Going Gray the Easy Way

Lately I have been getting more and more compliments on my hair – it is gray and has been for decades. Gray is complicated. Going gray need not be.

At first, I was flattered, then I began to realize there was so much emphasis on my hair, something must be going on. And I began to think. Gray hair is complicated and a bit of concern to many people, especially women. Gray hair on a man is distinguished. On a woman, no such word gets conjured up in our minds.

At my grandmother's funeral when a cousin complimented my hair, I was flattered and stumbled over a thank you. I was 39. Her follow up flabbergasted me – "It is the same color as my Mom's!" Her mom was 73. What does one say to that?

During the pandemic lockdown, going gray took up speed around the earth as women were without their hairstylists and colorists. Most were in a panic, aside from my cousin who has always dyed her own hair, and began to consider their options, including dyeing their own locks or going gray.

I long ago stopped being concerned whether my gray was stress, aging or genetics. What is on the top of my head is all it is. And I concluded, what is on the top of my head is no one else's business but mine.

Personally, I never thought of or desired to dye my own hair. The first time I went to a hairdresser for a dye job was at the insistence of my oldest sister. I was visiting her and there was a family event. She told me she scheduled an appointment with a stylist as a "treat" for me.

Only as I was pulling out of the driveway did she tell me the "treat" included a cut and color. I was so furious at her! The only reason I sat through the process was that I did not want to go back to her house and had nowhere else to go. In retrospect, her treat was all about her; how could her kid sister have graying hair when she had not one gray hair on her head? How would it look to her friends? She had been dyeing her hair for years.

Once home in Vermont, I followed along for a few colorings – more because I did not know what else to do. Or how to let it go back to gray.

Yet, after a few times, I did not like the process, and couldn't sit still comfortably - the smell, the drawn-out work on my head – and worse yet, found dying my hair interrupted my swim workouts. Either I needed more frequent hairdresser appointments, or to wear a bathing cap – which never seemed large enough for my head. So, you could say my head has been giving me problems long before I went gray and unrelated to the color.

The white and gray of my dome I gained because of life experience and my roots – literally and generationally. I let nature do its thing – aside from that short detour initiated by my sister and have a few tips for those considering a change.

For those contemplating going gray, you must prepare yourself. You must plan. And then once gray, you must adjust, not just to what you see in the mirror, but to the inevitable changes to your routine. However, fear not, I am here to help.

Even if you are not gray yet but pondering it, here are some tried and true pointers on the process: 

1. Stop coloring your hair

Obvious I know. The decision is not easy. Many people highlight during the transition to ease into the changing color. A good colorist can help tremendously. Most importantly, enlist the help of a hairstylist who is onboard with your change. Some are, some aren't. Know the professional you are hiring.

2. Cover up

The transition can be harsh. The shock of looking in the mirror. The fear of what people will think. There is a solution: Wear a hat, scarf, or old-fashioned bandana. If embarrassed during the transition, the creative covers will be distracting while deflecting comments from the uninvolved (as I have endured).

3. Create less visible hair

Even if you have worn it long, cut it shorter after a few weeks of growing it out. The blending of colors will happen quicker and make the process easier on you. You can always go back to your original cut. Or you may like the new hair length look.

One of my friends was so dedicated to this process she took all of the above steps at once and shaved her head! I am not recommending that drastic approach; life's changes are hard enough. Her hair grew in beautifully and she embraced the new whitish mop in stages.

Covering up the faded locks is an option, but an option that is not for everyone. Nor is going all natural. When you color your hair, the gray is still there, just overridden. You can dress it up, but you cannot change it. Our bodies are our bodies. Just like our age where it's just considered a number, consider it is just hair. Something that shows the world who you are and where you have been, no matter the color.

If you chose to dye it, then go ahead. This is the land of free choice. Either way, carry yourself with confidence. That is the way to make a statement in the world, by being who you are. There is a trend of people past a certain age claiming their evolving selves. Be comfortable, be yourself and going gray will be the effortless way because it is your way.

My decades of experience mean I have some bonus information for you that only us "insiders" know. Be aware that you must understand a lot of things change with a different shade of hair. If you are gray headed or almost there, be prepared:

1. Different colors look good on you. As your hair color changes, you will need to update your clothing colors. To look your best, you will need to wear colors to complement your new hair.
2. Your old standby shampoo may not be good. Go find one that produces shiny, silky gray hair for you. This may take a while. Don’t be afraid of the purple shampoos of our grandmother’s generation. They have gotten an update. There are fabulous ones that can make your hair go from a muted gray to healthy.
3. Make-up needs to be different for the proper emphasis. Head to a make-up counter or experiment yourself. Knowing your new hair color may mean a different lipstick or eye enhancements will make all the difference to flatter the new you.
4. Carry yourself with confidence.

Gray is classy. Age is wisdom.

Christine D. Moriarty 



C.D. Moriarty, CFP, is a Vermont-based financial speaker, writer and coach. She can be found at MoneyPeace.com. Read More