How to Write a Meaningful Memorial for Your Pet

Dan Gjelten turned to Shakespeare, singer/songwriter Paul Simon's song "Old Friends" and a poignant video of his beloved Golden Retriever, Finn, for inspiration as he created a memorial for Finn's passing in December 2022.

He chose a quote from "Hamlet" for the introduction to the remembrance: "Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest…" and wrote of the joy of having Finn's "loving companionship" for 15 years. 

"We've not known a better dog," he added, "and we send him off with tears of love and deep gratitude."

Gjelten, who lives in Minnesota, posted the remembrance on Facebook where friends had seen hundreds of pictures over the years of Finn swimming and running, snoozing and smiling, and he heard from nearly 200 people who'd seen the memorial. 

"Say what you will about Facebook," Gjelten told me in an email, "but in this circumstance, it really was pretty amazing. It helped us cope — a lot of love came our way."

In sharing the memories of Finn in his prime, Gjelten was following precisely what Dr. Linda Harper, a clinical psychologist in Chicago who has led the Chicago Veterinary Medical Pet Loss Support Group for nearly two decades, counsels people who are grieving the loss of a pet companion, to do.  

She says that focusing on the joy of the relationship with the pet instead of the way that the pet died is important to healing.

"In my workshop we talk about honoring your feelings but reframing the story," says Harper. "So, honor the deep despair, but when you tell your story or your poem or however you want to let somebody know that your beloved departed…that's going to be what becomes the neural pathway in your brain when you bring up the name of Jack or Rover or Fluffy."

That's what Harper herself did when her therapy assistant, ChiliDog, a long-haired dachshund, died. Many of Harper's clients had known and loved her dog and she faced the grief of having to share the news of his death over and over.

"So I wrote a little poem and put his picture in about how he got the job as therapy assistant," she says.

As she handed the poem to her patients and they read it together, she realized that the positive memories were replacing the painful details of ChiliDog's passing.

Elissa Jones, Senior Director of Communications and Creative Content for Best Friends, a sanctuary for homeless and special needs animals (Disclosure: I am a donor to BestFriends.org) explains that remembrances for pets have been an important part of the organization's mission.

She says that before Best Friends had a website or a magazine, people would send handwritten memorials through the mail.

Today, the In Memory page at Best Friends.org features many ways to share the story of a beloved animal companion and mark their passing.

Jones told me in an interview that the offerings give shape to the pet lover's grief. "Unlike when people die, when a pet dies there are not formalized rituals or things that you can do and that leaves people, I think, feeling isolated or struggling to have that closure or that way of healing and sharing."

Dr. Karen Fine, a veterinarian and author of "The Other Family Doctor," suggests that including everyday memories and ordinary details of your pet's life are important. She writes on her website: "No memory is too small or insignificant; it is the tiny, intimate details that many people miss most."

Fine also encourages pet parents to include the story of how your pet came into your life, what it was like the first time you saw them, and the places that your pet loved most.

Lap of Love, a pet hospice and in-home euthanasia service, features an In Loving Memory page that provides step-by-step instructions for creating a pet memorial, including a place to post photographs.

Rainbow Bridge offers pet lovers a virtual resting place for a pet for $25 a year. Friends and family can visit the memorial and send virtual condolence cards to the grieving parent.

And social media sites like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube offer an outlet for mourning the passing of a beloved pet, although beware of the possibility of harsh comments from people who underestimate the grief that follows the death of a pet companion.

Harper believes that's what makes support groups so important. "People bond because they know one another understands (the loss.) They often are discouraged by people who say, 'Aren't you over that yet? It's just a dog; it's just a cat,' and the grieving heart is so sensitive it can send people in a terrible direction."

Still, Harper strongly encourages the public expression of the role that pet played in someone's life. "Grief needs allowance, recognition, understanding," she says.

Kerri Miller is the host of a show about books & authors for Minnesota Public Radio and the Chief Enthusiast for a book-focused travel company called SirenSojourns. Read More