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A Truly Useful Guide to Setting Intentions for the New Year

With a few tools under your belt, and a willingness to manage your expectations, you can buck ditching resolutions and succeed in your goals

By Dana Shavin

As a late teen and young adult, I loved making New Year's resolutions. I usually started thinking about what about areas of my life I wanted to improve in late November. I would make a formal list, so that come Jan. 1, I could begin living my new, healthier, happier life.

Champagne glasses on a table. Next Avenue, New Year's resolutions
According to a 2024 Pew Research Center study, roughly 33% of Americans made at least one resolution this past January. By the end of the month, 13% had not kept any of them.  |  Credit: Getty

There were two problems with my approach: First, I put no thought behind how I was going to actually implement my goals. Lose weight? Quit smoking? Exercise more? Fine, but what did that mean come Jan. 1? What, exactly, was I going to do on that day, and on Jan. 2, and every day after that, to help me reach my goal? By the same token, when I met my own resistance, which I inevitably would because it is human nature to resist change, how was I going to circumnavigate it?

What, exactly, was I going to do on that day, and on Jan. 2, and every day after that, to help me reach my goal?

The second problem was that the act of making the resolutions became a kind of permission slip for me to eat way worse, smoke way more and exercise way less than I had throughout the year, because of the "promise" of the New Year's clean slate. The result was that, over the last two months of the year, my habits became more ingrained, and also more precious, as I thought about the daunting prospect of soon giving them up. What I learned was that while I loved making New Year's resolutions, I had no idea how to follow through on them.

The Dreaded 'Quitter's Day'

I'm not alone. According to a 2024 Pew Research Center study, roughly 33% of Americans made at least one resolution this past January. By the end of the month, 13% had not kept any of them. And according to the The Forbes Health/One Poll survey, conducted in October 2023, "the average resolution lasts just 3.74 months. Only 8% of respondents tend to stick with their goals for one month, while 22% last two months, 22% last three months and 13% last four months."

Says Forbes health writer Sarah Davis, "failing at New Year's resolutions is so common that there's even a slew of (unofficial) dates commemorating such failures — some sources cite 'Ditch New Year's Resolutions Day' as Jan. 17 while others denote the second Friday in January as 'Quitter's Day.'"

Well, that's discouraging. But honestly, it doesn't have to be. With a few tools under your belt, and a willingness to manage your expectations, you can buck the trend and succeed in reaching your goals. I finally lost weight, quit smoking and started exercising regularly. But not all at once, and not by "resolving" to.

I did it by getting super clear on why I wanted to do each of these things; by deconstructing, step by step, day by day, what I needed to do along the way; by pinpointing what might get in my way (failures of will power, peer pressure, unforeseen stress, parties … ); and by identifying who and what I could depend on to support me, encourage me and hold me accountable.

You Already Know What to Do

There's an old Steve Martin joke that goes something like this: Want to know how to become a millionaire and not pay taxes? First, become a millionaire. Then, don't pay taxes. Funny, right? Because we can all see it bypasses anything resembling a plan of action regarding how to actually become a millionaire or how to avoid paying taxes. But this is how many of us typically barrel toward our New Year's resolutions: With excitement about reaching our goals, but minus an actual plan. We have our eye on the prize and not at all on how the journey will look.

It's not that we don't know what to do to reach our goal. It's that we don't pay enough attention to how we will get there.

In short, it's not that we don't know what to do to reach our goal. It's that we don't pay enough attention to how we will get there. How to stay focused and motivated, how to overcome obstacles and stumbles, and how to keep going when the going gets tough are all important factors to consider when making resolutions.

For insight into how to set ourselves up for success, I asked Daniel Olexa, a master certified coach, certified interpersonal hypnotherapist, and founder and leadership development coach at Transcendent Living, LLC, to explain what is required to successfully follow through on our resolutions. And then I asked my friend Signe Grushovenko how she lost 120 pounds and has kept it off for seven years. Taken together, Olexa and Grushovenko provide a kind of road map for how to get where you want to go.

First Things First: Connect With Your 'Whys'

As you might expect, we don't formulate goals and resolutions just because it's fun to think about what we can achieve. We do it because we want something: a healthier lifestyle, more financial stability or to better ourselves in some way.

"The goal has to mean something to us emotionally," says Olexa, "and we have to be connected to that emotion to a high degree, otherwise we'll give up at the first sign of challenge." In other words, if you think you should start exercising because other people are saying you should, or because you know it's good for you, you might be intellectually connected to the goal, but you aren't emotionally connected to it. And without an emotional connection, it's very easy to throw in the towel because it doesn't feel important to you on a deep level.

If you don't want to exercise more than you want the results of regular exercise, your "don't want to" will always win out.

"The strongest emotion will always win," explains Olexa. If you don't want to exercise more than you want the results of regular exercise, your "don't want to" will always win out. Ask yourself why you want what you want. What will it give you? How will you feel when you get there?

For me, quitting smoking was deeply personal. My father had died of cancer, my mother had battled it a year after his death, and despite everything I knew about the dangers, I'd been a two-pack a day smoker for 17 years. I'd picked up the habit in college as a way to try and lose weight. Finally, at age 32, I got clear enough on my "whys" to quit: I wanted to decrease my risk of cancer. I wanted to stop smelling like cigarettes. I hated the image of myself as a smoker. And I was deeply afraid of burning down my house as I was constantly leaving lit cigarettes on the edges of sinks.

Next, Be Specific About the 'Hows'

I knew I needed help to quit smoking, and so I made a three-fold plan. First, I told everyone I worked with that I would be quitting smoking two days after my next birthday, which was just a few weeks away. Next, I invested in a month's worth of nicotine patches, which at the time cost $50 and was not a small sum on my salary. (This financial piece turned out to be a huge motivator, which was odd, because my cigarettes cost more than that every month.) Lastly, because I knew I'd need something to do with my hands, I enrolled in pottery classes.

My plan was to slap on the nicotine patch the morning of November 20, and every morning thereafter for a month. If, by the end of the month I needed another month's worth, so be it. I threw away all of my remaining cigarettes, attended my pottery classes religiously and took a lot of hot baths at night. When I craved a cigarette, I asked friends for encouragement. It wasn't easy, but I kept my eye on the prize: not being a slave to cigarettes, reducing my risk of cancer and not fearing my house and dogs burning up from an errant cigarette every day. As the smoke-free days turned into smoke-free weeks, my excitement, pride and motivation grew.

"Celebrating helps us recognize we are making progress, so that we aren't simply focused on our longer climb to the summit."

"Breaking goals down into smaller components accomplishes many things," says Olexa. It makes the larger goal more manageable because you aren't trying to accomplish everything at once, which is overwhelming. Too, the smaller components act as "mile markers" to show us we are still on the path we set for ourselves.

If your goal is to read 50 books by the end of the year, that's roughly a book a week. This is great information to have. But you can take it even further: considering everything else going on in your life, how many days a week will you (realistically) read? How many pages per day? Will you read in the morning, afternoon, evening or a combination of all the above? Does listening to books count? When will you do that, and for how long each day? How will you track your progress? Will you keep a running tab of books read, a calendar to mark off days, or some other way to know where you are with your goal day by day, month by month? 

It's also important to set a time when you will pause and celebrate milestone moments; these can be at the end of each week or month that you have met your goal, or every two months … whatever you decide. "Celebrating helps us recognize we are making progress, so that we aren't simply focused on our longer climb to the summit," says Olexa.

What Haven't You Tried?

Signe Grushovenko, 50, is an artist living in Greenville, South Carolina. By the time she was in her early 40s, she was double the recommended weight for a woman her height. She had tried and failed to lose weight so many times, she felt demoralized.

"I distinctly remember deciding that I was done trying," she says, because giving up was easier than repeatedly trying and failing. "From that rock bottom, I was able to be open to new ideas and approaches."

Enter Overeaters Anonymous. Through the 12-step program, she says, she discovered the support, accountability and tools with which to really examine her life.  

"The 12 steps encompass group and individual support, reading and the discipline of leading an examined life. The core of it, however, is using all of those tools to embrace and rely on a higher power." Once she understood that she used food and eating to "salve my very itchy, anxious, sensitive self," she was able to implement healthier ways to deal with anxiety.

To break down her goal into manageable, visibly trackable units, she filled a jar with marbles, each representing one pound. With each pound lost, she moved a marble over into a second jar. For Grushovenko, the combination of getting clear on her goal, connecting with it on an emotional level though self-evaluation, and having the support of others who had been where she was on her weight journey, added up to successful attainment and maintenance of her goal.

There are all manner of virtual and in-person 12-step programs and support communities available to help us with all kinds of challenges. Whether you struggle with debt, gambling, sex, drug or food addictions and/or compulsions, or just want accountability for a goal you are trying to reach, don't overlook the value of these resources. Often we keep trying the same things over and over when what we need is to pause, think of what we haven't tried or considered, and allow that to breathe new life and motivation into our journey.

Tips and Tricks for the Road

Depending on whom you ask, new habits take anywhere between a few weeks to a few months to establish. Along the way, you can expect to meet all kinds of resistance and challenges to your motivation. Understanding that it's normal for motivation to fluctuate — you won't always feel as gung-ho about meeting your goals as you do on Jan. 1 — can help you recommit and carry on.

Have a plan for those times. And understand that setbacks need not be deal-killers. When you were learning to ride a bike and fell off, you probably didn't quit trying. You dusted yourself off and got back in the seat. Next time you're tempted to give up, take a cue from your young, determined self. Progress is never a straight line.

Depending on whom you ask, new habits take anywhere between a few weeks to a few months to establish.

Here is a roundup of tips from various online sources to keep you going:

  • Remember to keep high in your mind WHY you want to accomplish the thing you want to accomplish. It can help to write down your reasons, so you can revisit those in moments of weakness.
  • Break down your big goal into smaller, actionable goals. Is your goal to eat healthier? Have healthy, pre-washed veggies and fruits in your fridge; cook a week’s worth of healthy meals at a time; don’t keep foods that tempt you in plain sight.
  • Make your goal a part of your self-concept. When I quit smoking, I threw out my college-age smoking identity as hip and brooding and embraced the identity of a person who was outdoorsy and healthy.
  • When you don’t feel like doing anything toward your goal, ask yourself what the smallest step is that you could take. Then take it. As you see results, even small ones, your motivation to keep going will spike.
  • Have compassion for yourself as you journey toward your goal.
  • Celebrate your successes. I’ve been smoke-free for 34 years and I still announce it to friends and my husband every year on my quitting anniversary.

Prepare To Be Surprised by Unexpected Rewards

When Grushovenko lost the weight, she found her life opened up in ways she didn't know to expect.

"I look back in awe at how many facets of my life have now changed for the better. I have more stamina and the ability to do all sorts of things physically I couldn't do at 300 pounds. My self-esteem has grown, making me more of a 'joiner.' I participate in all sorts of fun now that my weight and self-consciousness would have made impossible before (traveling, socializing, weight training at the gym, yoga classes ... I even went paragliding!). My relationships have improved and multiplied. I don't use up my time fretting about food and weight so I have more bandwidth to spread around where I really want to invest my passion."

When I quit smoking, I suddenly saw myself as a brave person who could do hard things. Because of that new self-image, I started to challenge myself to do more and more things that took effort and bravery. I quit a job I didn't like. I bought a house. I started my own pottery business. I wrote a book. For many years, my mantra was, If I can quit smoking, I can do anything!

Change changes us. Enjoy the journey.

Contributor Dana Shavin
Dana Shavin’s essays and articles have appeared in Garden and Gun, Oxford American, The Sun, Fourth Genre, Today.com, Appalachian ReviewLongridge ReviewPsychology TodayParade,Bark, The Writer, AARP’s The Ethel, and Travel+Leisure.comShe is an award-winning humor columnist for the Chattanooga Times Free Press, and the author of a memoir, The Body Tourist (Little Feather Books, 2014)and Finding the World: Thoughts on Life, Love, Home and Dogs, a collection of her most popular columns spanning twenty years. You can find more at Danashavin.com, and follow her on Facebook at Dana Shavin Writes. 

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