How the Aging Together Project Tackles Ageism

One thing gnawed at Andrew Steward as he studied aging, first while working at a continuing-care retirement community and more recently as a University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee gerontological social work professor. "I found there is very little research that looks at how older adults feel about their own aging," he said.

So, in 2023, Steward decided to start doing it himself and created an anti-ageism peer support group pilot program in Milwaukee called Aging Together. (I first learned about it at the recent Gerontological Society of America annual conference.)

In Aging Together, Steward brings together seven to nine people aged over 50 for 10 weekly, 60- to 90-minute, in-person, candid, nonjudgmental sessions about aging and ageism, which are often considered taboo. Socializing there happens instinctively.

There have been nine Aging Together groups so far, meeting at senior centers, libraries, retirement communities and lifelong-learning schools. The median age of participants has been 76, and peers have facilitated the sessions.

"I think a lot of people are drawn to the Aging Together idea of coming together with a group of supportive people to talk about aging because aging is a topic a lot of people don't talk about," Steward said. "There's a lot of anxiety about it."

At Aging Together, after facilitators teach participants about ageism, Steward said, they empathically explain that they're in "a safe space to talk about wherever you're at with aging."

Almost immediately, frank conversations ensue.

"I'd say the most powerful thing that came out of our group was empowering each other around issues of loss," said Aging Together participant Mary Ann Getse, a 72-year-old retired school social worker in Waukesha, Wisconsin.

"We all had experienced loss in different ways," Getse said. "We had a couple of people who lost spouses. I have mobility issues, so I've lost my ability to travel and do some things that I could do as a younger person."

At the Aging Together icebreaker orientation, each participant is invited to write and share 20 brief answers to the question, "Who Am I?"

Later, they move to the program's storytelling component to tell their personal stories of aging. "We invite people to share an experience that has affected how they perceive their own aging," said Steward.

Getse called the storytelling piece of Aging Together "powerful."

In fact, it led her group to continue meeting for coffee on its own once a month after the program ended. "We became so tied to each other emotionally in those 10 weeks of just letting down our guard and talking about the reality of aging," Getse said.

Often, the storytelling has included memories of moments the Aging Together participants have felt victimized by ageism — from doctors, employers, even their own children.

"As I've been facilitating the groups, it seemed like when people first came in, you could tell they didn't feel good about the aging process," said Deborah Bent, a 75-year-old former school administrator and teacher.

"We talked about the internalized stereotypes we receive, that as you get older, you're 'going to be slow' and 'your health is going to diminish' and 'you should just accept that,' " Bent added.

Ageist treatment by doctors and the health care system has come up a lot at Aging Together.

No surprise, since 20% of Americans over 50 say they've experienced health care discrimination, according to the U.S. Health and Retirement Study. The House of Delegates of the American Medical Association recently directed the AMA to review and amend its age discrimination policies.

Aging Together participants have recounted being victims of "elderspeak" (when physicians and nurses talked to them like children), overtreatment because of their age and undertreatment when practitioners ascribed their medical concerns to normal aging.

Getse told her Aging Together group about being overtreated after undergoing an MRI for her back.

"They found two little cysts on my kidney. That led to two more MRIs and that led to something with my adrenal gland," Getse said. "I almost feel like my doctors have been like: 'Let's check off every box we could.' And I haven't pushed back as much as I should to say, 'Do I really need to have that?' "

Steward authored a paper noting that in the United States, age discrimination is associated with over 17 million cases of the eight most-expensive health conditions.

"Ageism is connected to poor health care," said Steward. "It can lead to medical complications, delayed care and increased hospitalizations or emergency care rather than approaching health from a prevention standpoint."

Ageism by employers has also been a common topic at Aging Together, which is understandable considering that the Transamerica Institute for Retirement Studies has found many employers saying that age 58 is too old to hire a job prospect.

"I had one gentleman at Aging Together who felt discriminated against because of his age," said Bent. "He was actually training his understudy who was going to take his place. He said it was obvious that the employer was hoping he would just leave and he was, of course, very angry about it."

The Aging Together participants have confided that they also have seen ageism toward them by family members. Many glumly said their adult children "act like [their parents are] so delicate, that they can't think for themselves."

Already, the program has led some participants and facilitators to think differently about aging and how to respond to ageism when they're a target.

"I think more about aging now and I'm more aware of the idea of ageism," said Getse. "I'm more attuned if someone makes an ageist comment."

She's struggling with trying to be more vocal, politely, when someone treats her in an ageist way.

"I use a cane and walker quite often and lovely young people are offering me chairs," she said. "But it's almost to the point where I sometimes want to say, 'I'm really OK, thank you for offering, but I'm not one foot in the grave yet.'"

Said facilitator Bent: "You better believe Aging Together helped me with aging. I have a whole different mindset about it."

Steward is now researching the benefits of Aging Together to all who've been part of it.

"We found there was a significant decrease in depressive symptoms and a significant decrease in relational ageism — having concerns about being judged by others based on your age," he said.

Steward is also part of a new Gerontological Society of America advisory board about ageism in health care, along with AARP and notable researchers. One of its goals: to revamp medical school training so that health care professionals become more knowledgeable and mindful about ageism.

Steward hopes to offer Aging Together in other locations and add sessions for older Spanish-speaking people as well as LGBTQ elders.

"If there are folks in other parts of the country interested in implementing the program or starting a group, they can contact me and I'm happy to provide the training," he said.

Getse has already heard from some locally.

"I've had a couple of friends who have not been part of the Aging Together study who said, 'Where can I sign up for that?' " she said. "I think there's an unrecognized need out there. It would be very powerful to have more Aging Togethers throughout the country."

Richard Eisenberg is the former Senior Web Editor of the Money & Security and Work & Purpose channels of Next Avenue and former Managing Editor for the site. He is the author of "How to Avoid a Mid-Life Financial Crisis" and has been a personal finance editor at Money, Yahoo, Good Housekeeping, and CBS MoneyWatch. Read More