Friends in Young Places

I have a friend who is 72 and frequently "hangs out" with neighbors, friends, children of friends and others who are in their 50s, 40s and even 30s. That's not the norm.

Research from LinkedIn indicates that 20% of Gen Z workers haven't spoken to colleagues over 50 in a year. Further, 40% of those over 55 haven't connected with their Gen Z colleagues in the past year.

There are benefits in forming relationships across generational divides and my friend isn't alone in discovering those benefits.

While Helen Keller and Mark Twain were 40 years apart in age, they had a strong friendship that lasted for more than a decade. Similarly a 37-year difference existed between Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson who were also close friends. In more recent times, Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg provide an example of an unlikely friendship that has lasted more than 15 years between the celebrities who are separated by 30 years.

Kirby Wilkerson is a strategist and CEO of The Impact Kind, a PR agency. Now 40, she was 24 when she met her friend Skip Marsh at EASTEC, a manufacturing event. He was 60 at the time, now 77. They've remained connected since their first meeting.

"We bonded over salad and exchanged jokes," she recalls. At the time he was president of an engineering firm, a leadership speaker and on the member council of the Society of Manufacturing Engineers. Wilkerson says she's not his only young friend.

"He has other friends younger than him and he connects well with multigenerational people," Wilkerson said. "That's probably what keeps him young and his great sense of humor."

Since their initial meeting, Wilkerson says, occasional emails turned into connecting on Facebook when she moved to Shanghai for a few years. "The check-ins were sporadic, sometimes every six months, sometimes quarterly. Now that I've moved back to the States, we speak about once a month whether through text, Facebook comments or a quick phone call."

Marsh, she says, "is busy with his grandkids, flying and mentoring students, while I'm raising my family and learning how to build my team at work."

"Intergenerational friendships offer unique benefits that go far beyond companionship," says Kimberly Horn, associate vice president for clinical research collaboratives at Virginia Tech and the author of "Friends Matter, For Life."

These friendships, she says, "break down stereotypes, lead to mutual learning and inspire personal growth. Older friends bring wisdom and life experience, while younger friends offer energy, fresh perspectives and a window into exciting new trends and culture."

Horn points to research that supports psychological and physical benefits of intergenerational relationships, noting that these connections can have a broad range of positive impacts, including:

• Providing a cognitive boost. “Younger friends expose us to new ideas and skills, keeping our minds sharp,” she says.
• Encouraging physical activity. Connections with younger people, she says, “often inspire us to stay active, encouraging better mobility and health.”
• Emotional resilience. The optimism and fresh perspectives of younger generations, she says, can reduce stress and boost mood.
• Expanding social circles. “Younger friends introduce us to new networks, reducing isolation and strengthening community ties," she adds.
• Providing a sense of purpose. “Guiding or mentoring younger friends adds purpose and fulfillment to life.”

In addition, Horn notes, "intergenerational friendships reduce ageism, promoting mutual respect and deeper understanding."

One reason that people can be challenged in connecting with members of other generations is that their interests may be different. But, says Shari Leid, a mindset coach, friendship expert and author, even the places where you currently spend time might yield connections. For instance — work, church, community events or social clubs.

"Chances are there are people outside your usual circle, younger and older, who would bring a fresh perspective to your life," Leid says. "Step out of your comfort zone and extend an invitation." That could be something as simple as "want to grab a coffee?" she says.

Horn says that volunteering is also a great way to connect with people from different generations. Volunteering, she says, "brings people together for a shared purpose, whether it's mentoring, helping at a food bank or participating in a community clean up." In addition, she suggests, "Take a class, join a club, or explore activities where different generations overlap."

It's also important to be open-minded, says Michelle Beaupre, a licensed clinical social worker who serves as the clinical director of Villa Oasis San Diego. "This means erasing any biases and initial judgments you had about someone based on their age," she says. "You may not agree or be on the same page about things at the start, but that's OK and normal — don't give up on building a relationship because of this."

It's that ability to connect with people who are different from you and the curiosity to reach out to get to know them that can help form strong and lasting bonds.

As Leid was doing research for her 50 States Project — an initiative to travel the country, sit down with one woman from each state and have a long conversation about what they have in common — she connected with a woman named Betty who was "93 years old, sharp as a tack and steady on her feet."

Betty, Leid says, understands the power of friendship and is proactive in reaching out to others — including strangers. She actively engages with younger generations, which keeps her young "not just because of fresh ideas but because she stays connected to people with different perspectives and energy," Leid says.

Leid shares a story illustrating Betty's knack for connecting with others. "She lives on top of this hill where people regularly hike past her home. One Saturday morning, she noticed a group of middle-aged men walking by. Instead of just waving, she called out and invited them in for coffee."

"That one act turned into a tradition," Leid says. "Now, every Saturday, those same men stop by her house for coffee and conversation." Betty, she says, "understands the power of friendship and how it can bridge generational gaps."

It's important, says Horn, to stay curious. "Listen to the stories of others, share your own and let the connections grow naturally." Don't let societal expectations limit you.

"Life is too short to worry about age gaps or what others might think," Horn adds. "Seek out friendships that bring you joy, challenge you to grow and add richness to your life. These connections are essential not just for our happiness but also for our health and well-being as we age."

Lin Grensing-Pophal 

Lin Grensing-Pophal is a freelance business writer with a background in HR/employee relations and marketing/digital marketing. She is accredited through SHRM, the Society of Human Resource Management, as a Senior Professional in Human Resources and Senior Certified Professional. She also is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors and the Association of Ghostwriters.  Read More