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I Thought We Had Failed

A candid father-son conversation reveals unexpected truths

By Ron Block

"Are you paying attention to the shooting in Milwaukee?" came the text from my 35-year-old son, Eric. I swiftly replied with a sad emoji and a broken heart.  I followed that up with "I thought we had done better."

It is true, I thought. My circle of friends, all brought up in the tumultuous '60s and '70s, collectively strived to hand a better world to our own children than the one we had lived in.

illustration of phone, I thought we had failed, next avenue
Credit: John Gilman

Our lives now have been so changed over these last four years. It is heartbreaking to watch the rise of racial tension, intolerance and the growing division across this land we had so much hope for.

My eldest, Eric, has been a difficult relationship to nurture and grow. His teenage years were difficult for him due to a bitter, angry divorce between his parents. His early rebellion and quick anger have made communication difficult.

We were sure that our children would inherit a more loving, intelligent and tolerant way of life.

He now has children of his own, and it's amazing to watch his approach to parenting. He wants them to know about the world, the good and the bad. The dark and the light. His exposure to them of certain topics makes me cringe a bit, but I do not say a word.

Sometimes I will ask questions about what he hopes they will learn, but I do not challenge him.

I think sometimes he fancies himself a hard-core urban rap artist, which the whiteness of his skin along with his chestnut red hair should be its own proof that is not the case.

Still, I overlook the approach I am not fond of and know that at heart he has a good mind, a terrific sense of right and wrong and a strong desire to protect his girls.

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I follow up our text exchange with a phone call. When he answers, I apologize. When he says, "What for?" the only answer I have is "So many things."

I tell him that my generation failed his. We had such hope to be able to fix issues that were important to us; poverty, race, women's rights, hunger and climate change, for starters. We were sure that our children would inherit a more loving, intelligent and tolerant way of life. We patted ourselves on the back far too soon.

At the other end of the line, I was met with silence.

Finally, I said, "I am so sorry you don't have the world you should have. We failed you."

Without skipping a beat, he replied, "Dad, remember when you brought me into the voting booth to pull the lever for Bill Clinton? Or the time you brought me to help balloting for a local election? And what about all the movies, books, theater and television you shared that showed tolerance, exposed injustice and worked to bring people together?"

My eyes started to fill with tears. "You did not fail us, Dad," he continued. "You taught us. We listened and absorbed. We heard and now we know — it's our turn."

Telling Our Stories contributor Ron Block
Ron Block 
Ron Block is a librarian in Cleveland. He is passionate about food and how it affects the lives of so many. Ron was a past judge for the James Beard Cookbook Awards, and the recipient of a 2020 Mover & Shaker Award from Library Journal. He’s the proud father of 2, and grandfather of 4. Writing this essay, based on an actual exchange, was "cathartic," he says. "The piece brought me a great deal of hope and awareness that we have extensive influence, even in troubling times."
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