you would like to serve in this way, I suggest calling one of these communities in your town and letting a staffer there know that you would like to be a contact point for a resident. I think they will be delighted to make the connection and introduction for you. You can take it from there and build your relationship through phone calls — or maybe even video chats — several times a week.


How the Pandemic Has Inspired Solo Agers to Connect

Sara Zeff Geber

Over 30 years ago, researchers and geriatricians identified an "elder orphan" (sometimes called a "solo ager") as a person aging alone with little support. But when my Elder Orphan Facebook group targeting this population launched over 2 1/2 years ago, little was known about them. Even then, few realized that the hardships faced by older people with no nearby family members could be any different from those of others aging at home.
Health care professionals and companies tend to lump the older population into four segments: ages 55 to 64, 65 to 74, 75 to 84, and 85 and older. It's assumed that people in these age brackets deal with, or eventually could deal with, similar concerns relating to health, housing, transportation, caregiving and safety. But those concerns are further magnified for those who do not have a support system, and that number may be higher than you imagine. For example, in Dallas, where I live, 30 percent of people 65 and older live alone.
Thankfully, through the dedicated service of social workers, gerontologists and geriatricians, the unique challenges of the solo ager have been identified. The most recent research project, headed by Rupal Parekh, a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Texas at Arlington, School of Social Work, with the Elder Orphan Group, uncovers the preliminary data that brings clarity about the issues facing this segment of the population.
The Unique Differences of Solo Agers
Since founding the Elder Orphan Facebook group, one insight I've gained is that its members with offspring feel the most isolated and alone when distance keeps them apart from family. And those who never had children have learned to build social networks of friends.
To have the support of someone when you're sick and confined to a bed is important for everyone, but our research found that 39 percent of study participants had no one to call in that situation.
Some members of the group have created a support team and text each other by a certain time of the day or call by phone. If there is no response, they have a contingency plan of action. Their strategy offers peace of mind and causes the members to feel they have someone to count on.
One individual and a set of eight friends have taken it to the extreme; they've committed to be there for one another and even to serve as legal guardians. As a group, they've consulted with an attorney who set up the necessary documents.
Legal Medical Decisions
All types of needs for assistance increase with age, but interventions for making health care decisions are the biggest concern. Traditionally, such collaboration has been provided by family members. When someone is aging alone, it is often not clear who can and will be available to support him or her, or who will be serve as the health care proxy if necessary.
Without a supportive infrastructure, those aging alone are at risk for lack of care, inadequate care or care that goes against their wishes.
Our research has taken a closer look into this issue and discovered 43 percent of our members have not identified a health care decision maker. They say they "haven't gotten around to it," but note that when they do, they plan to pull together a team of health care professionals.
Events such as loss of support system (which could occur with the death of a family member or friends; multiple chronic health issues; a fall or other physical limitations could be the causes for their inability to make health care decisions.
However, the preliminary data revealed that more than 27 percent have fallen at home in the last six months; 26 percent live with three or more chronic illnesses and 35 percent do not have family or friends to help them cope with life's challenges. It makes sense that more would have their medical decision making plans in place, but that's often not the case.
One person in the Elder Orphan group admitted, "I couldn't get motivated until I had episodes of falling. This got my attention."
Another said, "I have an advance directive and health care proxy filed with my primary care doctor. What I don't have is an executor, and I can't think of a younger person I know well or trust enough to ask."
Help Needed Thinking Through Decisions
Being an administrator of the Elder Orphan Group, it's my opinion that members who have lost husbands and the single parents live the most insulated lives, compared to single or divorced individuals without adult children.
However, both groups have trouble finding someone close to them who can provide help when it comes to thinking through vital decisions or calling for information about them. The preliminary data shows close to 33 percent have someone, but only some of the time. And 55 percent have no one with whom to discuss medical decisions.
Most in the group want to connect socially. It's a huge desire and that's proven by the high-level number of interactions on Facebook. They also want to learn new skills and to work. But when it comes to having a list of reliable contacts, the solo ager often comes up short.
The Research Tells Many Stories
Here's a little bit about the people who comprise The Elder Orphan Group:
They are well educated; preliminary data reveals that over 70 percent are college graduates, 30 percent of those earned a master’s degree and 7 percent earned a Ph.D. or a medical degree.Those who are still working make a fairly decent income.Although exercise is recognized as the best way for adults to help ward off chronic illnesses and is touted to slow the effects of aging, 29 percent of the solo agers report they don’t do any moderate exercise.Most significantly, I want to clarify that the issues described above don't solely affect those who are single and alone, but also those who have family. That's the significance of this research; to diminish the perception that people with family don't experience isolation and loneliness.
The research intends to develop a stronger understanding of older adults who are aging alone and have limited support within the U.S. We know that elders aging alone are often a hidden population, so academic studies can help bring voice and understanding of the needs and challenges.
It's my hope to pique the interest of research scientists and to encourage investment in aging. But also, by using the members' stories along with the eyebrow-raising stats, I want to give hope and solutions to those outside the group and the professionals who work with them.
While research helps raise awareness and uncovers unrealized data, even the most rigorous statistics lose impact if the analysis is not communicated to decision makers who need to know.


What We All Need to Know About Solo Aging

With her recent book, Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers: A retirement and aging roadmap for single and childless adults, Sara Zeff Geber brought the term “solo agers” into the national vocabulary. By Geber’s definition, a solo ager (sometimes called an “elder orphan”) is a boomer without children and/or grandchildren. Geber, a 2018 Influencer in Aging based in Santa Rosa, Calif., is a retirement coach for boomers, a life planning and retirement transition expert, a professional speaker, a workshop leader and a Forbes contributor. She has a Ph.D. in organizational behavior.
Next Avenue: Your bio says: Sara has been among the first professionals in the field to recognize that the baby boom generation would re-invent the whole notion of retirement in a very exciting way. Tell me about that.
Sara Zeff Geber: In 2010, nobody was talking about this. Boomers were primarily in the workforce. I was looking at the trajectory of the boomer generation and what we’ve changed in society and the likely changes we will enact in our later years. Now, we’re starting to see them bigtime.
Why is there so much interest in solo agers now? 
For one thing, there are so many of us. Almost 20 percent of boomers don’t have kids and as I keep being told in my talks, solo aging is not limited to people who don’t have kids. Lots of people are aging alone with kids who live a long way away and a lot of them don’t want to rely on their kids.
Some people refer to older adults without children as ‘elder orphans,’ but you don’t like that term and many others don’t either. Why?
I hate that term. I find it offensive; the word ‘orphans’ has always had a negative connotation. I wanted to use words that are positive or at least neutral. I think I coined the term ‘solo ager’ eight years ago and now I’m pleased others are using it.
What are the challenges and opportunities solo agers face that are different than other people?
Opportunities? You absolutely have a lot more freedom to decide where you’re going to live. You don’t have the tug of kids or grandkids to live in a particular climate you don’t want. And you can go wherever you want.
What do people ask you about solo agers when you give talks about it?
People are very interested in the topic of where they should live. I’m not the biggest fan of aging in place; I like to see people focus on aging in community. It’s so important to build and maintain a social support network. I encourage people to think through to the end of life when we need people around us.
What do solo agers need to do first for their retirement planning?
They should use professionals like financial advisers and estate attorneys and get their paperwork in order — advance directives, wills, trusts, powers of attorney. That forces solo agers to think through: ‘Who will I name on those documents?’ And they have to talk to those people; you can’t just name them and let it go. You need to tell them your values and your vision for your future.
What happens when a solo ager asks someone to be in charge of their end-of-life wishes?
I can’t say people are always very gracious and say: ‘Yes, I’d be happy to do it.’ They’re not always comfortable at first. Help them understand you need people in your corner as a solo ager. If you tell me ‘I asked one person and she declined,’ I say: ‘Move on to the next person.’
I encourage people to start with family: a niece or nephew who lives near them.
What happens is often people go into a crisis after a fall or a medical event and there they are in the hospital and somebody needs to be there as an advocate waving paperwork saying: ‘I am power of attorney.’
What do you want your legacy to be?
I want people to remember me as a person who opened the world’s eyes to the fact that many people in the coming older generation of boomers, and possibly generations to follow, don’t have the safety net of adult children as we get older. And we need to plan in many ways what want to be, who we will be around and how we will avoid isolation and loneliness.


Sara Zeff Geber: Offering Retirement Advice for Solo Agers

Richard Eisenberg

This essay is part of Telling Our Stories: Reflections on the Pandemic. We invited readers to share their experiences of the past year, and selected 12 essays for publication on Next Avenue. Read the full collection.When we first went into lockdown, I remember the fear in people's voices as we grappled with our sudden loss of freedom and the anxiety about the possibility of losing loved ones.  Gradually, my own fear was replaced with monotony, punctuated with minor inconveniences. 
I'm 62, still employed as a civil servant, and I live alone. Masking, handwashing and sanitizing have become stylized rituals, easily reversed. If anything has changed permanently, it's my perspective on my own social life. 
In the before times, regular interactions with coworkers, neighbors, friends and a few relatives kept me from feeling the sting of loneliness. I scoffed at occasional allusions to my being perhaps a just a bit too self-reliant. 
I like my own company and although I don't advertise it, I often look forward to long weekends and holidays to satisfy my introverted need for battery recharging. But even for me, a year of alone time has been a challenge.
Without the noise of the usual hubbub to distract me, I've become painfully aware, and frankly terrified, of how thin and fragile my social network really is. 
I've learned how important even the people you don't know well can become when there's a crisis.  Just noticing one of the regulars in my landscape can give me a boost, like the kid down the block who works at a costume store. 
For several years, I've occasionally caught sight of him standing beside his car, smoking a last cigarette before he heads to work, dressed as a different character each time (a chicken, a vampire). I used to shake my head with embarrassment for him. Now I feel oddly sympathetic and also reassured that there's still some normalcy in the world because he apparently hasn't lost his job. 
Or that young woman who moved into the unit at the end of the hall whom I used to regard as a nuisance, with her silly invitations to join her for a margarita on Friday afternoons. Her kindness has been a lifeline for me this past year.
Without the noise of the usual hubbub to distract me, I've become painfully aware, and frankly, terrified, of how thin and fragile my social network really is. I depend too much on too few people. I catch myself trying to forecast what it will be like when my job is in the rearview, more family pass away and friends move to be close to their children. 
Will my life become like an endless weekend of watching TV, reading, emailing, an occasional Zoom call, home projects…kind of like, um, now?  
As I write this — knock on wood — I've been able to make necessary adjustments to keep my life working and no one close to me has gotten sick or lost their job. Even luckier may be this unpleasant preview of retirement.  
Thanks to the pandemic, I've found my next mission, which is to build some redundancy into my support system, starting NOW. I hope my next submission will be about that process and how I'm succeeding in saving my own life. 


The Pandemic: A Preview of Retirement?

Cindy Andersen

(This article was originally published on Caring.com.)
As age-related health issues make it tougher to get around and stay independent, most older adults at some point will rely on a family member for help. Usually, one or more adult children will step in to provide or arrange for care when that day comes.
But what about those who never had children? These people  are referred to as “childless” or more recently, “childfree.” Who will care for them when they’re no longer able to care for themselves? Author and retirement planning expert, Sara Zeff Geber calls these older adults “solo agers,” and is working to raise awareness about the need for this cohort to plan for their future.
Geber says she often sees solo agers who seem to be in denial about the need to plan for their long-term living and care arrangements. “That led me to the realization that people needed some guidance for what to do for themselves when they don’t have that safety net,” says Geber.
But Geber has also noticed a growing awareness of the importance of long-term care planning among childfree older adults, especially as more of them provide care for their own aging parents. “People are spending time and resources and sometimes opening up their homes to their own aging parents, and they’re seeing the result of people living so much longer today,” Geber says.
Yet, with higher-than-ever life expectancies and a graying boomer population, an AARP study points to a growing gap between the number of older Americans who will need care and the available supply of family caregivers. According to the study, there were seven potential caregivers for every person 80 years and older in 2010, but that ratio is expected to drop to four to one by 2030, and to three to one by 2050.
Among boomers, the rate of solo agers is almost 20 percent. With more people now choosing to forgo parenthood altogether, the number of solo agers is only projected to rise, underscoring the need for a greater emphasis on planning for a future without adult children to call on.
Advantages of Being a 'Solo Ager'
Despite the prevailing wisdom, there are plenty of advantages to being childfree as an older adult. Since childfree older adults never had to shoulder the considerable costs associated with childrearing — the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s latest estimates put the average cost at about $245,000 per child from birth to age 18, not including higher education costs — they’ve had decades to save more of their income for their later years.
“That money may have been growing since their 20s or 30s rather than being spent on raising children,” Geber says.
She points out that in many cases, these older adults have had more time and space to form strong bonds with friends and to build up a network of close, non-familial relationships. At the same time, many childfree Americans have also been able to develop close relationships with nieces and nephews or other younger relatives.
Once they hit retirement age, childfree older adults typically have more freedom of choice when it comes to where they’ll live. While many parents choose to live close to adult children and grandchildren in their later years, solo agers don’t have progeny to bind them to any one place. Nonetheless, plenty of older childfree adults opt to remain in the communities near long-established networks of friends and acquaintances, Geber notes.
Drawbacks for Childfree Americans
A clear disadvantage of being a childfree older adult is the absence of a built-in safety net to care for you when you need assistance. While not everyone will care for their parents later in life, most do step in to provide some form of help in the event of a serious health issue, Geber notes.
The absence of adult children is perhaps most acutely felt when it comes to end-of-life planning and during the end of life itself. While childfree older adults aren’t necessarily alone in their last days, weeks and months, they won’t have adult children to fall back on during that time.
“In the end, when people are dying, it’s usually those grown kids at their side,” Geber says. “That’s a disadvantage for solo agers that never goes away.”
Yet, when it comes to ensuring that your end-of-life wishes are respected, good planning can make up for most, if not all, of the gap left by the absence of adult children, says Geber.
Housing Options for Childfree Older Adults
Without the prospect of adult children to take them in or help them make decisions about housing in their later years, it’s especially crucial that childfree older adults make decisions early about where they want to live later in life.
The same older adult housing options available to older adults with children are often great choices for childfree older adults, too — from Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs), which allow residents to remain in the same community even after they require assistance with daily living routines, to assisted living communities, board and care facilities or nursing homes when higher levels of care are needed.
Another housing option that’s gaining popularity is co-housing, an arrangement in which a group of older adults or multi-generational residents live in a community of homes specifically designed for aging adults’ changing needs. Community members typically organize regularly scheduled shared activities, meals and events.
Meanwhile, others are opting to age in place with the help of in-home care. Growing numbers of those who choose to remain in their home are now joining what’s known as the village movement, a membership-based network that connects neighbors and provides services such as transportation, yard work and home maintenance. The aim of these villages is to help older adults stay in their homes for as long as possible.
Planning is Crucial
Advanced planning is key to ensure that long-term care and end-of-life preferences are honored, whether someone is a parent or not. But for those without adult children, this planning is even more crucial.
Part of that planning includes going to visit different types of older adult housing (CCRCs, board and care homes, assisted living facilities, etc.) to get an idea of what might someday be the best fit for you, Geber says. For those who plan to age in place, she advises turning to services like Caring.com (where I am a content producer) to learn about in-home care options.
With a clearer idea of the older adult care arrangement you want, the next key piece of the puzzle is having conversations with loved ones (this might include nieces, nephews or other younger relatives you’re close to, or it may mean close friends). Making sure your power of attorney and advance health directive documents are in order is also critical.
“The real key," says Geber, "is to let people know what you want.”
Geber also advises childfree older adults to consider the services of a fiduciary, a financial professional you authorize to act on your behalf. “You can put in the hands of a professional fiduciary the kinds of things you would expect your adult children to do,” she notes.
Next Avenue Editors Also Recommend:
• Choosing a Health Care Proxy When You're an 'Elder Orphan'
• Who Will Provide Care for Childless Boomers?
• 'Elder Orphans' Have a Harder Time Aging in Place


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