Feeling the Spirit of Someone Who Has Died

Four days after my father died, I sat shiva in my home. Shiva is a Jewish ritual that allows friends to stop in to give their condolences after someone has passed away.

I felt overwhelmed when I heard the first guests arrive. I excused myself and went upstairs to my son's room. It had been an emotional few days. I wasn't sure I had the strength to return downstairs and speak with people. I felt too tired and drained. As I stood by my son's desk, my eyes felt drawn to the bulletin board on his wall. Pinned to the board was a note my dad wrote several years ago to his grandson.

Why had I gone to that room in the house, and what had pulled me to look up at the bulletin board? It felt like a sign from my dad. Reading the note, a sense of peace came over me. I gathered myself and returned downstairs to the support that awaited me.

Before that moment, I never considered myself a person who believed in mysticism. I had never gone to a séance, used a Ouija board or had my palms or Tarot cards read. And yet, I truly believed that my late father had reached out to me. Was it possible?

Psychic medium Kelly Dillon went to see a psychic herself after her father and best friend passed away within six months of each other. "When I went to see her, she explained that I had my own divine gifts, and later that year, those gifts were fully awakened," says Dillon. "Instead of only seeing things with my two eyes, I was able to tap into my third eye, the one that can feel the spirits of those who have moved on to a different realm."

For Dillon, the ability to connect people with their deceased ones is very fulfilling. She says, "Losing someone is difficult. The grief can be unbearable, especially if there is guilt or unresolved issues. Speaking to someone who has died can help a person to heal."

While visiting with a psychic medium can be therapeutic, Dillon believes all people have the ability to tune into their third eye. She explains, "It can be as simple as asking a loved one for a sign like a rainbow or a certain number. Or, you can make it more difficult and suggest a more obscure sign. It may take a day, a week, or even longer, but it will happen if you are open to it."

It is also possible for a deceased loved one to come to you in a dream. "Don't get discouraged if you want to speak to someone, but they don't come right away," explains Dillon. "They may not yet have the energy to come in dream form, as it takes some time."

As for skeptics, Dillon believes that most have unhealed hearts. "They may not be ready to open themselves up just yet," she says. "I don't judge. I think everyone has their own journey and path, and those who aren't yet open to their spirituality have some healing work to do."

"There is no scientific evidence that it is possible to connect with someone who has died," says Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine and host of the "How Can I Help?" podcast. "As a mental health expert, I view speaking to the dead as a defense mechanism, a way of coping with grief by telling yourself that the person is still present."

Using a defense mechanism isn't necessarily dangerous and can even be helpful, according to Saltz. "Religion isn't based in science either. But you can use prayer and a belief that your loved one is in a better place to help you through the grieving process," she says."Believing you can connect with someone who has passed can also bring relief."

The brain is very powerful. "It can be easy to convince ourselves that a person we love is trying to talk to us from beyond, especially if we miss them and want to believe they aren't totally gone to us," says Saltz.

"There is nothing wrong with believing you can connect with a deceased loved one unless it interferes with the ability of someone to process grief and loss," explains Saltz. "If you cannot accept that the person has died or you use your energy to connect with someone who has passed instead of cultivating relationships in the present, that is a problem. "

Saltz refers to "complicated grief," where a person stays stuck in grief for an extended period and cannot move forward. "Unfortunately, there are people willing to spend a lot of time and thousands of dollars visiting psychics," says Saltz. "And those will prey on these people's grief for profit."

Dillon concurs with Saltz's concerns. "I have had clients who want to come to me every week, which worries me," says Dillon. "Speaking to people who have died should be a tool in processing grief and helping you to move forward."

Dillon continues, "The dead do not want us to continue to be sad and mourn them. They want us to be happy and live a life of joy. They are watching us in the big moments and more mundane. They see everything."

In an interview with journalist Luke Russert, author of "Look for Me There," he spoke about spending years trying to connect with his father, journalist and "Meet the Press" host Tim Russert, who died suddenly when Luke was in his early 20s.

"After he passed away, I missed him and wanted to talk to him about many things. It took me a long time, but I realized that after all the conversations we had when he was alive, I knew what he would say. It helped me in my grief when I realized I could still talk to him even if he wasn't physically here," says Luke.  

"We all fear death and crave immortality," says Saltz. "Being able to 'feel' a loved one, either hear their voice because we know what they would say or have them come to us in a dream, it helps us to hold onto their memory and in that sense allows them to live on in us."

Dillon takes it further, saying, "When someone dies, their physical body is no longer present, but their energy or soul is still here. We have to be open to feeling it."

I can't say that my father was speaking to me or reaching out when I saw his letter. I do know that I was grieving and wanted to feel his presence. Believing that I did helped me to feel better and less alone.

Randi Mazzella is a freelance writer specializing in a wide range of topics from parenting to pop culture to life after 50. She is a mother of three grown children and lives in New Jersey with her husband.  Read more of her work on randimazzella.com. Read More