Nana on Wheels: A Guide to Bonding with Grandkids, One Drive at a Time

Almost as soon as Rylee was born, I made a beeline to Target for a Graco SnugRide. That baby carrier became our trusty sidekick, opening up a world of adventures together.

From Barnes & Noble story time to gazing in awe at the "Boogie Lugas" (beluga whales) at the Shedd Aquarium, we were always on the go. We splashed in the fountain at the botanic garden. As the wind chill dipped into the single digits in Chicago, ice skating and impromptu snow angels became our winter traditions.

When siblings Tommy and Keira officially joined the grandkid squad, I couldn't hold out any longer on my "no minivan" policy. With a stash of cheddar Goldfish crackers, fruit roll-ups and juice boxes, we buckled up in the Dodge Caravan ready to hit the road for our Nana Adventures. The park had slides and swings, and squeals for "One more underdog, Nana." There were always cookies to be frosted and sprinkled.

Now? Rylee is 14, Tommy is 11 and Keira is 8. "Bookstore? No thx," Rylee texts me.

As my grandkids are growing older, their schedules are filled with gymnastics, baseball and football practices, homework and outings with friends. Our time together has shifted to the sidelines —cheering for Tommy at football games and hoping the girls spot me in the bleachers after dismounting from the balance beam.

Maintaining our bond now requires more effort and creativity. It feels increasingly urgent, especially in light of the growing epidemic of loneliness and isolation.

According to social psychologist Geoffrey Cohen, one in five Americans suffers from chronic loneliness, with teens and older adults being the hardest hit, he writes in his book, "Belonging: The Science of Creating Connections and Bridging Divides."

A 2023 national poll on healthy aging from the University of Michigan found that about 37% of older adults aged 50 to 80 years experienced loneliness and 34% reported feeling socially isolated. This disconnection can lead to all kinds of health risks including cardiovascular issues, weakened immune system, obesity and dementia, and increases the risk for premature death by 29%.

But there is hope.

Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy said intergenerational connections can be a "source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight" in his 2023 advisory report on the issue.  

"It's really vitally important and powerful for young kids and their grandparents to stay connected and engaged," says Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United, which brings people of all ages together to improve the lives of children, youth and older adults. "For the grandparents, it brings hope, a sense of purpose and positive interactions that make them feel joyful and less alone."

Those sparks of joy are mutual. "For young people, these relationships expand their outlook on the world," Butts says. "By hearing their grandparents' stories and legends and learning about their roots, they feel a deeper connection to who they are and where they came from, and the larger world."

A study conducted by the University of Oxford found kids with strong grandparent support actually have less behavior and emotional problems. The study, completed by Ann Buchanan from the Department of Social Policy and Intervention, strongly demonstrates the significant source of support grandparents provide for their grandkids.

Studies also suggest close relationships with grandkids can be a prescription for well-being. The above-mentioned healthy aging study found that grandparents with at least one grandchild (72%) were more likely to say they hardly ever feel isolated compared with those without grandchildren (62%).

The importance of bridging the generational divide has never been more important, says Eunice Lin Nichols, co-CEO of CoGenerate, a national nonprofit that brings younger and older people together to solve problems and bridge divides. By 2030, the United States for the first time will have more 65-and-older residents than children, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

"This shift underscores the need for intergenerational connection as never before," she says. "The divide between generations isn't just a demographic concern, it's also a social one, with consequences for mental health, community well-being and societal progress. We need to find ways to co-create these relationships, with the emphasis of it being with each other, working together."

Eben Pingree, a Boston father of three and co-founder of Kinsome, a smartphone app designed to combat loneliness in older adults, has found a creative way for technology to inspire those vital connections. After his mother and father-in-law were diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Pingree felt a sense of urgency to find a way for his children — Cole, 10, Thayer, 6, and Beckett, 3 — to forge even deeper connections with their grandparents.

"It takes countless shared moments and tiny interactions to support relations that span a half century or more," Pingree says. "It's hard to accumulate these through occasional visits and forced video calls. We're trying to open the window for more regular daily connections that go beyond the yes and no question interactions."

Marjorie Getz — known as "Bubbe" to her nine grandchildren ages 3 months to 14 years — is committed to being an active presence in their busy lives. Whether it's walking them to synagogue, picking them up from school or hosting sleepovers, her approach starts with asking her five adult children, "How can I help?"

"I want to be a light who always is there as a stable and available presence," she explains. This involves a delicate balancing act for Getz, who also manages Pediatric Psycho-Educational Consulting Services at Advocate Children's Hospital in Park Ridge, Illinois. (Typically she works one weekend day to be available on weekdays.) "My own mother taught me that the child is there in front of us and their needs override everything else."

Angela Baldwin, who is "Nana" to Alijah, 11, has shifted her focus from theater, restaurants and a Wisconsin zoo safari with her grandson to supporting him at soccer and basketball games. Inspired to "be where he is," she now volunteers once a week at his grade school.

"Care where you are," says Generation United's Butts. "Young people have an incredible need just to be with you. One family I know carries on a family tradition at the holidays of staying in a hotel room and giving the parents some time off. Another holds 'grand camp' every summer in their backyard. They've held themes — theater, dance or hiking. Even if you are just together in silence, just be available to listen."

That sentiment hit home when I received a call from Rylee asking if I could take her and her friend to the mall.

"How soon can you be ready?" I replied, the thrill of the invitation feeling like a lifeline. I chuckled at the thought of digging through my closet to find something that wouldn't embarrass me in front of her teenage friend.

At the mall, the energy was electric. With cinnamon sugar-coated pretzels in hand, Rylee and her friend raced ahead, as we moved from Lululemon to Sephora. At the Drunk Elephant display: "Nana, look! They have the best skincare products!" I wondered if the retinol cream was a hint to me.

As a self-appointed, "Nana on Wheels," my grown daughter, "Aunt Emily," suggested I stock the backseat with freshly-baked cookies and bread.

Gratefully, my flexible schedule allows for spontaneity. As long as her parents are OK with it, I'm eager to bust out my driving skills and let Rylee upload Morgan Wallen on my CarPlay and head in our new direction.

When Rylee calls or texts, I'm reminded of those days when she was a toddler and would yell "Nana!" as if she were calling for "Blankie." No one else has sounded that happy to see me in years. I'm transported back to the afternoons at Barnes & Noble, peeling and sticking colorful sticker books and sipping hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream — just like Fancy Nancy.

Oh, Rylee, Tommy and Keira, the places you'll go! I can drive you!