Chronicles of Change: Storytelling Events Help Women Navigate Menopause

Menopause, and its little sister perimenopause, constitute one of the most challenging biological shifts in a woman's life. Hormone levels drop, triggering a whole host of potential physical and emotional symptoms that many women are not aware of, let alone expecting. With over 40 symptoms linked to this phase — from anxiety to spotting to hot flashes — women's lives can easily be upended.

Each year, more than 1 million women in the United States experience menopause. Many more are in the midst of perimenopause, yet very few feel comfortable talking about it, according to research from Ipsos. This can lead to unnecessary stress and loneliness, and prevent women from getting the support and treatment they need to ease their symptoms.

The stigma and silence around menopause still persist today yet is slowly starting to crumble due to a few trailblazers. As a result of popular podcasts, books and social media influencers, women are finally starting to speak up and share their stories. Additionally, storytelling events where women gather as a community to listen to each other's anecdotes about menopause and mid-life challenges are helping them find camaraderie and comfort in the process.

Even though menopause is a natural part of the aging process, it remains a taboo topic in today's culture. Fortunately, there has been some progress, such as in 2009 when October was designated as World Menopause Awareness Month and Oct. 18 as World Menopause Awareness Day. There also have been some pop-culture references, such as "The Menopause Monologues," "Menopause the Musical," and scenes in "Sex and the City" and its reboot "And Just Like That…"

But overall, many women admit that their mother never talked to them about menopause, and they are too afraid to bring it up to their doctor, friends or even sister.

Why is that?

For some women, they just believe it's deeply personal and prefer to stay silent. "There is a societal expectation that women should gracefully accept the physical and emotional changes that come with age, rather than openly discuss them," says Ralph Waldo, M.D., a psychiatrist specializing in women's health. These women are afraid of being labeled as someone who is complaining or overreacting, he says.

Some are uncomfortable, embarrassed and full of shame. "Their mothers didn't share the information or warn them, so they are not used to talking about it," says Amy Goober, a 65-year-old coach who works with women in perimenopause and menopause. "Women can feel embarrassed to discuss these natural stages because of the symptoms themselves … and often can feel ashamed about what is happening to their bodies."  

Finally, some women have bought into the idea that menopause is a taboo topic. "I've seen first-hand how the silence surrounding perimenopause and menopause intensifies emotional struggles," says Adam Zagha, licensed psychologist and founder of Numa Recovery Centers. "Many women avoid sharing their stories because society still treats these natural stages as taboo."

Research shows that women benefit from authenticity and relatability by sharing their own stories and listening to others. Two women are heeding the call by organizing events for women using menopause-related storytelling. Here are their stories — from Chicago to Charleston, South Carolina — which are intended to get others to get chatting.

Kim Moldofsky of Scrappy Affirmations has organized three storytelling sessions called "Hot Flashes and Fierce Tales: Stories that Sizzle from Menopause and Beyond" in the Chicago area. She designed these events to be filled with laughs, life lessons and relatable stories for women in this stage of life.

What started out as just a fun night with friends has now blossomed into a standing room-only engagement, as she looks for a larger venue for future events. "My overall goal is to help women through transition and come out hoping to find meaning, if not community, and possibly even joy," Moldofsky says.

Moldofsky puts out a call for storytellers who fill out an application and prepare to share for up to five minutes. "They are ideally stories, but people have read poems or sang songs. Sometimes it's very menopause-specific, and sometimes the stories are more about a midlife transition," she explains. "These are all personal true-life reflections."

The tone of the stories varies, from shocking to sad to hilarious. "There is a lot of personal talk about what's happening to our bodies and how we're dealing with that," Moldofsky says. "We had a woman who brought a whole show-and-tell bag with her talking about the products that we come to rely on as we age."

Storyteller Michelle Young started off her bit singing "How do you solve a problem like menstruation?" to a tune from "The Sound of Music." The 59-year-old talked about how in her 40s she started to get terrible hot flashes, and how it felt like she was in a hot yoga class all day long.

Attendee Dorianne Conn has discovered patterns that emerge at the events. "I've been fascinated by how at each one there's an inadvertent theme that arises that women who tell the stories happen to hit upon," she says. "It was beautiful and striking how they were very disparate stories … but they braided together [by chance]."

Gayle Brandeis, writer, teacher, and co-proprietor of Secret World Books where one of the events was held, shared a story about her menopause experience. "It was great fun to share the piece in a room full of people who really got it. I loved being able to hear the laughs and gasps of commiseration throughout the room," she recalls. She said it felt like everyone was buzzing with electricity and joy as they left, laughing and chatting excitedly. "I got a lot of comments from people who said things like 'I needed this' or 'We have to do this again' along with so much effusive gratitude."

Kerri Devine is the founder of @HotinCharleston, a community for women sharing their menopause stories. When she launched her community, one of the first things she did was survey women aged 35 to 65. She discovered "90% of the women … were unfamiliar with perimenopause and 75% said they were interested in hearing stories from other women going through perimenopause." She says she saw a clear need for women to have more information so they could take better care of themselves.

She hosted an event in Charleston that attracted a sold-out audience of 150. There was a panel consisting of physicians and memoirists, and many questions related to emotions around menopause were addressed. "I think a lot of the conversation around menopause focuses on physical symptoms … but it's the emotional and relational impacts of perimenopause and menopause that I find most interesting, and those are the things that women want to talk about," Devine says.

Devine is now taking the conversation to the stage by creating and producing a multi-genre showcase called "Midlife Monologues." She quilted together a script and talented people including poets, memoirists and actors to shine a light on midlife stories for women. "There's a lot of really interesting sharing," she says. "There is a lot of comedy and a lot of heartache. Everybody's stories reflect the arc of a woman's life."

The feedback continues to roll in. "Two women … talked about how this show was transformative for them, about how they finally felt understood and … weren't the only ones having these isolating feelings," Devine says.

Sharing stories about menopause in a supportive community can bring transformative healing, Zagha says. "Women often find healing in storytelling because it reminds them they're not alone in their struggles. It can normalize the experience, reduce feelings of isolation and provide validation. When women break the silence around menopause, they unlock the emotional power of shared experiences, transforming shame into strength."

Moldofsky agrees. "When we don't have these conversations out in the open, we doubt ourselves and we feel shame, and we shrink as a result. But when we have these conversations out in the open, we learn … that we're not alone. Having these conversations helps us connect, helps us feel OK, and pushes shame aside."

"I think that storytelling matters because it fulfills our need to feel validated," Devine says. "It helps us feel like we're not alone. It helps us recognize our shared humanity. It encourages us to lean on other people, and it renews our confidence in ourselves as we turn inward and then pivot to almost what I view as a second life, a chance to live again."

Here are some ways to tap into the power of community storytelling:

• Brush up on your public speaking skills by joining Toastmasters International.
• Listen to The Moth or attend one of their live events.
• Read essayists focused on women’s topics, such as Wendi Aarons’ book “I’m Wearing Tunics Now” and Kate Baer’s poetry collections in “And Yet and What Kind of Woman.”
• Search for storytelling and open mic nights using Facebook, Eventbrite and Meetup.
• Search for women’s health storytelling opportunities at hospitals, health centers, community centers and universities, such as Menarche to Menopause (Stories to laugh by), organized by the University Women's Network at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.
• Find or start a book club to focus on discussing midlife topics like menopause.
• Watch Midlife Monologues in March 2025 via livestream.
• Bring daughters and younger women to these events to break the cycle of silence and confusion around perimenopause and menopause.

Sandi Schwartz is the award-winning author of Finding Ecohappiness: Fun Nature Activities to Help Your Kids Feel Happier and Calmer and a freelance journalist specializing in home and garden, nature, sustainability. and wellness. She has been published in AARP, Yahoo News, Dwell, Success, Mother Earth News, mindbodygreen, Family Handyman, BobVila.com, and many other publications.
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