The Sandwich Generation Has Become a Generation of Jugglers
My suggestions on ways society can help make our challenges easier
I was twisting my fork through a bowl of ribbony pasta in a dark restaurant when the woman across the table said to me, "To be honest, I got a little jealous when you said your mom's in a nursing home."

I was surprised that anyone would be jealous of my mom, who wound up in a nursing home because she fell on the street and almost died.
But that's the game we're playing now — who has it easier in Generation X? My generation has been called "The Sandwich Generation" by social scientists over the last few decades, as many of us are taking care of older relatives and children at once. But statistically and anecdotally, it seems we've entered a new chapter.
In just the past year I've noticed that the nature of conversations among my peer group has changed, both in person and on social media.
Some of us are now caregiving for aging loved ones while still working full-time, taking care of children, and on top of that, adding a new wrinkle, so to speak— we're heading into our fifties and encountering our own health issues. At midlife, the Sandwich Generation is becoming a Generation of Jugglers. And we need more resources than before — even just caregiver support groups like the one I attended at the restaurant.
According to Pew Research, Generation X consists of 65 million people born between 1965 to 1980. This makes the median years for Generation X births 1972 to 1973, meaning roughly half of those in my generation are now 51 or older. And 51 just happens to be the average age of menopause in America, according to the Mayo Clinic, thus, many in Gen X have added a new slice of struggles to our thickening sandwich.
A Dramatic Shift
In just the past year I've noticed that the nature of conversations among my peer group has changed, both in person and on social media. Many of the discussions are about juggling health issues with giving older loved ones the dignity and care they deserve.
One thing we need to acknowledge, as a society, is that a fairly dramatic shift took place just a couple of generations ago. When my grandparents' generation was born — after the end of World War I in the 1920s — their average life expectancy was 54 to 60, depending on the year.
What about their own children, the Baby Boomers, born from 1946 to 1964? The life expectancy for those born in the first year of the baby boom was 64 for men and 69 for women. And boomers who reach age 70 are expected to live into their early 80s.
It goes without saying that longer life expectancies are a gift — but have we, as a society, acknowledged the resources and money it takes to keep giving that gift?
It goes without saying that longer life expectancies are a gift to all of us — but have we, as a society, acknowledged the resources and money it takes to keep giving that gift?
I remember fondly that each Sunday in the 1970s, my family would visit an old white house teeming with the great-aunts and uncles who'd grown up there. When one of them was sick, the others pitched in to help. I've gotten wistful for the days of large families, but I have to acknowledge the reality that four out of those seven siblings died by age 60. It was easier to raise large families when medical costs and technology were inexpensive, and people didn't live long. Now, medical care is more expensive and there are fewer shoulders to share the caregiving.
The challenges that I've heard my peers discussing lately, both in my monthly Sandwich Generation support group and online, fall into several complicated categories: Determining when an older relative can no longer live independently, or even at home among family; trying to get medical help for someone against their wishes; helping a relative who's hoarding and won't let anyone inside, dealing with a loved one whose illness has made them combative and navigating the red tape of insurance and social services to deal with it all.
The monthly caregiver support group I attended at a restaurant was founded in December 2023 after I posted a rant on Facebook and a friend reached out. I had written that even though my Facebook posts seem happy, I'd been shepherding a parent through cancer treatments and helping another loved one through a health crisis. My point was that social media doesn't tell the whole story.
A woman whom I'd met at events in my small New Jersey city commented that a few of us appeared to be caring for older loved ones, and maybe we should get coffee. Now, each month, six to seven of us come together to vent, share resources, or just get two hours of self-care. We start meetings by going around the table and updating the others on our lives and loved ones.
As a result of my experiences in the group and in caring for a chronically ill relative for decades, I've come up with several easy ways society could help modern caregivers adjust to the new juggles and struggles. Unfortunately, change is slow, in part, because the people who struggle most often are usually too busy surviving to advocate or run for office.
I doubt I'm alone in saying there has to be a middle ground between using one's limited sick days for a loved one and applying for weeks and weeks of family leave.
How Society Can Help
Here are five suggestions on the ways I think society could help my generation care for aging loved ones.
- Encourage and foster caregiver support groups. Several of the members of my group are not only helping a parent; they’re supporting cousins, uncles, children and neighbors. Sharing our struggle is valuable. One of my new friends in the group recently gave me a ride to see my mom at the nursing home.
- Employers must acknowledge the obligations of modern caregiving. In our country, workplaces often allow a handful of sick days and two to three personal days, but no “relative sick days” when someone in a family is ill. I doubt I’m alone in saying there has to be a middle ground between using one’s limited sick days for a loved one and applying for weeks and weeks of family leave. If we need a few extra days off to take relatives to appointments during the day, employers need be flexible in letting us make up the time. Of course, small business owners struggle, too. A healthy workplace is one in which both employers and employees feel they can communicate honestly.
- Agencies should address ‘phone fatigue.’ The term may sound funny, but I guarantee that anyone who’s been a caregiver recognizes the unspoken struggle. Forms for medical care and social services can be filled out any time, but phone calls to agencies and insurance companies often have to be made during the workday. What’s confounding is how often these calls get disconnected midway through. I recently spent 20 minutes on the phone giving information to a government worker, then was hung up on and had to start over, turning the call during my “lunch hour” into 90 minutes. Every agency, utility and insurance company should simply take down the caller’s number and call back if they’re disconnected, rather than leave us to start over. Seems obvious? It’s not. A government representative recently told me, “I have no way to call you back.” This is no longer an acceptable response.
- Appoint a visible “Earl of Sandwich” in each state. Many people don’t know where to start in navigating resources for aging loved ones. The members of my support group have talked many times about radio and TV ads we see for a program in New York State that helps people with chronic illness or disabilities pay someone they know to be their caregiver. New York is clearly reaching the public if their program is sparking discussions in New Jersey. Each state needs a one-stop shop for easily understood instructions on eldercare for varying income levels.
- Simply acknowledge that society has changed. People are living longer. Let’s say it again: People are living longer. It’s a gift that creates new challenges and costs. Similarly, we should acknowledge that we went through a worldwide pandemic just four years ago. It’s striking to hear people talk about current health and economic conditions without acknowledging a once-in-a-century crisis. We spend too much time pointing fingers or waxing nostalgic about our grandparents’ time (I know I do) without figuring out how to take steps forward in the new reality.
In Greek mythology, the Sphinx posed a riddle to Oedipus: "What goes on four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening?" The answer was that it was a human who crawls, then stands, then walks with a cane.
We need a new riddle for Generation X and our elders: "What goes on four legs in the morning, two at noon, and 65 million in the evening?"
It's time our Juggling Generation uses our voice to find ways to help relatives and neighbors get the compassionate, dignified care they deserve as they age — the level of care we'll soon need ourselves, and in some cases, already do.