How to Date and Mate After 50, From the Host of 'Jewish Matchmaking'

When it comes to dating, mating, love and romance, there are a variety of methods to help you get out of your own way and safely find success in what can be a complicated undertaking – especially if you're over 50.

Hit Netflix shows like "Jewish Matchmaking" and "Indian Matchmaking" have only stoked public interest in topics like upping your game, understanding the pitfalls of dating and doing all of this with your eyes wide open.

Aleeza Ben Shalom, the host of "Jewish Matchmaking" and a dating coach with nearly 20 years of experience, helps her clients, Netflix viewers and large groups who gather to hear her speak about how to navigate the world of dating. Her guidance applies to a variety of circumstances too, whether someone is approaching dating on their own or with the help of friends and family, dating sites and/or an experienced matchmaker.

The mother of five is able to travel the globe for her speaking engagements because of the support of her loving husband of 21 years, Gershon Ben Shalom, whose close friends and family members call "the definite lid to Aleeza's pot."

Some of our grandmas used to say that at any age, "there's more than a lid for every pot." Ben Shalom believes in just one lid at a time. "This is how soulmates work," she said. "I have matched people from ages 19 to 88; there is always a possibility for you to meet your special someone."

She is quick to share that finding love is difficult at any age and that as you get older, there can be additional "baggage" to consider such as grown children, grandchildren, family members who don't approve, health issues, finances and being able to blend two lifestyles.

"Almost anything is easier than finding your person," she explains. "It's about bringing two completely different worlds together and saying, 'We are going to make this work.'"

Rachelle Savitz, now 58, was a widow when Aleeza Ben Shalom invited her and another friend, Larry Ellis, to a Shabbat (Friday night) dinner in suburban Philadelphia in 2007. Rachelle said she had no interest in dating, let alone being married again.

Larry, now 70, was on the heels of a difficult divorce and felt the same way. Both of them reluctantly went to the home of Ben Shalom and her supportive husband, Gershon, but fate had other plans.

"The first thing I noticed about Larry is that he seemed like he was an extremely kind person," explains Rachelle. "He was easy to talk to and kept the conversation going. He was interested in me and my being an engineer, and our twelve-year age difference did not bother him."

Larry says that Rachelle is a good listener with a very positive attitude. "I was reluctant to consider dating at first, but I believe that no one should be alone in this world. It was bashert (meant to be or intended in Yiddish). Two women (and two men) were invited to dinner that memorable night and I immediately gravitated toward Rachelle."

This doesn't mean that their love story felt like a romance novel. Rachelle's daughter was 14 when the couple met and 15 when they got married. "It had been the two of us for six years and she wanted me to wait until she graduated from high school," explains Rachelle. "I knew that I would have to walk a tightrope between the two of them, so it was tricky, but I was sure that Larry was the right person. If it is important to you, you find a way."

Larry and Rachelle have been happily married for 15 years, and hope that everyone who is looking is able to find their special someone.

"The key to a successful marriage is the ability to change as you go through life together. Neither of you will be the same person five or ten years down the road as you are today," explains Larry. "Understand that things are going to change. Health issues or work problems may come up and you need the ability to adapt to unforeseen things and look to new beginnings."

For Rachelle, this all boils down to trust. "It is even more important than loving each other. When I realized early on that I could trust Larry, I knew that I could marry him," she says.

Ben Shalom says that the idea of the Shabbat dinner match is to take the pressure off a blind date, and she is thrilled with the results with Rachelle and Larry Ellis. "Matching them is the best feeling in the world; they are the sweetest couple," she says.

Many people find the idea of a matchmaker extremely old-fashioned and have images of the old lady in the 1964 Broadway musical "Fiddler on the Roof," which became a hit movie in 1971. But Ben Shalom brought this ancient practice back into vogue many years ago. To date, she has proudly been responsible for more than 200 matches.

On her Netflix series "Jewish Matchmaking," she asks numerous questions and takes copious notes to discover exactly what the singles are looking for in a prospective life partner, and sprinkles in some prayer, magic and luck.

The conversations with the singles who are looking for love, romance and marriage focus on chemistry, connection, attraction, values, likes and dislikes, commitment and working to make dating less stressful.

Ben Shalom likes to say, "When in doubt, go out. If it's not a definite no, it's a yes for now. Date differently and give them a chance. Anyone can stick two people together," Ben Shalom explains during the first episode. "The question is, how do they stay together for a lifetime?"

While Rachelle and Larry went forward with their relationship in spite of their baggage, some women and men over 50 shy away from dipping their toes in the dating pool because of it. Grandchildren, debt, wealth, health problems or intrusive family members are likelier issues when you're over 50.

So, does that preclude the match or the happily ever after?

Ben Shalom says that just because there are different considerations now as opposed to when you you were going through dating and mating rituals for the first time, you don't have to put the kibosh on finding love.

"You just have to understand that it's different. I think as we get older, we have to evaluate more than just personality; it's also about values, fears, who they are, what they want and all the baggage that comes along with this relationship, which may be the second or third in your life."

When it comes to red flags, she talks to everyone about what to look out for, "but even more so when it comes to those over fifty."

"The questions to ask are: what have they dealt with before? What has been significant for them? What have they missed before? What are the issues or the challenges that they've had? And how can we [my match-making team] help them to not make those same mistakes again?"

Ben Shalom said that as a group, people over 50 are more willing to be matched and marry than those in their 20s and 30s. "People in their 20s get the most attention and help with finding their match," she explains. "Then it starts to dip down from there, and there is less support the older you get. Even when it comes to the online sites, a lot of them are marketing to the younger singles."

For people over 50, Ben Shalom explains that support is key — from matchmakers; programs that offer speed dating, online, or in-person help; or from friends and family.

"My team and I have worked really hard to create programs that include [people over 50] and to take into consideration that some 50s date down, some 50s date the same, and then some date up, so it kind of depends on their preference," she says. "But everywhere we go this group is very happy to have all different kinds of programming."

Ben Shalom has her eyes on a book, continues her matchmaking coaching business "Marriage Minded Mentor," and would love a second season of her hit Netflix show, or a different reality show that helps people find their special someone, as long as the project is something she considers meaningful.

She has been touring the world on a speaking tour with her program called "Live Matchmaking with Aleeza Ben Shalom," which starts with her doing a monologue and continues with an unfiltered Q-and-A with the audience. The last part is live matchmaking, which she brings up two men and two women in different age brackets.

"I tell the audience I'm going to train you because I'm training an army of matchmakers across the world," she says. "You are going to join Aleeza's army and we're going to help to do matchmaking, and before we leave this room tonight, we're going to match these people on stage. I'm not going to do it; we're going to do it. And then we get to know them, by interviewing. We talk about values, politics, religion and more."

Before the evening ends, the audience members are asked if they have an idea of a match for someone at the end, and they swap phone numbers.

"Recently, I got a call from a man in Arizona who said, "Thanks for picking me and putting me on stage. I found my person and I'm dating them. This was just simply wonderful."

In addition to the sold-out venues at college campuses and other major venues, Ben Shalom has been receiving a myriad of accolades. These include being named one of The Jerusalem Post's "50 Most Influential People," and being featured in The Wall Street Journal in an article entitled "Orthodox Jews Are Finally Having Their Pop Culture Moment."

Her goal for the future is a lofty one. "I want to change the world. My philosophy is that world peace begins at home. So, we have to start with a home, we have to start with a couple, and we have to bring people together," she says. "When we do that, we can build homes, and build communities, and you can't do this without each of us helping each other."

1. Dating is difficult. It's supposed to be this way. Don't expect it to be easy because you will be let down every single time. It's hard to find your soulmate. Life is a challenge; dating is even more of a challenge. Just go into it with an open mind and make love happen.

2. Are you flexible with location? Be clear if you are willing to move if you find the right person. If it is not, it does limit you, but it's okay to limit yourself if you know your restrictions.

3. Do consider a pre-nuptial agreement if you have children. If you have people and money to allocate in certain ways, it is extremely important that these issues are discussed.

4. For online dating, mix it up. Change your photos every three months and consider hiring a professional photographer. Because of the algorithm, you don't want to look and sound the same each time. You need to keep looking and sounding different to draw new people in.

5. Don't wait for the magic; make the magic. When you need help, reach out. If you need support, seek it out. Don't think that one day it will just magically happen. Things don't happen that way.

6. Be hopeful and never give up. Your person exists. They are in this world. Even if you previously had a soulmate, you always have the opportunity to meet and marry a new soulmate at any age. The oldest person I helped to match was 88; so keep trying.

7. Look for a high-quality person, because the inside never wrinkles. Be open to slow growth because not all relationships 'pop and sparkle' like we aspire to have them.

Debra Wallace is a multi-award-winning professional journalist, author, editor, social media/web content provider, and autism advocate with 20+ years of experience. She regularly contributes to Parade.com, Orlando Family Fun, South Jersey, Monsters & Critics, Delaware Today, and several other print and digital publications. Her expertise includes celebrity profiles, entertainment, local heroes, health/wellness, special needs parenting, and autism advocacy. Wallace is a devoted single mother to her 18-year-old son, Adam. Read More