In a Slump? Recharge Your Life
A new book focuses on how resetting our habits can bring more happiness
If you're in your 40s or 50s and life feels like the same old, same old — home, job and even your relationships — you're not alone.
The mid-life slump is real, due in part to the "habituation" of all-too-familiar routines, according to Tali Sharot, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London and MIT and founder and director of the Affective Brain Lab.
"Sameness means less learning, and we know from research that learning really brings people joy."
"The U-shaped curve of happiness, shown in many, many countries, reaches rock bottom in midlife and then starts going up again," Sharot says. "But the average person isn't aware that happiness goes back up, which is something to look forward to, and on average it stays up until the last couple of years in life."
In their book Look Again: The Power of Noticing What Was Always There, Sharot and co-author Cass Sunstein make the case for using "dishabituation" — the disruption of good and bad habits — as a way to recharge your life at any age. The book cites research on how resetting our brains through new experiences can make people feel more productive and ultimately happier.
"Sameness means less learning, and we know from research that learning really brings people joy," Sharot says.
7 Ways to Break Out of a Slump
Here are 7 takeaways from the book, based on a recent conversation with Sharot:
1. If you feel stuck, start with small changes
Before making wholesale changes to your life, try "diversifying" your routines. You might consider things like taking a course in a new subject area, learning a new sport or even just commuting to work via a different route.
"Trying really small things can put you in a state of learning or change," Sharot says. "If you try to do these things from the small changes to the bigger ones, it's a way to overcome the sameness."
"In midlife, we have to initiate change, because life puts us in a situation where there's not enough of it."
2. Build more 'firsts' into your life
In the book, Sharot cites research showing people on a vacation are the happiest 43 hours into the experience, as they chart a series of firsts in a new spot — meals, views, museums, etc. While the rest of the vacation may be enjoyable, it may not provide quite as much stimulation for your brain once you habituate to the new experience.
In your everyday life, the "firsts" will likely start to decrease by the time you hit middle age, unless you consciously try to add in new experiences and interact with different types of people.
"The relationship could be great. The job could be great. You could be at the peak of your career," Sharot says. "But you've been there for a while, and so it is more about maintenance rather than progress and change. In midlife, we have to initiate change, because life puts us in a situation where there's not enough of it."
3. Try not to dwell on the past
For many older people, especially those who live alone, ruminating about the past or mistakes they have made seems almost unavoidable. According to Sharot, rumination is associated with depression, and having a predisposition for depression can make rumination worse.
"Many therapies focus on the things in the past that you can't change anymore and how past events are going to affect the future — asking you, what have I learned from this and then creating a new scenario," Sharot says. "If it's something you can't control, maybe accepting it."
4. Use habituation to help overcome life's biggest challenges
As life's challenges start to pile on, whether they're health issues, the deaths of loved ones and/or career setbacks, being able to habituate to negative experiences can help you move forward.
"It's important that what you want or plan to do is something that involves learning or progression."
"All the data shows that humans overcome and adapt to every terrible thing you can imagine," Sharot says. "When you ask people how to predict how they will adapt, they usually believe they will be in a much worse situation. But when these things happen, people adapt over time and go back to the baseline."
5. Disrupt your relationship routine
Even for happy couples, too much togetherness may not be a good thing. If you're both retired or working from home, going away for a weekend separately or even spending a morning or evening apart could help you appreciate your partner anew. And it's also key to seek out new experiences together.
"What you want to do is structure your life so that there are breaks when you're not together, but also perhaps within the routine and familiar, insert some novel things," Sharot says. "So, you might go places that you've never been or do something together that you've never done before."
6. Plan for new habits in retirement
The dream of retirement and finally being able to free yourself from the daily grind can prove liberating but also intimidating. You may not realize how much of your identity stems from your career or may feel anxious about losing your work-related routine.
Sharot recommends asking yourself: What are some things you can do in retirement that might replace the positives of your work, and what are some new things that you might want to try?
"It could be that some of the new things are things you could start now in preparation," Sharot says. "If you want to write mystery novels, maybe you could start with little preps. Or if you want to live in Spain, even years before, go to where you're thinking of moving. It starts to make things real for when retirement comes."
7. Continue the habit of lifelong learning
As much as you might love the idea of a retirement spent sleeping in, going to the beach or binge-watching reality TV shows, you will want to consider things that will add meaning and growth for this life chapter.
"It's important that what you want or plan to do is something that involves learning or progression," Sharot says. "We all like going to the beach and seeing our friends. For most people, it would have to be something where there's a goal."