The Photos of 'Memento Morrie'

Nearly 30 years ago in February 1995, Heather Pillar — a graduate student and photographer at Brandeis University — had an idea. 

Her sociology professor Maury Stein had spent a number of his classes talking about Morrie Schwartz, a retired colleague in the department (who wanted to be called 'Morrie'). The subject: death and dying as ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, was slowly taking Morrie's life. 

Intrigued, Heather asked Professor Stein if he would introduce her to Professor Schwartz so she could be a 'fly on the wall photographer,' documenting what would become Morrie's final six months of life. 

But unlike most dying people who live out their final months and days in hospice or privately with family and perhaps, a few close friends, Morrie opened his life to not just family but to a wide assortment of friends, acquaintances and the media. And he wanted to share, not hide, the dying experience. Having been to a friend's memorial service not long before, Morrie was determined he would have a "living memorial" where he could hear what friends might say about him before he died.

Morrie also had members of the media to his home to get his message of "living while dying" to a wider audience. First up: Jack Thomas of the Boston Globe.

"People are drawn to me because I'm dying in this gradual way," Morrie told Thomas. "They come here and we get into ultimate issues, what it means to live, how you want to see life end. We're all curious about death, but we rarely meet someone who is dying and willing to talk about it, and I'm very open. You can ask me anything." 

In his living room a week later, Morrie told NIGHTLINE's Ted Koppel, in the first of three interviews, that he needed to ask him a few questions before Ted could interview him. Morrie to Ted: "You're a narcissist." Ted's reply: "I'm too ugly to be a narcissist." 

They laughed. Ted and Morrie instantly hit it off and became close from March until November 4, when Morrie passed away and Ted attended his memorial service at Brandeis. 

It was when Ted's first interview with Morrie aired on March 17, 1995, that Detroit sportswriter Mitch Albom accidentally tuned in, only to discover to his horror, his favorite professor and mentor was dying. At his graduation from Brandeis, Albom promised to visit Morrie, but never did. 

To pay Morrie back, Albom visited Morrie on 14 Tuesdays, recorded many conversations with him and would write "Tuesdays with Morrie" to help Morrie pay his medical bills. After many rejections, Albom finally got word and was able to tell Morrie, shortly before he died, that one publisher took a chance on the book.  

Morrie didn't get a chance to read the book, but many have. Albom struck gold when "Tuesdays with Morrie" became one of the best-selling memoirs in publishing history. 

So, during the spring, summer and into the fall of 1995, Morrie's house in West Newton, Massachusetts was alive with talk about death. And capturing the photos of this unique time, Heather Pillar, author of "Memento Morrie: Images of Love and Loss," just published by Daylight Books.

Next Avenue: How did you come up with this title? 

Heather Pillar: Morrie called his first book "Living While Dying," and that was the title of our photo exhibit together. When "Memento Morrie" came up, I knew that a lot of people don't know Latin anymore. But as I thought about it and how poetic it actually is, I thought people will get 'remember' from 'memento'. And then 'Mori' means 'to die' in Latin, but it happens to be Morrie's name spelled that way. 

It was almost like this is the right title for the book and a great time for it. 'Memento Morrie' is a reminder to live in the present with love. Morrie's message is about love. I love alliteration. And so, love and loss, because if you live long enough, that's what it is to be human. 

What did Maury Stein say in his class that prompted you to ask Morrie Schwartz to participate in your photo project?

I think Maury Stein was basically spot on about the theme of the book, which people are really talking about — how to die and conversely, that means how to live a good life, right?

I had lived in Lincoln, Massachusetts so I frequently walked around Walden Pond. Henry David Thoreau wrote in his book "Walden," "I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow out of life." And so being in my early 30s, that had always been like figuring out direction and figuring out a life worth living. 

So I'd been thinking about it, and I also have asthma. I was pretty sick as a kid, thought about death. But here I was pretty healthy in my early 30s and figuring out direction and what I want to do with my life? And, just thought I'll listen to the wisdom of my older professors. They're there to teach me. So I was trying to take what they had to offer. 

Wasn't it unusual at that time, as a graduate student, to be thinking of death? 

I remember feeling Maury wanted us to meditate on the concept of dying - really sitting in class and thinking about death.  I think I was open to the idea because of my asthma growing up, so I had thought about death in a way that most kids don't. Also, I had done a couple of meditation sessions at Brandeis and found them to be powerful in quieting my thoughts and making room for discovery.  

Maury shared some of the aphorisms that Morrie Schwartz was writing at the time, and I thought about how I could learn while being helpful to Brandeis and to Maury and Morrie.  They were looking for ways to talk about 'living while dying' and I had the news outlet of the Brandeis newspaper, magazine and venues for an exhibition. Brandeis was encouraging my 'self-assigned' projects. 

What did you learn during those six months you spent with Morrie that has stayed with you? 

I had a grandmother who died around 92, but she had dementia and Alzheimer's. It was kind of tragic. Her body was okay, but her mind was gone. And Morrie was the direct opposite — mind fine, but his body was gone. I never had that kind of discussion or experience. It's like facing your fears, not breathing because of asthma. I learned how to scuba dive so that I would sort of conquer that in a way. 

And actually, it's just following my instincts because breathing is so central to your nervous system and so many things. And I didn't know that at the time, but it's helped enormously for me to confront my fears and, and see how I can alleviate or, keep them at bay. And so I think death was one of those things. 

Your book is divided into sections that begin with a photograph and an aphorism from Morrie. Let's talk about some of the photographs in your book. 

FRIENDS: "Let others' affection, love, concern, interest, and admiration be enough to keep you composed." 

There's one photo in the Friends Section I'm told was taken where there is no talking. It's Maury Stein and Morrie Schwartz, face to face holding hands and looking each other in the eye. Why? 

Morrie was losing his voice and Maury Stein was losing his hearing. So there they are, holding hands. There will be love passing between us, Morrie said. And that was something they both had at this point in time. The ability to squeeze each other's hands. 

SPIRITUALITY: "Seek the answers to eternal and ultimate questions about life and death, but be prepared not to find them. Enjoy the search."

You learned from some of Morrie's teachers who would come to the house. Any come to mind? 

I was learning even from his meditation teacher, Narayan. And she said, "Maybe death isn't a big, wide chasm. Maybe it's just a little bridge." That's just a lovely idea. And so, because we don't know, it's nice to kind of play with these ideas.  

FAMILY: "Death doesn't end a relationship. If there is love, it will continue." 

Among the photographs in the Family section, there is one of Morrie and his son Rob, embracing. Rob said, "Dad and I were always affectionate, and this image captures the affection and the intensity of the moment." Were you comfortable witnessing these kinds of intimate images? 

I really was trying to be a fly on the wall. I think it is a privilege that I was there and that they were so unselfconscious. They knew I was there, but it was very authentic.  I love that photograph.

In the same section, there's a photo of Morrie and his younger brother, David, who wraps his hand around Morrie's hand. 

They're holding hands. Again, it's really authentic. Genuine. And David really had a great affection for his older brother Morrie. 

Credit: Heather Pillar

IN DEATH AND BEYOND: "Continuous learning is the secret to living a full life. Learn how to live and you'll know how to die; learn how to die and you'll know how to live." 

In May 1996, Rob visited his dad's gravesite after the stone was installed. According to Jewish tradition, while flowers may be a good metaphor for the brevity of life, stones seem better suited to the permanence of memory. 

Morrie was the wise professor. And so that's the part that he and I think comes from the life he lived. But also he had the wisdom and he had been thinking about it. People would benefit from not shutting off older people and their wisdom. Let's learn from each other. 

I remember Morrie saying that he thought people would not remember him in 25 years. Through his generosity of spirit, he is still teaching us almost 30 years later - a teacher to the last.