'Nobody Will Tell You This But Me'

The special bond between Bess Kalb, 38, and her Grandma Bobby (Bell) began when Kalb was born. "My mother was in her second year of residency when I was born," explains Kalb, 38. "So my Grandma Bobby helped raise me."

When Grandma Bobby died at age 90, Kalb was devasted. "Grandma Bobby lived a good and full life," says Kalb. "Her death wasn't a tragedy. It was the natural order of things. But still, her age, or the knowledge that this day was coming, didn't diminish the enormity of the loss."

Kalb wrote her book "Nobody Will Tell You This But Me" as a way to process her immense grief. 

The memoir is in her grandmother's voice; the "Me" in the title is Grandma Bobby, while the "You" is Bess or Bessie as her grandmother lovingly called her. Kalb explains, "As my Grandma Bobby got older, I started saving all of the voicemails that she left me. When I went to write her eulogy, I realized that the best way to memorialize my grandmother was in her own voice. The eulogy is one of the chapters in the book."

For Kalb, being funny comes naturally. She is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer and wrote for eight years on late night television, including "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" Most recently Kalb was the head writer and EP of Amazon Prime's series "Yearly Departed." She also wrote the humorous children's book, Buffalo Fluffalo.

Kalb attributes much of her comedic talent to her grandmother. "My Grandma Bobby was one of the funniest people I have ever known, "says Kalb. "That is not just my opinion. When I worked at Kimmel, Grandma Bobby would call sometimes, and I would put her on speakerphone so that everyone could hear how funny she was. She had incredible timing."

For Bobby, humor may have been a way to cope. Bobby's mother had escaped the pogroms in Europe. Kalb says, "My great-grandmother came to this country when she was 13. I am sure it was hard for her and my grandmother. They faced trauma and grief, but they had survival skills, including humor. If you don't laugh, then you will cry, so my Grandma Bobby chose to laugh as a way to cope."

Kalb wrote her book partly to introduce readers to an older woman who wasn't a stereotype. She says, "So many times, older people are the butt of jokes and being old is mocked. But that wasn't Grandma Bobby. She was a strong, smart woman. She wasn't a punchline – she delivered the jokes. She was funny-hysterical her whole life and that didn't change when she got older."

The other myth Kalb hoped to debunk is that of the "typical Jewish grandmother," as depicted in books, television shows and movies. "Every Jewish person isn't the same, and every older Jewish woman isn't the same. You can be Jewish and have differing opinions and personalities, and I wanted to shatter that Jewish stereotype, honestly portraying Grandma Bobby and her individuality."

With her mother finishing medical school, Kalb and her grandmother spent a lot of time together from the time Kalb was a baby. "All my firsts, from steps to haircuts, it was my grandmother who was with me," says Kalb.

As she grew up, Kalb remembers always going places with her grandmother. She says, "Grandma Bobby didn't stop her life when I was around. Instead, I became a part of her life. I'd accompany her when she went to the beauty parlor or visited her friends. I was so lucky to have a grandmother who treated me like an equal and allowed me to step up to her level."

Grandma Bobby was able to give each person what they needed. "My grandmother had seven grandchildren, including me," says Kalb. "All of us had different individual relationships and experiences with Grandma Bobby. None of them would write the same book about her as I did, which is part of what made Grandma Bobby so special to us."

Kalb says, "When I wrote the book, I wanted my grandmother's voice to resonate with the reader, so it was important that I got her voice right. I wanted the reader to get to know Grandma Bobby and fall in love with her as I knew her."

Stellar book sales and positive reviews from critics and readers suggest that Kalb more than completed her initial mission. While Kalb is grateful for all the positive feedback, she especially appreciates one particular fan letter she received.

"Grandma Bobby's best friend is 94. She wrote me an email thanking me for telling my grandmother's story. My grandmother never got to read the book, so receiving this beautiful note from her best friend meant so much to me," Kalb says.

Film rights for "Nobody Will Tell You This But Me" were optioned by Sight Unseen Pictures. Kalb has written the screenplay and is part of the movie's casting process. "It is surreal trying to find people to portray yourself and the real people in your life on the big screen. It's the weirdest feeling, like I am floating above myself and watching my life unfold as I listen to actors reading my words," she says.

Kalb urges people who still have their parents and grandparents in their lives to keep talking to them, asking questions and listening to their stories. She says, "These stories are our history. The stories help us to not only learn about the past but to understand ourselves better."

She continues, "We may have already heard of all these stories, but there is always more to learn, so continue to ask questions and listen to the details."

While Kalb is grateful for her time with her grandmother, she still misses her every day. "I talk about her all the time, especially with my kids," says Kalb. "I will tell them stories about her. When we can't find a parking spot, I'll tell them to 'ask Grandma Bobby' to help us. I want to keep her present in their lives even if she isn't physically here."

Randi Mazzella is a freelance writer specializing in a wide range of topics from parenting to pop culture to life after 50. She is a mother of three grown children and lives in New Jersey with her husband.  Read more of her work on randimazzella.com. Read More