The Top 40 of My Adolescence Now Playing in Aisle 5
'Modern Love' by David Bowie in the produce section? Oh, the humanity.
I have a huge confession to make. I'm not big on shopping at the grocery store.
My husband is happy to do it because he can stick to a list. I, however, can't. But, trust me, that's a story for another time.
There are those rare occasions when I must venture into the land of produce, meats and frozen foods. Recently, I needed to head to one for the sole purpose of purchasing some green peppers for a dish I was making for dinner — stuffed peppers.
"Modern love walks beside me ... "
I only needed six. I could stick to that. It wasn't like I was going to come home with 72. I mean, I won't do that again.
But I digress.
While I was looking over all the peppers — because, let's face it, unless it's an emergency, we all have to pick over each one — I realized that I was singing to myself.
"Modern love walks beside me…"
Not an Earworm
Oh. My. God. I was singing, "Modern Love" by musical icon David Bowie.
For a brief moment, I thought I just had an earworm — one of those songs that gets stuck in your head. You know how that is — you hear a song a day or so before, and then you catch yourself singing it later.
But I wasn't that lucky. I listened closely. And that's when I heard it — one of my worst nightmares had come true.
It should be playing in my car radio when I'm driving around on a warm spring day with the windows open, the music blasting.
A DAVID BOWIE SONG WAS PLAYING ON THE STORE'S SOUND SYSTEM!
How could this fabulous song by David Bowie be the song of choice at my local grocery store? This song is cool! It should be playing in my car radio when I'm driving around on a warm spring day with the windows open, the music blasting, feeling so alive.
That's when I realized that this song is now 40 years old!
I looked it up quickly on my phone, hoping against hope that this couldn't be true.
But it was. The song was the first release from Bowie's album "Let's Dance," and it came out on April 14, 1983.
Transported Back in Time
While listening, I was transported back in time to when I was 15 years old. On a Saturday, I walked into my childhood home after driving around for two of the six hours I needed — most likely scaring the heck out of my instructor — in order to take the test to get my driver's license. (Were any of us really ready to drive that young? Today, 15-year-olds look like babies to me.)
I put on the TV, which had three channels at that time, and saw the video for "Modern Love." Although many of my friends had cable TV, I lived in Baltimore City, and that didn't come to us until closer to the end of that decade.
That's when I realized the worst part of all. This song was now considered an "oldie."
A show featuring music videos was playing. There was Bowie in all his glory wearing a flowing, linen suit — big in the 1980s — and moving in slow motion up to a microphone to begin singing one of my favorite songs of the time.
And now, here was that same rockin' song playing overhead while I looked at produce.
AT THE GROCERY STORE!
That's when I realized the worst part of all. This song was now considered an "oldie."
I think that's when I started to hyperventilate.
Oldies were the songs of my mom's generation. I remember going to the grocery store with her, and while I wasn't thrilled with the music, she would be be-bopping around to tunes like "Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley and the Comets, or "All I Want to Do is Dream" by The Everly Brothers, or even storyteller songs by Harry Chapin or Jim Croce.
My songs couldn't be playing in places like the grocery store. They play in cool places like the skating rink, and the prom and on a vinyl record in my bedroom.
That's when it really hit me: I'm now of a certain age.
I'm not going to say "old" because I believe it's often used in a negative sense. I prefer wise. I'm of the wise age who is now hearing her favorite hits in the grocery store.
So I did what I always do when I freak out — I called my husband.
Of a Certain Age
"Guess what music is playing in the grocery store?" I sputtered.
Okay, now that would have truly been my worst fear realized — David Bowie's "Modern Love," the Muzak version.
"Muzak?" he quipped.
Okay, now that would have truly been my worst fear realized — David Bowie's "Modern Love," the Muzak version. I began to break into a cold sweat.
"No!" I shouted, not caring who was around me at this horrible moment. "It's David Bowie's 'Modern Love!'"
"That's great! You love that song," he replied.
Oh, the humanity. How could my spouse, my love, my partner in crime, not understand what was happening? Did I even know him anymore?
"Maybe it was a mistake," he said. "See what the next song is."
I waited, hoping against hope that it would be a song from long ago.
The song came on. It was "Whip It," by Devo.
I'm never going to the grocery store again.
