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Why We Don't Get Rid of Stuff

There are psychological and physiological reasons for overconsumption, but none that cannot be overcome

By Edd and Cynthia Staton

Thankfully the COVID-19 pandemic is in the rearview mirror, but America's epidemic of overconsumption shows no sign of abating. Just as kudzu blankets forestland throughout the Southeast, our clutter threatens to overtake not only our physical surroundings but also our mental wellbeing.

A hand sticking out of a huge pile of clothes. Next Avenue, overconsumption, buying stuff
Mass consumerism arguably began in 1872, when Montgomery Ward & Co. released the first general merchandise catalog. Suddenly almost anything in production could be delivered by mail.  |  Credit: Andrej Lišakov

Exaggeration?

Consider that the median single-family home has almost tripled in size since the 1950s (from 983 to 2,532 square feet) and there is no room to park in 25% of two-car garages. Then, after filling attics, basements, closets and drawers, 11% of American households spend almost $100 per month on self-storage units to accommodate the overflow.

But wait, there's more.

American kids, who make up 3.1% of the global population of children, have 40% of the world's toys. Overly cluttered living space has been linked to higher stress levels, poor sleep and binge eating.

The National Association for Professional Organizers says that 54% of respondents to a 2015 survey felt overwhelmed by their messy households, and 78% had no idea what to do about it.

A Brief History of Clutter

How have we ended up in this predicament? In our country's early days, if an item you wanted or needed wasn't available at the general store, you did without.

Mass consumerism arguably began in 1872, when Montgomery Ward & Co. released the first general merchandise catalog. Suddenly almost anything in production could be delivered by mail.

Several years later, Sears, Roebuck upped the ante by offering free trials and money-back guarantees for merchandise in its catalog. Around this time, large department stores like Marshall Fields and Macy's appeared in major cities.

"Our possessions become extensions of our identity."

The end of World War II brought a new wave of consumer goods into the marketplace, followed by widespread use of credit cards in the 1960s and '70s. More and more people bought things simply because they could.

As a result of this cultural shift to "buy now, pay later," today's average credit card debt stands at over $6,500.

Big box stores, discount retailers and overseas manufacturing pushed prices even lower. Clothing is so cheap that today the average American has 138 apparel items and 19 pairs of shoes in the closet, according to market researchers.

Now there's online shopping, where Amazon's 1-Click Ordering and offer of next-day delivery make accumulating even more stuff effortless.

Why Do We Keep Buying All This Stuff?

"We have a very long relationship with stuff," Dr. Jessica Beachkofsky, a psychiatrist in Tampa, Florida, says. "In the distant human past, our possessions helped us stay alive."

Buying something leads the brain to briefly release dopamine, a feel-good chemical originally intended to reward behaviors that supported survival.

Since saber-toothed tigers no longer chase us, this reward system has two flaws: 1) it encourages us to repeat actions long after they stop being beneficial and 2) the easier it is to do something, the less satisfying it is. Thus, in the case of purchases, the behavior must be repeated more frequently to get the same "shopper's high."

Why Is Getting Rid of It So Darned Hard?

OK, we're hard-wired to accumulate. But if over half of us are stressed out about our excessive clutter, why don't we do something about it? Experts in the field have several ideas.

Emotional Attachment. "People struggle to declutter due to anxiety and unhealthy attachments," Dr. Ralph Waldo, a psychiatrist in Indianapolis, says. "Our possessions become extensions of our identity, so letting them go feels threatening."

Research shows "activation in the brain regions where we hold the ideas of self when people are shown objects that they identify as their own," says Beachkofsky. In other words, our brains can make it difficult for us to differentiate what we own from who we are.

Many people save things because of their sentimental value. "A lot of us want tangible reminders of happy memories or significant experiences, which is why we hold on to things like old pictures, concert tickets or childhood toys," says Dr. Michael Kane, Chief Medical Officer at the Indiana Center for Recovery in Bloomington. "It's our way of 'capturing' or 'freezing' a moment in time and keeping it with us."

A Common Reason (Excuse?)

Might Need It Someday. Few of us have never fallen prey to this reason (excuse?) for hanging on to things. You quit crafting years ago, but "you never know" when you might decide to start back.

What's really going on here? Whereas sentimentality is rooted in the past, attachment to items you haven't used in forever — and probably never will use again — is a mental projection into a future where you will regret having discarded something because, just like you told yourself, you now actually do need it.

"If unused or unenjoyed, donate or toss it."

People with a frugal mindset often display this "might need it someday" attitude. Within limits, frugality is an admirable attribute, especially with today's focus on sustainability and conservation. The on-ramp of the highway to the danger zone is when thriftiness turns into hoarding.

Point of No Return. All of these very valid psychological reasons for excessive clutter don't explain that article of clothing hanging in your closet, price tag still attached, that you've never worn. Or the rack with spices that expired years ago.

A big reason we fail to declutter also partially explains why we don't lose weight, save more money or stay in touch with friends — because, well, we just don't. As simple as that.

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Who wants to spend an afternoon sorting through drawers crammed full of who knows what when something more fun or interesting is going on?

Clean out the garage? Heck, it's no big deal to park in the driveway.

The truth is, when our stuff builds up to the point of no return, whatever perceived benefit to be gained from dealing with it is mentally overridden by the dread of tackling what seems like an insurmountable problem.

Tips for Getting Started

All the reasons we don't get rid of our stuff ultimately boil down to our mindset. Rather than getting bogged down wondering how to get started, it is important to determine a stronger why to get started.

"Instead of thinking about losing something," Kane suggests, "focus on the positive aspects of decluttering and letting go — how you'll have more space in your home or how donating items can benefit someone else who may need them more."

"Start by assessing each item's usefulness and joy it brings you now, not when acquired," says Waldo. "If unused or unenjoyed, donate or toss it. Take photos of sentimental items then release them. This helps overcome fear of regret or forgetting."

Kane suggests taking baby steps to start. "Trying to declutter your entire home in one day would be like ripping off a band-aid without letting the wound heal first," he says.

Stem the Tide of Accumulation

Your job doesn't end when you declutter. You need to avoid filling up your home all over again.

Feng shui expert Tiffany McGee suggests adopting a "more intentional" approach to acquiring new items. "Ask yourself before bringing something new into your home, 'Does this align with my current values and the life I want to create?' " she says.

"Donating items can benefit someone else who may need them more."

A strategy she recommends is the "One In, One Out" Rule. Your closets and drawers don't get any bigger. For every new item you bring into your home, make it a regular practice to get rid of one (or more).

Kane recommends making decluttering a regular habit. "Set aside time periodically to go through your belongings and see what can be donated or thrown away," he advises. "The task becomes less daunting, and you won't accumulate as much unnecessary stuff in the first place."

Ultimately, decluttering frees you from things that no longer serve a purpose in your life. We know this firsthand, because we are serial downsizers who have transitioned over time from a huge home during our child-rearing years to a much smaller empty-nest residence. In the process, our possessions have gradually shrunk to only what we need and truly care about.

Our mantra, not only regarding our stuff but for life in general, has become:

"The easiest journey has the least baggage."

Edd and Cynthia Staton
Edd and Cynthia Staton are nationally recognized journalists who won Gold and Merit awards for two of their Next Avenue articles at the 2024 National Mature Media Awards. They are authors of three best-selling books and creators of Retirement Reimagined!, an online program to help people considering the retirement option of moving abroad. Visit them at www.eddandcynthia.com. Read More
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