8 Ways to Get In Shape Without a Gym

To save money, I recently dropped my membership at a gym. Lest you think me bereft, fear not. Because I am clever — as well as short and own a dog — the eight tips I have outlined here to still stay in shape have worked. Alas, if you lack these three ingredients, good luck.

Bicep Curl. While my abandoned gym had machines with increased weights, barbells and other equipment to mold wrinkles to muscles, I had to find an alternative. Gratefully, each bag of dog food is four pounds. Three times a day, I trot (another easy gym-free exercise) to pick up the hefty bag and lift it up and down as I approach the awaiting bowl.

Elliptical. This is where my 4-feet-8-inches come in handy. I cannot reach the microwave without assistance. Surely the builder of my unit chuckled when he (certainly a he) placed the invaluable appliance out of my reach. A dear stepstool is nearby. But it must be placed perfectly, as if it were the landing spot in a gymnast competition.

With towel in hand (if you forget this addition, do not attempt a grab), step up and then down, bend to the floor and retrieve towel if you drop it. Repeat initial move.

Balance. I start my day at the kitchen counter. My dog, Doris, awaits on our bed for my company. Eyeing my destination, I lift the computer, a cup of hot morning coffee, a paper plate of my remaining breakfast items, and holding all in my two hands step carefully to the bed. Why not do one at a time, thereby eliminating danger and accruing more steps? Where's the challenge in that?

Swoop Downs. Once I am settled in our bed that doubles as my office, I place my hot coffee to the top of the two drawer IKEA chest to my right. If my attention is drawn elsewhere, I may, unconsciously put the cup close to the furniture's edge. An egregious elbow nudge, when my eyes are focused on my computer screen, will send cup soaring. Fortunately, the floor below is wood rather than carpet. Retrieval requires a set of choreographed moves: leap from the bed, bend down to retrieve emptied cup, race to the kitchen to grab a towel, swoop down again to clean up spill. These movements must be done quickly before delighted dog decides to join me on the floor.

Stair stepper. If the Chicago temperature prohibits a walk outdoors, I place puppy pads in the bathroom and my smart doggy does her business there. (Worry not, the used pads are quickly sealed in a diaper pail and dispensed of in our building's garbage chute.)

But exercise is still required for both pet and owner. Doris' usual collar, chain and leash are replaced by a simpler version of restriction. We exit to the hallway, open the door to the stairwell, I drop the light leash, and we both commence climbing up five floors. But because Doris' reward for this exercise is the ability to sniff carpeting to sus out other pets, we pause climbing to walk the hallway to the next exit. We do five floors in this manner. Doris' tail is up and waving throughout. Her owner is huffing and puffing.

Stretching. As is prudent for all exercisers, we incorporate stretching into our routine. Once we return home and I am catching my breath, I sink to the floor and reach to grab Doris' leash. Intent on continuing my stretching, I do not race after her. Instead, I crawl (can this count as an exercise?) to her and stretch to release her.

Aerobics. When weather permits, I take Doris for four walks per day. Some of these walks combine other exercises, such as stair climbing, swoop downs and balance. Because of my age, and my deep desire to remain upright, my focus is on the ground beneath us and Doris' advancing body.

Squats. Regularly using the bathroom is common for our cohort. I am 86. When I rise after performing my necessary bodily function, I do not hold onto the toilet paper holder, the nearby chair or the wall. Instead, my arms are akimbo, and I rise unaided. I believe this boosts balance.

Unfortunately, I have tripped on sidewalk cracks, pulled down by a dog frightened by a jogger and misjudged a puddle I thought I could ford. Fortunately, as I noted earlier, I am not tall. Thus, I don't have far to fall. No images of cries of "Timber" from passersby, just a sincere crowd offering arms and anxieties.

I hope these tips, which cost nothing, apart from a dog and diminished stature, prove useful to you. If not, join a gym.