How to Ask for Assistance During a Temporary Disability

It was a well-planned bucket list autumn trip to New England. My partner, Michael, and good life-long friend, LaNette, planned to fly out of Kansas City and do a whirlwind trip to Sleepy Hollow, New York, Boston and Salem, Massachusetts and a day trip to the rocky shoreline in Maine for some lobster rolls.

My problems began at the Kansas City airport when I realized the hip that had been giving me problems for almost a year wouldn't allow me to haul my luggage on the one-mile trek from the entrance of the new airport to our gate. I finally relented midway and we asked for a wheelchair. Once to the gate, however, the airline told me I had to have requested pre-boarding when we checked in online.

After we arrived, pre-planned walking tours on the trip quickly became a problem when we toured the cemetery in Sleepy Hollow the next night. At one point, I collapsed and told Michael, "I can't make it." Frustrated, he yelled, "I'm not leaving you in the middle of a dark cemetery at night!" (there may have been an expletive in there). As we watched the group's lanterns fade into darkness, I finally got up and kept going, but it wasn't easy. As a matter of fact, that whole tour was torture for me.  

I was only 60 and up until my injury, had been walking at least two miles per day. I didn't realize how much my injury and some weight gain would affect my ability to stand or walk for long distances. Once I did realize it, I felt self-conscious about asking for help or being viewed as "disabled."

"There's incredible variables in why people don't ask for help," says Gerda Maissel M.D. and a board-certified patient advocate in New York. "For some people, the appearance really bothers them. I have a patient who refuses to use a wheelchair; he will use a walker, which is harder, but the wheelchair really bothers him. Most people want to be independent."

Candy Harrington, a journalist who writes about accessibility and founding editor of New Horizons in Newport, Washington, says in her experience, it's easier for people with permanent disabilities to ask for help. "Probably because this is 'normal' in their life. Those who have temporary disabilities may have a reluctance to plan or ask for accommodations because they have been told their condition is temporary, and they figure it will go away and things will change," she says.

Harrington experienced this firsthand when her husband suffered kidney disease and was put on a transplant list. "We love to camp in a tent, and we had already figured out how to do his peritoneal dialysis for our next year camping trips. He had what could be considered a temporary disability and we planned for it as we realized it could be long term and maybe even permanent," she explains.

Thankfully, Harrington's husband received a kidney transplant after a short wait. "We don't need those plans we made, but they were in place so we could continue going out and enjoying living life," says Harrington.

She adds, "Thinking positive is great, but I also think you must be practical and plan for the situation you have right now. In some cases, not asking for and accepting help for a temporary disability could make it worse or even make it permanent."

Assess the condition or injury. Maissel says there are many reasons for a temporary disability. "It could be due to an injury or treatment for a condition or surgery," says Maissel. "People need to be willing to speak with their health care providers so they can help assess the situation."

Know the assistance that's available for you. For dealing with temporary disabilities at home, Maissel says there are a variety of skill levels for home assistance. Companion care provides someone to come and do meal preparation, help organize medications, sometimes help clean, run errands and generally ensure the person is safe. Home health aides provide personal hands-on care such as assisting with showers, taking blood pressure, etc. Nursing care is highly skilled CNA or RN assistance that may help with things such as IV changes, etc.

Maissel adds all these levels of care have different levels of cost as well. Some are covered by private health insurance and if the person is low income, some may be paid for by Medicaid or county senior programs. "In some instances you may be able to hire someone you know, and they will be paid by Medicaid," says Maissel.

She cautions that rehab type of care is typically not covered by Medicare. She gives an example of a patient who had hip replacement and needed temporary 24/7 care. "She wanted to go home instead of to a rehab center and was shocked to learn her insurance wouldn't cover in-home care," says Maissel.

Lean into help from your partner/family and friends. Harrington says it's important to accept help when it is offered and approach it as a team, especially with a partner. "It's always 'us' and 'we' when we talk about care plans and treatment," says Harrington of she and her husband.

Lean into partners/family and friends, but not too hard. Some people are very fortunate to be able to ask for help from friends and family. "When something changes in either your life or your loved one's and they can no longer help, it's imperative to hear them when they say, 'It's important you take this help for me, it's too hard for me to do this alone."

Plan for travel. Remember, if you need special assistance at the airport, you must ask for this during the online check-in process. Check ahead to see if your accommodations, as well as any tours you have booked, can accommodate you. There's nothing like getting to your Airbnb and learning your accommodations are up a steep flight of stairs.

After the disastrous cemetery tour in Sleepy Hollow, I relented and made calls to rent a wheelchair for the remainder of the trip. I have an amazingly supportive partner in Michael and friend in LaNette. I rode through the remainder of the walking tours we had booked (and Michael even made the experience fun, popping a couple of wheelies with me!) No one pointed and stared, and some guys even helped Michael get me over curbs and rough patches in the chair.

I am currently meeting with my doctor to mitigate the pain I have and hope to be walking two miles again in the future, but if I can't, I won't hesitate planning and asking for help.

Kerri Fivecoat-Campbell is a full-time freelance writer and author living in Louisburg, Kansas, just south of Kansas City. She is the author of the best-selling book, “Living Large in Our Little House: Thriving in 480-Square Feet with Six Dogs, a Husband and One Remote.” She administers a Facebook page, Living Large in a Little Town and one for helping widows and widowers move forward, Finding Myself After Losing My Spouse. Read More