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Can We Talk About Joan Rivers?

In her honor, we rounded up 12 of the comic's best quotes on aging

By Sue Campbell

For 55 years, Joan Rivers was one of the hardest-working stars in Hollywood. Often acerbic and always self-deprecating, the comedian came up with a host of memorable one-liners over the years.

One of her favorite topics was aging. Known as much for her plastic surgery as her impeccable comedic timing, Rivers — who died at 81 — seemed to want to turn back the clock on growing older. Yet she also appeared to appreciate the wisdom (and the ability to face the truth) that comes with age.
“I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking,” Rivers once quipped.

(MORE: TED Talk: How to Live Passionately at Any Age)
Here, in honor of Rivers, who died this week due to complications from throat surgery, are a dozen of her best quotes on aging:
1. Forget Valentine’s Day. At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

2. You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy, sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

3. With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

(MORE: When Laughter is the Only Medicine

4. Looking 50 is great — if you’re 60.

5. I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

6. My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

(MORE: The Lighter Side of Senior Moments)

7. When a man has a birthday, he takes the day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.


8. I can’t wear yellow anymore. It’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

9. I saw what was gong on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

(MORE: Japanese Comic Gets Rich Making Fun of Boomers)

10. The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are age-appropriate. For me, that would be a shroud.

11. My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I’d scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus. That way, I’d visit him every day.

12. At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

We'll miss you, Joan.

Sue Campbell was an Editorial and Content Director for Next Avenue. Follow her on Twitter @SuePCampbell. Read More
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