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Siblings Discover Roles While Giving Care to Family Members

Each brother and sister finds out what's best to help the family

By Family Caregiver Alliance

Issues between siblings in caregiving families are a common concerns. Family dynamics and sibling roles are emphasized in any family crisis or stressful situation. Facing the long-term care of a family member is indeed a family crisis.

It is really important to recognize that individuals react to stressors in many different ways. The sibling who is most likely to take on the primary caregiving role can often look back over time and see that he or she tends to respond by mobilizing resources and taking a "hands-on" approach to managing difficult situations.

Others may not be as comfortable with the same level of involvement. Tasks that can be accomplished from a distance and require less emotional or "hands on" involvement may appeal more to these family members. In fact, they may be willing — if not relieved — to be given an assignment or a list of tasks, e.g., "I need you to drive Dad to the doctor on Thursday," or "Please pick up this prescription tomorrow." Others may be able to contribute financially, if not emotionally.

Many successful caregiving families report that they have divided up the responsibilities according to individual preferences and capacity. This way, everyone feels that they are contributing and the burden for the primary caregiver is significantly lightened. A family meeting can often accomplish these kinds of agreements.

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Other siblings may become withdrawn and prefer not to be involved at all. This can cause great resentment from the more active participants. However, it appears that those who prefer no involvement are often still carrying unresolved family issues, which only they can work through themselves.

When it begins to feel like your burden is increased due to others' non-participation, ask for specific kinds of help that these individuals would be able to provide. Asking for help directly may give the individual an opportunity to offer what they can. If the answer is "no,"then it is time to remind yourself to let go of what you cannot change and work with the resources that are available to you.

In many communities, resources — like adult day care centers or "friendly visitor" programs — are already in place to assist caregivers, even if siblings are not being very supportive. We encourage you to research services available in your community.

By Family Caregiver Alliance

MissionFamily Caregiver Alliance is a public voice for caregivers, illuminating the daily challenges they face, offering them the assistance they so desperately need and deserve, and championing their cause through education, services, research and advocacy.    Who We Are Founded in 1977, Family Caregiver Alliance was the first community-based nonprofit organization in the country to address the needs of families and friends providing long-term care at home. Long recognized as a pioneer in health services, the alliance offers programs at national, state and local levels to support and sustain caregivers.National, State and Local Programs Uniting research, policy and practice, the alliance established the National Center on Caregiving to advance the development of high-quality, cost effective programs and policies for caregivers in every state in the country. The National Center on Caregiving sponsors the Family Care Navigator to help caregivers locate support services in their communities. Family Caregiver Alliance also oversees Link2Care, an Internet support and information system for clients of California's system of Caregiver Resource Centers and operates the Bay Area Caregiver Resource Center in the six-county San Francisco Bay Area. In that capacity, the alliance's staff social workers work closely with families caring for ill or elderly loved ones. Our services, education programs and publications are developed with their expressed needs in mind, to offer real support, essential information, and tools to manage the complex and demanding tasks of caregiving.

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