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Treat Every Day as a Special Occasion

A life lesson from loved ones who are no longer with us: Don’t postpone joy

By Shawna Bethell

A few years ago I was scrolling through social media when I ran across a post from my friend Kate. There was no photo, just a simple colored background with bold black script. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion," it read. "Being alive is the special occasion."

A china cabinet filled with dishes. Next Avenue, save for special occasion
"The concept of caring for items that we love is important, and being able to pull a favorite possession from the cupboard or closet to use it is rewarding."  |  Credit: Sophia Kunkel

I understand now that the quote is attributed to the illustrator Mary Engelbreit, but at the time I thought it to be a good reminder, a note of advice from my friend who had so often shared her perspective when I went to her in need.

Because the electronic visage of social media is ephemeral, I scribbled down the sentiment with the tools I had at hand, a black marker and a folded New York Times, where a Chanel ad offered enough uncluttered space to anchor my friend's wisdom to the tangible world. I wanted to keep the reminder because Kate herself was fading, and a few days later, she was gone.

Lingering Legacy of the Depression

I've wondered since if the concept of saving an item for a special occasion was born of a generation that had lived through the Depression, when things lost or ruined weren't easily replaced. If it was not born in that era, the idea was certainly adopted by those who experienced the deprivation of those years. And they often passed that belief to the next generation, my own generation.

"We'll save it for special."

My mother was raised during the Depression, and she held the belief of "saving for a special occasion" very closely. More than once, I heard her say of some item, "we'll save that" and smile with anticipation.

One day in particular, I remember shopping with her when she was in middle age and I was in college. We'd gone out of town and were browsing through a specialty cooking shop filled with the scents of freshly ground spices and loose-leaf teas.

Our family was never wealthy: my mother was a secretary, my father a bridge carpenter, and they worked hard for the money they earned. But from time to time my mother would splurge, and that day she bought a small bag of orange-spiced loose-leaf tea. It smelled divine. "We'll save it for special," she said.

Treasure in a Tin of Tea

After my mother died and I was cleaning her cupboard, I found a tin of teabags pushed to the back of the shelf. Sifting through the creased and aged tea foils, I found a small plastic bag of orange-spice tea. The price — 65 cents — was hand-written on the small white sticker where the cooking shop's logo was stamped.

A note scribbled on newspaper. Next Avenue, save for special occasion
A friend's social media post of a quote from the illustrator Mary Engelbreit is a reminder to enjoy life as it happens and not wait for a special day that may never come.   |  Credit: Shawna Bethell

I'm sure that when she purchased the tea, she had planned on inviting friends over or baking something special to go with her find. But over the years as she waited, the small bag just got pushed further into the cupboard, where it was eventually forgotten.

Holding the bag, I realized my mother had never enjoyed the tea that had made her so happy those many decades before. And while I can still see her lifting the small bag to her nose and taking in the citrus scent and smiling, it makes me sad.

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I am now past the age she was then, and I carried her "saving" into my own life. Today, in the back of my closet, is a pristine linen summer blouse, pale lavender in color, accented with fragile shell buttons. It has always been one of my favorites. But I have "saved" that lovely blouse for 30 years, never wanting to spill anything on it for fear of never being able to wear it again, so it's been worn only once or twice in all that time. Looking back, I knew why I hadn't often worn the blouse, but now I surely wished that I had.

Any Day Can Be Special

The concept of caring for items that we love is important, and being able to pull a favorite possession from the cupboard or closet to use it is rewarding. It gives us something to look forward to. However, it can also become wasteful if we reach the point where we are always looking to the future. Not just wasteful of the item we have but of the time we are looking beyond, judging the "now" as not "special" enough.

Small moments of appreciation, of happiness, make our everyday existence worthwhile.

The scrawled bit of wisdom that Kate passed on still hangs above my desk. I never rewrote it or typed it into lovely script. I wanted to recall the immediacy of that day. Of seeing Kate's post, writing it down, and knowing it was the last advice she'd give. Her "special occasion" was ending and she wanted the rest of us to wake up and appreciate what we have. I wanted to remember. So I've tried.

Even though "saving for special" is deeply ingrained, I no longer want to put off joy, whether it is sipping a cup of tea, wearing a nice blouse or taking a trip. Small moments of appreciation, of happiness, make our everyday existence worthwhile. Special can be what and when we make it, sometimes spontaneously, just by acting as it is so.

Shawna Bethell
Shawna Bethell is an essayist/journalist whose work has appeared in a variety of publications including the Kansas Reflector, the Denver Post, High Desert Journal and Statesider. Her focus is conservation. Read More
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