'A Change of Habit': Sister Monica Clare's Journey
She's worked in advertising, been a stand-up comedian and was once married. Now, she's living happily as an Episcopal nun.
Claudette Powell thought she'd found her life's calling when she watched the Audrey Hepburn movie "The Nun's Story." For Powell, the convent promised a peaceful existence — of ritual, structure and order — where everyone belonged. A far cry from her own chaotic upbringing.
Problem was Powell was only 5 years old. And her extended family, who were Southern Baptists, actively dissuaded Powell from her nun-centric notions.
Instead Powell followed a more traditional life path with college, a career in advertising, stand-up comedy and eventually marriage. But she always felt that something was missing. After decades of discernment and spiritual growth, Powell determined that her 5-year-old self had been on to something all along.
Her memoir, "A Change of Habit: Leaving Behind My Husband, Career and Everything I Owned to Become a Nun," chronicles her circuitous and fascinating route from Georgia-born Baptist to taking her vows at age 46.
Next Avenue caught up with Powell — now Sister Monica Clare — to ask a few questions. Answers have been edited for clarity and length.
Next Avenue: In your book you write that, at age 5, you were captivated by the movie "The Nun's Story." You decided, 'Wow, that is what I want to do.' (To which your Baptist-raised mother said, 'over my dead body.') It wasn't until you were 17 that you first saw real-life nuns, members of the Daughters of Charity. And, again, you concluded, 'That's who I want to be.' What was it about these experiences that resonated with you?
Sister Monica Clare: I'm a very visual person, so the beauty of "The Nun's Story" is the first thing that drew me to it. The film is beautifully shot, and it conveys the calmness and order of the convent very powerfully.
What impressed me the most about the Daughters of Charity was their joy. I did not expect nuns to laugh and smile so much. They seemed so happy and they loved their jobs as teachers. I wanted to be as happy as they were.
They also had mid-calf-length habits with modern clip-on veils and I thought that was SO fashionable.
After a very difficult childhood — poverty, abusive father, instability and chaos — you managed to graduate from NYU's Tisch School of the Arts. You then moved to L.A. where you joined the Groundlings, an improvisation and sketch comedy group, working alongside comedians like Jennifer Coolidge and Cheri Oteri. Did theater and comedy in any way prepare you for life as a nun?
"I always say that religion has a 'branding problem.' "
My theater training was invaluable because it helped me with my shyness. I came out of my shell and gained confidence from being in plays and improv troupes.
In my religious life I constantly use the skills I was taught in theater like public speaking, singing and movement. I know how to project my voice, I am a trained singer, and I can move liturgically and reverently when participating in a worship service.
The obvious follow-up question is this: Do you think that God has a sense of humor? How important is humor in our spiritual lives?
I always say that religion has a 'branding problem.' The public tends to believe that religious people are stern, judgmental and humorless.
Humor helps us deepen our faith by making it more accessible and appealing. Laughter helps people remember that you can be human and religious at the same time. We are not cardboard cutout saints, looking down on everyone else.
You've 'worn a lot of hats' on your serpentine path to becoming a nun; actress, stand-up comedian, advertising professional, even wife. But you say, in hindsight, 'I have struggled and failed over and over and yet, I have always been exactly where I was supposed to be.' Is there a life lesson here for all of us?
I've realized recently that the word 'failure' needs to be reframed. I used to feel like I failed at acting, failed at marriage and failed at a host of other careers. But I realized that failure actually means, 'I tried that and it wasn't for me, so I am going to try something else.' Everything we try gives us lessons and tools that help us on our journey. Nothing is ever wasted. God has a plan.
It took you many years to finally allow yourself to listen to that 'still, small voice.' Do you believe that all of us have that 'still, small voice' in us? That we all have a spiritual side of ourselves that perhaps we're not attuned to?
Yes, I think most people are in tune with something greater than themselves, whether they notice it or not. Many 'non-believers' actually just don't believe in the God they were taught about in church when they were kids or they don't believe in organized religion.
"God is not the judgmental guy with the white beard who keeps a list of everything we do wrong. That's Santa."
Most of them don't realize that if you believe in love — whether it's romantic or familial or friendship love — that THAT is God. God is love, kindness and acceptance.
God is not the judgmental guy with the white beard who keeps a list of everything we do wrong. That's Santa.
Over the years you explored different faiths: Baptist, Mormon, Roman Catholic. Was the Episcopal church your Goldilocks option? And why?
I will never forget looking up the Episcopal Church website to check out the core beliefs. I was astonished that it all felt right to me. When I started attending a local Episcopal parish, I was overjoyed that my questions and doubts about faith were all welcomed and appreciated. I felt like I'd found my people.
The religious order you chose to join, the Community of St. John Baptist in Mendham, New Jersey is not a cloistered community. Rather, while there is clearly an emphasis on prayer, there is also a focus on service and ministry to those in need. (Indeed, there's a photo in the book of you participating in a Black Lives Matter protest in 2020.) Was it important to you that you not be a part of a cloistered convent?
Our community, like the majority of religious communities, is both active and contemplative. At first, I felt drawn to contemplative (cloistered) life because of my silent, solitary nature but I also felt the pull to do urban ministry and that urge won out. I was really kidding myself when I thought I could give up contact with my dozens of friends and live separately from the world.
One theme in the book is your recurring struggle with your insecurities. These began in your childhood and persisted into your secular adult life and even into your years as a postulant and novice. You worried that, at each juncture, you'd be drummed out of your circle of friends, your chosen career, the convent. Do you have any wisdom for others who struggle with self-doubt, anxiety and 'Imposter Syndrome?'
One of the best things I learned in therapy is that nobody really knows what they're doing. We're all a little lost, and we fake it till we mostly know what we're doing. Even the most professional, polished CEOs are faking it at least a little bit. That made me feel like less of an outcast.
I also learned that sometimes when you think everything about you is wrong or inferior, it means you're hanging out with the wrong people. Finding supportive, encouraging friends and a job that really fits your personality gives you confidence because you are celebrated instead of criticized.
"Nuns have been feminists since the third century. Becoming a nun has always been countercultural."
Another theme in your book is feminism. For example, you write, 'At last, I could take all of those standards of femininity and ignore them for the rest of my life.' Can you tell us how your decision to become a nun was influenced by your feminism?
Nuns have been feminists since the third century. Becoming a nun has always been countercultural. It is a rejection of the conventional roles that society places on women. It upsets the supposed 'natural order' of procreation and discards the standards of beauty and youth that society demands.
The truth is, there is no one cookie-cutter mandate for happiness. Everybody is different. Many women are not called to marriage and motherhood but they are forced into it by society, and they end up being extremely unhappy.
You don't talk about this in the book but you're something of a TikTok phenom (with over 200,000 followers, @nunsenseforthepeople). Do you view your TikTok presence as a ministry?
Yes, I do think of my social media activity as a ministry. It's the best way for me to spread the good news of the Gospel to a world that is afraid and in pain. Some church people reject social media because of its negative aspects, but I keep telling them that our voices must be part of the conversation on social media.
People need to know that progressive religion exists. We cannot remain invisible. People need us.
If you had to choose one thing you would like readers of your book to take away, what would that be?
No matter what you have done, no matter how awful you think you are, God still loves you and wants you to be happy. God is always waiting with open arms to welcome you home, no matter how many times you stray from the path. Our human minds cannot possibly comprehend the vast infinity of God's love.
