'Old' Jokes Can Get Old
I don’t like “old” jokes as a general rule. Birthday cards bemoaning old age don't strike me as funny. And when my late grandma told me about hanging black crepe paper at a 40th birthday party, something she found hilarious at age 96, I mustered a polite titter for her benefit.
Those things just don’t tickle my funny bone, mostly because I prefer a slyer, more absurd brand of humor. Like the meme showing two older women:
Woman 1: "I've been trying to reach you all day."
Woman 2: "That's a calculator."
While age may be a factor in this joke, it's the absurdity that makes me laugh. But some jokes about old age do tickle me — especially now that I’m getting older. Like this quip from the ever-popular Golden Girls television series:
Dorothy: Oh c'mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind.
Blanche: Tell that to my thighs.
It’s funny, because I can relate. Age changes our bodies. So do pregnancies, sleep habits, career obligations and illness. All things I’ve joked about, often darkly, over the years.
When friends complain about getting older, I like to point out that every phase of life is a mixed bag. My tween has growing pains. My teen suffers from wild mood swings. Morning sickness was brutal. Childbirth more so.
And while the truth is, I felt physically worse when my kids were little than I do now that I have time to sleep, read and do yoga, I can no longer read menus in low-lit restaurants. This makes for some ridiculous situations — and if I’m on my game, some good jokes.
“There’s plenty to laugh about when it comes to the human condition, and comedians have always found plenty of fodder in making fun of themselves,” says Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism and Next Avenue's 2016 Influencer of the Year.
Whether to Laugh or Cry
Humor helps us cope with life’s indignities, of course. And I am decidedly for it — even when it makes us uncomfortable. Maybe even especially when it makes us uncomfortable. The trouble, Applewhite points out, is that lots of jokes about growing older don’t make us uncomfortable about the right things.
“Of course 'old jokes' are inherently ageist, just like blonde jokes are inherently sexist. They all reinforce stereotypes," Applewhite wrote to me, "which doesn’t mean they’re not funny. What’s not funny is the underlying discrimination — which I wish comedians would also point a finger at, or at the way our fears of aging are so out of proportion to the reality, or at the way consumer culture and the medical-industrial complex turn perfectly normal transitions into tragic problems that require expensive ‘cures’ and ‘fixes’!”
The Funny Thing Is
Which explains why I cringed when the book 1,000 Unforgettable Senior Moments by Tom Friedman landed on my desk, but then found myself laughing at several of the entries. Betty White is funny. Zsa Zsa Gabor is funny. And forgetfulness is funny. But the very idea of a "Senior Moment" reinforces a stereotype of older adults that I find distasteful.
This also explains why the comedic quips about growing older on the accompanying slides recently generated hot debate among my Next Avenue colleagues.
Do these wise (or not-so-wise-)cracks from the likes of Phyllis Diller, Jerry Seinfeld and Joan Rivers perpetuate ageist stereotypes? Yes.
Are they funny? Yes (at least to some people).
As Applewhite points out, both can be true: We can laugh about aging all we want while getting serious about stamping out ageism.
Bob Hope
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
Billy Crystal
"By the time a man is old enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere."
Joan Rivers
"You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift-wrapped it."
George Carlin
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories."
Jerry Seinfeld
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
Phyllis Diller
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
 


When Are Jokes About Aging Ageist?

Heidi Raschke

The history of liberation movements reserves a special place of honor for the documents that reveal inflicted suffering. Enlightenment struggles — for American independence from Great Britain, the abolition of slavery in Britain and the United States, women’s rights everywhere — needed such evidence to reframe public opinion. Collective resistance and reform depend on having the wrongs described, feelingly.
The Declaration of Independence (1776) and the Dec­laration of Rights and Sentiments (1848) both confirmed how victims were harmed, through lists of substantial and deeply substantiated complaints. To serve an anti-ageist movement, in the same hopeful collective spirit that animated Thomas Jefferson and Eliza­beth Cady Stanton, I offer a preamble of justification and a list of grievances.
This list will surely prove preliminary. These charges are guided by a vision of social inclusion, well-being, and justice. The following Declaration of Grievances is delivered in the choral voice of those in later life. Like earlier resolutions, it is addressed to all who are likely to corroborate the indictments and wish to correct the evils.
Declaration of Grievances
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one portion of humankind to assume among the people of the earth a position different from that which we currently occupy, the one to which the laws of equality-in-diversity entitle us, a decent respect to the opinions of humankind requires that we should declare the causes that impel us to cast off our patient subjugation. Our portion consists of older human beings. “They” refers to agents of all ages who, knowingly or not, injure us or benefit from our subjugation.
Through shameless age-shaming, they silence us. They destroy confidence in our own powers, lessen our autonomy, and make many accept, willingly or not, an unnecessarily dependent or abject life.
Through condescension, ridicule and indifference, and through exaggerated deference to medicine and science, they make our own bodies foreign to us.
Through hate speech, they make contemporary media and the use of social media unpleasant to us.
Through depictions in the arts, they often distort our longings and agency and express fantasies noxious to our well-being.
In many ways, they make cultural participation, a human right, difficult for us.
Through careless bodily force, they sometimes make the public spaces of our land dangerous to us.
Disregarding our desires, talents and abilities, they often exclude us from places of learning and power.
Disregarding our desire, talents and abilities, they monopolize nearly all profitable employments and often entirely exclude us from meaningful work and necessary income.
Although we suffer from the disparate impact of laws, hostile behavior and prejudicial discourses that undermine our ability to obtain or retain available work, the courts prevent us from having recourse to the governmental agencies that should help us to seek redress. The legislatures have refused assent to bills wholesome and necessary to our good.
By passing state statutes requiring forms of identification that many of us lack and some cannot obtain, they deprive many of us of the right to vote, rightly ours since our first coming of age, and basic to democratic process.
Through attested patterns of medical ignorance, neglect or misconduct, they adversely impact our health outcomes, as if our well-being were worth less than that of others.
Through legal procedures lenient to evildoers, and in other ways, our lives — particularly if we are women and impaired — are held to be cheaper than the lives of others.
By treating us as burdens in public forums, and through the aforementioned medical and legal practices, many of those with power put in question our basic right to live.
May the blessings of the elders be apportioned to the deserving, and be heard and valued and may their reproofs also serve as guidance to the generations.
 
This op-ed is adapted from Margaret Morganroth’s Gullette new book, Ending Ageism, or How Not to Shoot Old People. Reprinted with permission of Rutgers University Press.


How an Anti-Ageist Movement Unites

Margaret Morganroth Gullette

Back when malls were still an option, I had a few favorite stores I liked to frequent including Macy's, Bloomingdales, The Gap, Loft and White House Black Market. I also loved TJ Maxx and Marshall's for the bargains. No matter where I went, though, I noticed a clear division — a definite split between the younger, junior-sized clothing and more matronly women's sizes.
Junior clothing was (and is) cut shorter, smaller and trendier. Women's sizes are cut more generously, and often look like what my teenage and tween daughters like to call "grandma outfits." As a 40-something woman, I was glad to have so many options. I floated between the two, depending on where I was going and what I needed to buy, but it was annoying to have to search so hard for what I was looking for.
When I heard about the clothing-subscription service Stitch Fix and its competitors Trunk Club, Wantable and The Daily Look — all of which promise perfectly curated wardrobe picks — I had to try one. After doing some research, I decided to give Stitch Fix a go.
Signing up for the service requires users to fill out a style survey, complete with information such as body measurements, sizes, date of birth and fit preferences.
Are your hips straight or curvy? Do you have a long, short or average torso? Are your arms long or short? Which body parts do you like to flaunt? Are you proud enough of your midsection or rear to show them off? Which colors, prints, or fabrics do you like? Where do you usually shop?
I went through all the steps, being honest about all of the above.
Disappointed By the Selection 
The first few boxes, which started arriving in 2015, were lovely. I got pretty jeans and cozy sweaters. Sure, I never really got any of the V-neck shirts I asked for or "sexy dresses for date night" I requested, but I was happy enough.
And then came the box that broke the camel's back.
However, as the years went by (and my age ticked up towards 50) something started to happen: My Fixes — "Stitch Fix speak" for monthly subscription boxes — looked frumpier and frumpier.
Boxes were filled with shirts that were loose and flowing. Pants and jeans were just plain boring. Dresses, when I occasionally requested them, were long with empire waists.
As a curvy, fit size 4, I was disillusioned, sending back most of the boxes, since none of the items I received were "me."
I tried solving the problem by sending detailed stylist notes. I called in and spoke to customer service representatives, who said they added notes to my style profile. I took the daily Style quizzes that are designed to convey clothing and style preferences.
Still, although I requested 16 boxes over the years, I was unhappy enough that there were long stretches where I didn't request anything.
I remained hopeful, though, so last winter, when I was invited to a friend's 50 birthday party, I decided to give it another go. And then came the box that broke the camel's back.
An Eye-Opening Change
The party was February 7, and would be held at a big, waterfront catering hall. I knew everyone would be coming dressed to impress, so I carefully laid out my dilemma in a note to my stylist. I wanted something fabulous — sexy, pretty and maybe even a little bit sparkly. A dress, I suggested, or a beautiful pair of black pants with a top that showed plenty of cleavage.
My Fix arrived on the day of the party. It contained none of the above.
The dresses were hideous. One was an ugly green pattern that went down past my knees. Another was an eggplant-colored nightmare. There was a pair of stretch pants with yet another loose, flowing top.
I was crushed and upset. I was also done with Stitch Fix.
Then one night, when I was walking the dog, it hit me: Maybe I was getting frumpy outfits because I was what some might call a frumpy age. Would my style choices change if my age changed?
I decided to test out my theory. I logged online and made myself a millennial, rather than a Gen Xer, with a birth year of 1985.
My first Fix after I virtually regressed was eye-opening.
There wasn't a single flowing top in sight. Instead, I got four cute tops, including an olive green short-sleeve shirt with cutouts on the back, an asymmetrical maroon cold shoulder top that emphasized my cleavage and yellow striped tank that could be tied to show a little belly. I also got a fabulous pair of distressed skinny jeans that were totally different than the jeans they had sent in the past.
I immediately texted my friends, thrilled that my experiment seemed to work. I was keeping all five pieces in my Fix. Still, what if it was a fluke? What if the stylist just had a good day? I needed another Fix to be sure, so I put in my request.
Several weeks later, I got my answer.
My first Fix after I virtually regressed was eye-opening. There wasn't a single flowing top in sight.
When that Fix arrived, I tore open the box. The first thing I saw: two pair of shorts. The first was distressed denim with a cute rolled hem. The second was the same style in a difference color — cream — without the distressing. The biggest difference, however, was the fit. These shorts were short with tighter leg holes. Much shorter than the shorts I've received in the past.
The other items included a pink tank with a deep V-neck that gave me the cleavage I always begged for, an asymmetrical one-shoulder knit top and an adorable navy V-neck tee with tiny little cacti printed all over it. I literally squealed as I tried each item on.
Finally, clothing that didn't look like my grandmother — or mother — should be wearing them.
Age Does Seem to Matter
Again, I rushed to my phone to update my friends. I took selfies and sent them over, asking if the shorts were too short. (They weren't, I was assured). And then I got a surprise.
My friend Julie, who is in her 40s, decided to get in on my experiment. She changed her date of birth, making herself about 15 years younger, too. She had the same experience as I did. So did her friend, Melissa. Both women reported that the first Fixes as younger women were amazing.
Could all our experiences be coincidental?
I reached out to the folks at Stitch Fix, but they declined an interview. Instead, they sent me some background regarding how the company's Fixes are curated.
First and foremost, the company's algorithms are a recommendation engine for the human stylists. While there are many factors that go into the styling process, age is definitely part of the criteria. The algorithm spits out suggestions based on the criteria it collects and the stylist chooses from those suggestions to fill the box.
The bottom line: Yes, age does seem to matter. Somewhere, there's a computer that doesn't think women of a certain age deserve funky jeans and shoulder-baring tops.


Are Sites Like Stitch Fix Ageist?

Karen J. Bannan

The cruelty of the COVID-19 era has stripped us prematurely of many matriarchs and patriarchs, of all races and ethnicities, who had the misfortune to live in long-term care facilities that could not, or would not, save their lives. They are now an utterly disproportionate 40% of the U.S. dead — already 100,000 people.
Sunrise over the Vietnam memorial and Washington MonumentAlready, specific memorials are emerging: my own city has placed stark rows of empty chairs in front of City Hall for all of Newton, Mass.'s dead. Eventually there will be many scattered memorials, less ephemeral — plaques in hospitals, say, like those in fire stations after 9/11.
But we need to honor our missing, lamented elders with a special permanent and national cenotaph [a memorial to honor a person or people whose remains are elsewhere] to them, as a collective. This is a matter of justice and solidarity.
We grieve with the families for their loved ones who merely needed some help with activities of daily life; who were managing disabilities or chronic illnesses or cognitive impairments with dignity; who came to nursing or veterans' homes to recover from operations or because they liked congregate living more than loneliness.
They should have died hereafter, their hands held by loving hands. They could have.
We may wrongly think they were too frail and too susceptible to the coronavirus, instead of recognizing that they could have been better protected by their state bureaucracies and the administrators of their facilities.
The monument we need would be beautiful and dignified, soothing and unifying.
The truth is: In some care homes notable for forethought and good will, residents never got infected. Or if some tested positive, more of them survived. Many others could have had longer and happier lives.
The Grief of Families
Instead, their families remain left with grief, shock and sometimes outrage at the ageist neglect and malfeasance that bereaved them. Reckonings and reform are not yet in sight.
The survivors feel isolated, unable to hold healing funerals. But Americans not so afflicted can empathetically share their grief, nationally and publicly.
On a sad landmark day in September, "Doonesbury" cartoonist Garry Trudeau had Mike Doonesbury ask, wonderingly, "How do we grasp the vast scope of what's happening?" and filled the Sunday strip with 200,000 dots.
One way to grasp the scope of the wrong done to those who died and those who will die in long-term care facilities is by erecting a monument especially to them.
The monument we need would be beautiful and dignified, soothing and unifying. Imagine something that moves visitors like Maya Lin's Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington D.C. or the AIDS quilts. This one would be a noble structure of rich colors and materials to symbolize the way they are remembered, with full, individual lives and relationships.
Whatever the design, we need a powerful way of combating the terrible stereotypes of older adults who reside in care facilities: that they are unwanted and "demented" and therefore so much less than human that they are probably just waiting to die.
Aspersions against long-term care residents are cruel and untrue.  
Ageism is intersectional and encompassing: into its vile attitudes and actions, it twists ableism and sexism, racism, classism and dementism.
Ageism in the Pandemic
Even before 2020, heavy foundations were laid for treating the prospect of older deaths without alarm or adequate funding for strict preventive measures. These attitudes led to a neglect that we can only call eldercide.
And since COVID-19, the statistics about the pandemic created a group identity for all older people as those-who-tend to-die. "The elderly" — including those of us who had until then thought of ourselves as still in the prime of life — were framed as doomed.
The first news of COVID-19 victims in long-term care facilities came from a nursing home in Seattle in February, and the statistics after that never let up. Certain ones were endlessly repeated: the median age of the dead; the higher risk of those in their 60s, 70s, 80s or beyond.
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The numbing numbers cramp those of us in the second half of life into a faceless, sexless mass, without a voice. No one can "say their names." No one can even learn their gender or race. They did not only die; their selfhood was obliterated.
Journalists who've covered long-term-care facilities during the pandemic have tended to interview their administrators, aides and family members, instead of listening to survivors who were quarantined, isolated, lonely, perhaps terrified. Those witnesses, too, were silenced. 
To Redress the Wrongs
The 100,000 who died have thus become a category of unmournable bodies. Grieving is human, but who is worthy of grief is something we learn. The process of mourning, or reform, or prevention, cannot even begin if the group in question is considered of less worth than other human beings.
#BlackLivesMatter is the response to one such deadly construction, based on a long history of racist othering; othering is the universal context of discriminations. The BLM demonstrations brought out white people and people of color who want to rid the country of the stereotype that young black lives lost were unworthy of grief.
Let us — our whole society — learn to defy ageism.
#OldLivesMatter is the slogan that can help our society once again think of all older adults as individuals with an equal right to life, wherever they reside, whatever their physical or cognitive or economic conditions.
And Congress and the president must reform long-term care so it provides the safe and comfortable homes we all deserve, if we are lucky enough to age toward old age.
Emily Dickinson told us how hard it is to mourn for strangers. She thought only "Immortal Friends" could provide that "vital kinsmanship:"
Bereavement in their death to feel
Whom we have never known
A Vital Kinsmanship import
Our Soul and theirs — between—
Let us — our whole society — learn to defy ageism. Let us begin to show solidarity with its victims. Thus we may prevent another eldercide. One way forward is to seek out the artists and architects who can turn our better knowledge, higher values and worthier feelings into a durable witness that rises up visibly and permanently from the earth.


OPINION: Why We Need a COVID-19 Memorial to Those Who Died in Long-Term Care Facilities

I had the opportunity to speak at The Ageist conference in Los Angeles recently, a first-of-its-kind symposium to examine the economic and social impact of the modern 50+ demographic. What a dynamic, energized, well-connected community of people who want to change the world and live with purpose.
First, some facts about this market that shocked me. Did you know...
Women over 55 are the fastest growing age/gender workforce category.  (Bureau of Labor Statistics)Participation by men over 55 in the workforce is expected to decline by 3% in the next 10 years. (Bureau of Labor Statistics)74% of those over 65 plan to work, versus 14% in 1995. (Gallup Poll 2017)There are now more people over 65 than under 5 worldwide, making the aging population the No. 1 biggest economic opportunity. (And women are the primary consumers in many categories.)People 50+ will continue to grow over the next decade to the tune of 19 million, vs. a growth of only 6 million for the 18-49 population.This means companies better take notice, because their workforce will be older and because this demographic represents a huge market opportunity.
My 7 Favorite Insights From The Ageist Conference
The following are my seven favorite insights from the speakers:
 Don’t just design FOR us. Design WITH us. Paul Irving, chairman of the Milken Center for the Future of Aging, emphasized the importance of human-centered design, and that designing the best products and services for this older generation absolutely MUST include the end-users in the process. People with a sense of purpose live 7.5 years longer. Purpose has more impact than any other intervention, like working out, vitamins, or healthy eating. In my coaching practice, I find that most people over 50 struggle to find purpose. I believe it’s why many women start their own entrepreneurial ventures, which provide meaning, flexibility, and social impact. If you’re 50, you may only be halfway through your adult life. Bestselling author Chip Conley had this realization as he joined the Airbnb executive team at 52. Since then, he has adopted new sports and adventures, in addition to founding the Modern Elder Academy in Baja where all ages can celebrate life with like-minded lifelong learners. I am looking forward to co-hosting a women’s week there in January 2020 for those seeking reinvention. We must move from reverence to relevance, and relevance is equal parts wisdom and curiosity. That’s Chip Conley’s guidance on how to work with those half your age. Relevance is earned by staying nimble and continually learning and growing. Be a peer of whomever you are with. This advice from television producer Norman Lear at 95, who took up a new hobby every two years, is profound. Most people feel decades younger than they look, so connecting with multiple generations may be easier than you think. Change INvisible to IMvisible. Those over 50 often feel invisible, whether it’s being ignored by the media, advertisers or the hiring manager. We all need to change that. A fellow panelist proudly displayed her beautiful long gray hair and said her mission is to change the narrative around appearance. Chip says that when we’re curious and passionate, the wrinkles fall away. We all have a responsibility to make ourselves relevant and visible, and each of us can do our part to shape the way this growing demographic is viewed. “Where are the men?”  David Stewart, co-organizer of The Ageist conference, asked this provocative question after looking at the audience, about 80% of whom were women.Why are so many women interested in finding purpose later in life? Speculation from The Financial Times suggests that women have more time after their children are grown, live longer and stay healthier than men, and their higher educational attainment (in absolute terms and relative to men) means that they are more likely to be in knowledge-based jobs that they can hold on to as they age.
Perhaps women also feel more purpose. Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, says, “What took me from the kitchen to Congress was knowing that one in five children in America lives in poverty. I just can’t stand that.”
(This article previously appeared on LinkedIn.)


7 Insights on Ageism That May Surprise You

Diane Johnson Flynn

Our ageist culture provides us with one guarantee when we grow older: We will all become susceptible to negative ageist stereotypes. What becomes equally troubling, however, is that we may become our own worst enemies.
Yale professor Becca Levy, the research pioneer on self-perceptions of aging (and a 2016 Next Avenue Influencer in Aging), has referred to the “aging-self-stereotype phenomenon.” Levy has researched the impact of negative self-stereotypes and the need for people to become more aware of their own perceptions of aging. Many boomers are aware of the self-perceptions but don’t always know how to stop them — and experts say they’re sabotaging themselves with negativity.
“Old age stereotypes are pervasive and threaten older adults’ self-esteem and functioning,” said David Weiss, assistant professor of sociomedical sciences and psychology at the Columbia Aging Center at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, in an email interview. “Research on the consequences of age stereotypes shows systematic influences on self-concept, performance, health and even longevity.”
4 Traps of Ageist Self-Stereotypes
1. Engaging in self-deprecation  Greg Imlay, 61, a bank vice president, admits, “One thing I say that I should not say is ‘Oh yeah, a senior moment’ or ‘Forgive me, I’m an old man, so I forget these things.’ I say things like that and I know that some people may find it, you know, humorous. On the other hand, it does depreciate my value as a professional.”
Emphasizing his good health and his passion for activism, Imlay begins his descent into a negative self-perception when describing his thoughts about a resistance march he wanted to join. “I felt compelled. And I’d like to make a sign and go. But then, ‘No, that’s an awful lot of work for an old man to have to do. It would be harder for me because I’ve got to worry about finding a bathroom every 20 minutes and all the stuff that old guys do. Gee, maybe I’ll just let the young people do that. I’ll cheer them from behind.’”
2. Feeling out of place  A successful entertainment attorney in his late 50s who spoke with me on the condition of anonymity, explains: “I work in the music business, which is not just sexist, but notoriously ageist. Youth is the currency, as a never-ending supply of young pop stars dominate the charts while I just get older.”
In a profession where business networking is a must, he explains, “I find myself opting out of going to parties or lunches or events because I fear I’ll just be perceived as an out of touch old guy. Part of it may be good old fashioned low self-esteem. But the age disparity between me and my actual or potential clients tends to be a self-destructive justification for not putting my best and most competitive foot forward.”
3. Assuming no one is listening  George Tannenbaum, who is turning 60 soon, is an executive creative director and copy chief at a major global advertising agency with decades of experience in his field. “Advertising is a youthful business,” says Tannenbaum. “Often, it seems that no one in the agency is within 20 years of my age. And many people are 30 or 35 years younger. In an agency, where industry-knowledge seldom extends more than two or three years, I definitely feel like the Ancient Mariner, doomed to tell tales that no one cares about.”
4. Avoiding and retreating  “I avoid taking photos of myself, especially selfies,” says Maureen St. George, 55, who recently made a life-changing, cross-country move to Los Angeles to be close to her family. “I don’t wear shorts outside, even on a hot day because I compare myself to those who are younger.” However, St. George acknowledges, “Most of the self-critiquing just goes on inside my head, which I feel is at least equally as damaging.”
Why You Should Stop the Self-Stereotyping
Negative words and labels that we assign to ourselves only damage our self-esteem. For instance, Imlay says, “The word that comes to mind is ‘marginalized,' like my input really isn’t important,” as he describes how he feels around Millennials in his office.
In her study, Levy found that individuals with positive perceptions about aging lived 7.5 years longer than those with less positive self-perceptions. In another study, Levy found that older individuals with positive age stereotypes were 44 percent more likely to fully recover from severe disability than those with negative age stereotypes.
How You Can Stop Negative Self-Stereotypes
“What people aren’t aware of is that they have the ability to overcome and resist negative stereotypes” and “compensate for the ill effects of automatic ageism,” says Levy in a Wall Street Journal article. Here's advice other experts give:
Distance yourself from your age identity and embrace your generational identity  “We found that highlighting older adults’ generational identity [like 'The Greatest Generation’ or 'baby boomer'] rather than their age identity [elderly] has the potential to empower older adults by increasing their subjective well-being and positive self-perception,” said Weiss in reference to his research on the topic.
Find your next role model  Susan Krauss Whitbourne, an adjunct professor of gerontology at the University of Massachusetts Boston, recommends finding positive ones who have embraced aging. “Look for role models who can bolster your positive images of aging — whether they offer wise advice or quotes or whether they have managed to adapt well to their own aging.”
Imagine being ageless  What if we (and everyone in the world) forgot age and ageist stereotypes? What might we accomplish and dare to do?
St. George imagines she would have planned differently for older age. “I would change my thoughts about the future,” she says. “I would think about making bigger plans like going back to school again, and perhaps changing careers. I might want to teach or work for a nonprofit.”
In the working world and beyond, we have a lot stacked against us. Ageism. Age stereotypes. Age discrimination. The last thing we need is to be our own enemy. It’s time for us to fight against our own defeat.


How Would We Live If We Forgot We Were Over 50?

Holly Lawrence

Tere Dillard, of Decatur, Ill., has gotten used to taking her 89-year-old father Jim Lee to what she considers pointless tests ordered by his primary care doctor. One was a CT scan for mild dizziness. As caregiver for her dad and his wife Lenora, who's 88, it's not the only time Dillard has experienced what she calls "over-the-top tests."
Tere Dillard and her parents, Lenore and Jim Lee"When I was in the initial appointment with him, I was surprised the doctor didn't look in his ears or listen to his heart," she says. "He basically asked him a couple of questions and then ordered a CT. And I feel like I have to take him when the doctor orders these tests even though I'm sure they're unnecessary because my dad's scared to death."
The same doctor ordered a CT scan for her mother when she complained of a sore throat — although he saw nothing wrong when he looked at her throat.
Ways Ageism Shows Up in Health Care
Dillard is tired of doctors overtreating her parents for what she believes are minor health issues. "I just feel sometimes doctors order tests because the patient is old, they're impressionable and the doctors know that Medicare will pay for it," she says. 
"We know we live in an age of unconscious bias, and people who work in health care aren't immune to that."
Dillard's experience is just one form of rampant ageism in health care, something the Changing the Narrative initiative is trying to remedy through its Age Friendly Health Care Campaign. (Changing the Narrative is a partnership of NextFifty Initiative — a funder of Next Avenue — and Rose Community Foundation.)
"We know we live in an age of unconscious bias, and people who work in health care aren't immune to that," says Janine Vanderburg, founder and director for Changing the Narrative, which is focused on ending all manner of ageism.
Her new campaign aims to bring ageism in health care to the attention of those who need it most: older patients who experience it and the health care providers who interact with them.
Vandenburg has felt this ageism in health care personally.
During a recent pre-op appointment for cataract surgery, Vanderburg, 68, ignored the receptionist's elderspeak, calling her "dear." But she says she couldn't ignore the wording on the doctor's office form asking why she wanted better eyesight.
Janine Vanderburg heads Changing the Narrative's ageism in health care initiative"The form options ranged from 'I want play to golf, to view scenery/take photographs, play cards, sew, do crossword puzzles, see car dashboard and watch movies,' but nowhere did it have an option for working," she recalls. "So, I crossed out 'view scenery/take photographs' and wrote in 'Working/Facilitating Training Sessions, Workshops."
When she pointed out the omission of working as an option, her doctor said, "Oh, we didn't think about that."
Age Discrimination in Health Care
A study in the Journal of Internal Medicine, Vanderburg notes, found that nearly a third of older adults said they frequently experience age discrimination from doctors or hospitals.
Over- and undertreating older patients, disrespecting or demeaning them, minimizing their symptoms, elderspeak and communicating with a family member instead of the patient are among the ways ageism is showing up in doctors' offices, urgent care centers and hospitals across the country. 
Changing the Narrative and other researchers say ageism has serious impacts on older adults' health and on America's health care system.
Better communication with older patients is one way health care providers can begin to reduce ageist tendencies.
A 2018 study by Yale University Professor Becca R. Levy (a Next Avenue Influencer in Aging) and colleagues found that ageism in health care costs the U.S. $63 billion annually.
The number might be even higher today.
"During the pandemic, there were certainly issues that exacerbated ageism in health care, particularly in the long-term care setting — with the high number of deaths in the first months of the pandemic that were due, in part, to the inadequate protective equipment and inadequate protections given to the workers and the residents," Levy says.
Better communication with older patients is one way health care providers can begin to reduce ageist tendencies.
Alexis Kurland, 66, of El Cerrito, Calif., says she's often called "dear" by the nurse in her doctor's office. "I haven't worked up the nerve to ask her to stop using that term with me, so that's my fault. Yet, every time she says it, I cringe," Kurland says.
Levy says older adults often don't recognize ageism as a real threat to the care they're receiving.  
Not Even Seeing the Ageism
"Part of the reason it's so insidious is that people don't even realize that they're experiencing it and they tend to blame it on themselves instead of discrimination or the larger systemic problem of not getting the best possible health care for older people," she notes.
Alexis Kurland thinks she has heard elderspeak from her doctorsPutting a positive spin on aging, however, can reap rewards. An earlier study by Levy and her peers found that people with a positive self-perception of aging lived, on average, 7.6 years longer than those with a negative view. 
Both Levy and Vanderburg are hopeful for changes in health care ageism at the institutional and government levels.
Doing so, according to a recent Changing the Narrative webinar with experts Kris Geerken and Gilliane Lee, means — among other things — training those working in health care on implicit bias, including older people in clinical trials and exposing health care students to older adults during their professional training,
Levy concedes that these types of changes will probably be slow, however.
"Thinking of it in a big structural way is key," she says. "It's great for patients to advocate for themselves, but the hope is that hospital and office settings will give older people agency and voice."
Vanderburg believes older adults need to address health care ageism when it happens.
"We need to advocate for ourselves, and that's what we're training people to do," she says. "Fill out that patient survey, let the provider know they didn't listen or that there's a problem."
Let doctors and other medical staffers know how you'd like to be treated, Vanderburg adds. "After all, we are the leaders we're looking for," she says.


How to Make Health Care Less Ageist

Sally Benford

A few years ago, Angela Lunde, a leader in patient and caregiver education for the Mayo Clinic Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center in Rochester, Minn., sat at a table between two people who live on opposite sides of a dilemma.
On one side of Lunde was a man with early- to mid-stage Alzheimer’s disease. “He said, ‘What I really want from my community is I want somebody to feel comfortable coming up to me when I’m out and about and asking me if I need help’ if he looked confused,” Lunde recalled.
On her other side sat a college-age woman who responded to him: “But I sometimes am not sure I’m supposed to do that, because I may be implying [that you can’t figure things out] and it may offend you.”
That disconnect is common between people living with a cognitive impairment and those who encounter them at work or in the community. It’s important to overcome this, Lunde said. For people with impairment, social isolation and its negative health effects is a risk.
“Their ability to have good interactions is really the difference between somebody living with dementia who still feels they can go out and be part of their community and somebody who has a bad experience in a restaurant and begins to exclude themselves,” she said.
Dementia or Mild Cognitive Impairment?
Dementia is part of a hurtful stereotype of older adults. So it’s no wonder people fear giving insult by offering unneeded, unwanted help to someone who’s just fine, thank you.
About 10 to 12 percent of people 65 and older have dementia, said Dr. Ronald Petersen, director of the Mayo Clinic Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center. Dementia is not synonymous with Alzheimer’s disease, as many people believe. Instead it’s a set of symptoms that center on impaired memory and thinking, for which Alzheimer’s is one possible cause. The rate of occurrence goes up with age.
“At 65, it’s maybe only 2 percent [of people] or less,” Petersen explained. “At 85, it’s maybe 35 to 40 percent.” Even at that, it’s risky to assume anything about a person’s cognition based on age, he acknowledged. A dozen 85-year-olds can be at a dozen different points on a spectrum of physical and cognitive abilities.
3 Distinct Groups
Petersen is part of a research group at the Mayo Clinic that added another layer of nuance to what’s known about dementia. Roughly 20 years ago, conducting a large population study of older adults, they realized they were seeing three groups of people. Some had no cognitive impairment. Some struggled with dementia.
“But there was a swath in the middle of people who were just a little bit different,” Petersen said. “They weren’t remembering as well as they used to, but otherwise they were just fine,” still able to carry out all their day-to-day functioning. The Mayo researchers helped define a new diagnosis, mild cognitive impairment (MCI), which often, but not always, progresses into dementia.
“The MCI person’s degree of cognitive impairment is inconvenient.… It makes them less efficient, but they can [function independently],” Petersen said. “Whereas the person with dementia can’t do it, they need somebody else to help them.”
At Work: Keep the Focus on Performance
Efficiency counts in most jobs and so does functioning independently. With many people working or planning to in their older years, cognitive impairment is increasingly a workplace issue. Petersen said that among people 70 and older, if you combine those with MCI and those with dementia, it amounts to “one in three or one in four” people.
“Discuss the performance, not the person” if there’s a need to talk about cognitive issues at work, advised Beth McFarland, program director for the Society for Human Resource Management Foundation, whose projects include educating employers about the value of older workers. The focus should be on tasks, results and what the employee needs in order to perform well, not on age or health. Ideally, it’s a discussion the employee initiates, she added.
Under the Americans with Disabilities Act, “employers are not supposed to bring up a disability,” McFarland explained. That’s true whether it’s an impairment of hearing, mobility, cognition or something else. But if an employee brings up the topic, “that opens up the door to discussing reasonable accommodations,” which the employer is obligated to make, she said.
Examples of accommodations are putting instructions in writing so the person can refer back to them, giving reminders of meetings and deadlines or adjusting work hours or responsibilities. The Society for Human Resource Management has published guidance on “Coping with Cognitive Declines at Work.”
The Job Accommodation Network, a cooperative project of the U.S. Department of Labor and West Virginia University, also offers a guide for employers and employees on ways to accommodate cognitive loss.
In the Community: ‘Just See a Person as a Person’
Even in families, it can be hard to know when to step in and help someone with dementia.
When people ask Petersen whether it’s better to intervene or let a family member with dementia maintain a sense of independence by getting past a hurdle alone, he suggests letting the person “try to the point of frustration,” then stepping in with warmth and maybe a bit of humor and commiseration — saying something like “I forget how to do that half the time myself.”
“That’s what the dementia-friendly community concept is,” Petersen said. “To get organizations… to just be aware that some people may need a little support in doing this, that or the other, without singling them out, without making them feel different from everybody else.”
Lunde said she’s learned to err on the side of risk and offer help whenever someone looks perplexed in the grocery aisle or at a crosswalk or near the restrooms at a restaurant. Most people are appreciative, in her experience. And she doesn’t need to know whether they have dementia: “I just know that signage in general can be confusing. It is for all of us.”
The body language and nonverbal cues of confusion are also basically the same for all of us, Lunde said. “So I think the approach to take is to observe and to offer help without even beginning to think… ‘I wonder if this person is confused because they’re older.’”
It’s when we see age that we censor our own good intentions, she suggested. “Just see a person as a person.”


Are You Being Helpful or Ageist to People with Dementia?

Denise Logeland

(This article appeared previously on HuffingtonPost50.com.)
Forget the stereotype of older people fumbling around with smartphones and not being able to find the power button on a computer. A new study says that the notion of older people not being very tech-savvy is mostly a myth.
The file-sharing app Dropbox and market research firm Ipsos Mori teamed up to ask 4,000 workers of all ages in the information sector about their experience with technology. Despite abundant stereotypes that older people aren’t comfortable with technology, the survey found that just a quarter of people over 55 felt stressed out working with technology in the workplace. While the percentage isn’t low, consider this: 36 percent of young adults, who seem to be favored by the tech industry, shared the same frustration. 
Similarly, the survey found that only 13 percent of older users reported issues working with multiple methods of technology, compared with 37 percent of younger people.
Digital Natives Less Flexible
The findings may come as a surprise not only to those who have negative stereotypes of older adults being technologically challenged, but to people within the industry itself. While ageism in hiring is a problem across sectors, it seems to be especially rampant in tech with companies blatantly seeking only “young” workers or “digital natives.”
So how to explain the survey? Dropbox Pro’s head of product, Rob Baesman, tells CIO.com it could be that younger users are just more demanding when it comes to expectations of technology. 
“When you look at the technologies broadly still in use in the workplace, they often don’t achieve that level of cleanliness and personability [of the technology] in our personal lives,” Baesman said. “So younger people will feel frustration at tools that are not up to snuff.”
Older Workers and The Power of Experience
He’s talking about your sleek, expensive personal smartphone compared to your clunky, more functional business phone. Or your slow, years-old office desktop compared with your newer personal laptop.
Older people, on the other hand, Baesman thinks, “have seen a lot worse ... so there may be more tolerance for tech that may not always be as good as it might be.”
Well, patience is a virtue. Whatever the explanation, ageism in the workplace is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed and this survey can’t hurt.


Older Workers Are More Tech Savvy Than We Think

Yagana Shah

In our highly visual world, if you want to write an online article about anything and post it on social media, it's usually a plus to accompany your words with a photo that will grab viewers' attention and inspire them to click and read on.
And if you're writing about aging issues, it's best to choose a photo that depicts someone who is an older adult. Unfortunately, a typical shortcut has been to use what has become an iconic image: the close-up of an older person's hands.
Here's a challenge for you: Search Google Images using the phrase "old hands." What do you see? Lots and lots of wrinkled fingers and palms. To be fair, that's expected. After all, as we get older, we lose collagen in our tissues and therefore some tautness to our skin. The issue isn't the quality of those hands but rather what they are doing.
To be clear, no matter what type of hands you search for in photos, be they of babies, children, teens or adults, the overwhelming number of examples are simply of hands. To the media's credit, many of those hands are shown holding other hands as a representation of relationship.
Unfortunately, a typical shortcut has been to use what has become an iconic image: the close-up on an older person's hands.
But it's the minority of photos in each category showing hands actually doing something that most reveals our cultural, stereotypical perceptions of identity.
In my own admittedly unscientific survey of "doing" (vs. "being") hands, here are the images I found:
Baby's hands: holding a teething ring, toy, bottle, an adult's finger or hand
Child's hands: holding a banana, worm, flower, or a paper-, clay- or stone-shaped heart; using crayons; putting together a puzzle; covered in finger paint
Teen's hands: holding a smartphone (overwhelming option), a honey jar and dipper, an e-cigarette; typing on a keyboard; modeling a beaded bracelet or multicolored nail polish; raising a hand in class
Man's hands: holding a fish, banana, smartphone, lit sparkler, paintbrush, football, cigarette; typing on a laptop; clinging to a cliff-side rock; playing a guitar; counting dollar bills; in handcuffs; sticking out between prison bars
Woman's hands: holding a pen, pearl necklace, cigarette, smartphone, cinnamon sticks, open book, lollypop; fingers making the shape of a heart; clasped in prayer; typing on a laptop; sewing; knitting; applying nail polish; weaving a basket; pouring pills from a bottle; tied together with a rope
Before I go any further, consider those last two categories. Notice a pattern? It's as if stock-photo house collections decidedly adhere to gender stereotypes, including ominous ones.
Back to my survey. As for the images of older adults, here's what I found:
Old man's hands: holding an empty bowl, cigarette, coins, plant seedling, handful of playing cards; resting on a cane; turning the page of a Bible; opening a lock with a key; resting on a hospital bedrail; holding open an empty wallet
Old woman's hands: holding eyeglasses, rosary beads, bottles of pills, a teacup; applying hand cream; resting on a lap, cane, bed blanket; knitting; kneading dough; opening a change purse
In the case of older adults, it's not so much what the hands are doing but rather what they are not doing: using a laptop or smartphone, playing an instrument and yes, even hammering a nail, holding onto a steering wheel, writing on a black/white board or operating a microscope.
Moreover, given that American society is becoming a majority-minority nation of people of color, those hands are overwhelmingly underrepresented in stock photos. To find enough of them, you have to use a more specific Google search such as "African American hands" or "person of color's hands."
Hands Should Be Doing, Not Just Being 
Older adults aren't isolated body parts, but human beings doing things in the course of living life. The problem with a wrinkly hands' shortcut is that it's commonly used in articles about aging. But general hand close-ups are hardly ever used in articles about people of other ages.
Other generations are always depicted in a context, be it a home, nursery, preschool, school, workplace, entertainment venue or vacation site. This discrepancy turns a wrinkly hands photo into an ageist icon that may discourage visitors from reading the article it illustrates.
Where are the photos of them waiting tables, teaching a class, fixing a car, drawing architectural plans, tending bar, working in a science lab...?
This issue is even more pronounced when actually considering older adults in context. 
While there are plenty of examples of simple portraits — the closest to anti-aging "glamour shots" that we come to — it appears that the only acceptable stock-photo activities for anyone 50 and older (who is not a white male) are talking with doctors and nurses, walking in a park or sitting around a table with friends or family.
The dearth of images depicting diverse elders doing diverse things reflects the racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, and classism that permeate our culture. Where are the photos of them waiting tables, teaching a class, fixing a car, drawing architectural plans, tending bar, working in a science lab, driving a delivery truck, training at a gym or doing a host of other activities not usually associated with the everyday lives of older adults?
Last January, Centre for Ageing Better in London launched an age-positive image library of free photos showing "positive and realistic" images of older people in a bid to challenge negative and stereotypical views of later life.
The images show a more realistic depiction of aging and old age -- to provide alternatives to the commonly used pictures of "wrinkly hands or walking sticks." No isolated hands in this library, thank goodness. [Next Avenue regularly uses images from sources such as Disabled and Here, celebrating disabled Black, indigenous, people of color (BIPOC) and Nappy, which features stock photos of Black and brown people of all ages.]
And although the archive is far from adequate, it's a start. Stock-photo houses need to follow the organization's lead. However, it's unlikely that they will act without sufficient motivation.
And this is where we come in.
Since the images we see help to build or confirm our perceptions, here's a challenge for us: Let's pressure the media we read, and the stock-photo houses they use, to embrace Centre for Ageing Better's efforts and improve their old-age-themed choices and portfolios by being not only more realistic, but also more diverse and intersectional, representing the many individuals who are living far past the "sell-by date" our culture assigns to older adults.
Not only is expanding their representations the right artistic — and moral — direction for the future, it will increase media readership and the demand for stock-photo images and will grow everyone's bottom lines.
I guarantee it, hands down.  


How Photos Showing Older Adult Hands Reveal Cultural Bias

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