Valerie Bertinelli Wants You To Indulge in All Life Offers
Valerie Bertinelli, actress and Food Network host, talks to Next Avenue about her new cookbook, 'Indulge,' and how she’s finally learned to love life
It's hard to believe that it's been nearly 50 years since TV audiences were first introduced to Valerie Bertinelli. In 1975, the then-15-year-old was cast as Barbara Cooper on the long-running CBS sitcom "One Day at a Time." Over the course of the series' nine-season run, Bertinelli gained legions of fans, won two Golden Globe Awards, starred in several TV movies and miniseries, and married legendary guitar player Eddie Van Halen. She also began a very public battle with her weight — one that would continue well into middle age.
In her 2022 New York Times bestselling memoir, "Enough Already," the former Jenny Craig spokeswoman described her desire to end this decades-long struggle, writing that she wanted to "set aside landmines of denial, negativity, and self-hate" and find joy from within, rather than focusing on a number on the scale. Spurred by the recent deaths of her mother, father, and Van Halen (whom she remained close with after their 2007 divorce), "Enough Already" was Bertinelli's attempt to begin a new chapter — one filled with peace, gratitude, and self-love. Little did she know, life wasn't going to let her off that easily.
"Instead of judging myself, I'm doing my best to be more compassionate for what I was going through and what I learned through it."
Referring to the past two years as "probably some of the most difficult years of my life," Bertinelli went through an emotionally exhausting, contentious divorce from her second husband, Tom Vitale. To take her mind off of things, she began to work on a new cookbook — a hefty collection of recipes covering everything from condiments and snacks to main courses and desserts. With the same abiding passion for cooking she's displayed as the Emmy Award-winning host of Food Network's "Valerie's Home Cooking," she created and tested various options for the book, while also writing essays about her thoughts on love, grief, forgiveness, family and her evolving relationship with food.
The finished product, "Indulge: Delicious and Decadent Dishes to Enjoy and Share," is more than a cookbook. It also serves as a glimpse into where Bertinelli is in her life today. "I spent way too many years beating myself up," she tells Next Avenue. "If I'm lucky, I've got about 20, 25 years left of my life. I'm not going to f--k it up by beating myself up for the rest of my life. I'm going to start indulging in my life. I deserve all the joy that I can grab in my life. Everybody deserves that! Every single solitary person in this world deserves that."
From her home, Bertinelli spoke with Next Avenue over a video call about all that brought her to this point and her excitement for the years ahead.
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
Next Avenue: In your most recent memoir, you wrote about grief, about entering your sixties, and about trying to let go of behaviors that no longer served you. You'd literally had "enough already." But since the publication of that book you've gone through some big life changes. Can you share a bit about where you were in life then and where you are now, as you release "Indulge"?
Valerie Bertinelli: I wrote "Enough Already" while I was still dealing with the grief of Ed [Van Halen] and my parents passing. And I knew I was in a relationship that was dead on arrival at this point. I was grappling with a lot of stuff while I wrote that book. Part of me was like, "Oof. Why did I do that?" Because it's just so raw. But a very dear friend told me [to take] judgment out of how I behaved in the past and the experiences that I was having, because I was doing the best that I could at that time. Instead of judging myself, I'm doing my best to be more compassionate for what I was going through and what I learned through it.
While I was writing "Enough Already" and when I started to write "Indulge," I was going through a metamorphosis of learning how to truly love myself as I am. My character is not defined by my body; my character is who I am and how I treat people and how much I can love. And I have a lot of love in my heart. I want to start giving that to myself, as well. So I was going through that entire process of learning that I am enough, and that I'm allowed to indulge in all the joys of my life. Because I've denied so much in my life. I have been taught to restrict myself so much in my life. I have been judged for my body, for the way I look. The business I was in was not helpful — being a spokesperson for Jenny Craig was not helpful to my emotional health. So I learned how to deal with my emotional health through these last two years, and through that I was writing "Indulge." I started to feel like I was coming out and I wanted to share everything with everybody. There are essays in [the book] that touch on a lot of what I was going through, but this is definitely more about indulging in the joys of your life. Food is a big part of that, obviously, because we need to nourish our bodies.
I was looking over the titles of your books — "Finding It," "Losing It," "Enough Already," and now "Indulge." It's like each serves as a snapshot of where you are in life.
Yeah. Someone sent me an interview that I did in 2022 on the "Today Show." And I was like, "Oh, I can't watch that." Because what I remember is how much immense pain I was in and how I felt like I was drowning and I forgot how to swim. It's hard for me to look at that. But I think it's also helpful to see how far I've come.
"Certain people — and I'm one of them — have food in their toolbox to deal with emotions that [they] just don't want to deal with."
You write in "Indulge" that you've stopped seeing foods as either good or bad, and you've stopped punishing yourself for 'cheating.'
Yeah, because there's no such thing as bad food. Food is there to nourish our body. I used to think bananas were bad because there's too many carbs in them. It's a f--king banana! Eat the banana, it's good for you! It's got potassium, it's got vitamins, there's nutrients in it. Apples were bad on some diets. One of my favorite snacks is an apple and crunchy peanut butter. I can dip it right out of the jar because I live alone. It's really f--king fun. [Laughs] The food isn't what's bad. I mean, obviously, there's the scientific facts — you eat too much, you're gonna gain weight. But there's such a huge emotional factor to it, and certain people — and I'm one of them — have food in their toolbox to deal with emotions that [they] just don't want to deal with. But until I dealt with those emotions and walked through all the pain and the grief that I was feeling, I wasn't going to change. Nothing about my life was going to change until I felt the feelings and stopped trying to numb them.
It's very easy to have a day where one says 'enough already' and feels really good about themselves, but the next day they're back to beating themselves up over everything they eat. Have you found a way to avoid falling into that trap?
Not every day. It's challenging work to love yourself. It's challenging work to know that you're enough. It helps to have beautiful friends around you that remind you how lovable you are. But sometimes even that doesn't sink in. We have to find it within ourselves. It's helped me to look back at that little girl that didn't feel totally loved unless she was performing perfectly, unless she was making sure everybody else was happy first, unless she did everything correctly and didn't make mistakes. That little girl needs to be heard. I've squashed her down a million and one times. When you start listening to that child within you that didn't get heard, that starts to help ease that, because she is good enough. She needs grace. She needs compassion.
"Food doesn't have an emotion. It's there to feed you."
Isn't it amazing how all of that stuff that happened in our childhood follows us through our lives?
It's truly amazing when you start to dig in, because here I'm thinking I'm recovering from a terrible marriage. No, everything in my life led me to a terrible marriage. The marriage isn't what broke me; it was that I wasn't dealing with everything in my life that was slowly breaking me and slowly drowning me.
Did this evolution in how you think about food change the way you cook?
Yes! I indulge in it. And honestly, whether it's a frozen pizza or I make the pizza dough myself, it's the intention that I put in it. It's about nourishing myself. It's about indulging in whatever I want to indulge in that day, whether it be a quinoa salad or a frozen pizza. Nothing is wrong, nothing is bad. It's how I feel, what do I want?
You said after "Enough Already" that you'd never write another memoir. But even though "Indulge" is a cookbook, it's memoir-lite. You write about the ending of your second marriage, grappling with forgiveness, your relationship with food. Did you go into this project knowing you wanted to share those aspects of your life?
No. I thought, 'I'm gonna take my mind off all the drama and I'm just gonna write a really fun cookbook because I'm so loving cooking, and I'm so enjoying coming up with these recipes and working with the team that I get to work with when I work on these books.' And then [the essays] just started. I think our relationship with food is so important because sometimes it is used in our toolbox of dealing with grief or pain. Some people's is alcohol, some people's is sex, some's gambling, whatever it may be. It's time to empty the toolbox and just feel the feelings. I started to feel that as I was working with food, because I had a lot of chicken thigh recipes in [the book]. Chicken thighs are super flavorful, but I was always told, 'Oh, no, always get the white meat because it's less fattening.' But this tastes so good! So no more, 'No, no, no, this isn't good for you.' It's all good for you. It's all nourishing your body. It's all about what value, emotionally, you give food. Food doesn't have an emotion. It's there to feed you.
When you're not Valerie Bertinelli, famous actress, but you're just Val at home—
I'm always just Val at home. I'm never a famous actress.
People still think of you as a famous actress whether or not you see it that way.
That always gets me. Like, what?? I— But I'm not! [Laughs]
So when you're at home on your own, what is your go-to meal?
"I wish I was a better baker. Sometimes the science of it doesn't compute in my brain because my artistic brain takes over."
Depends on what I'm in the mood for. Gelson's [grocery store] sells this two-pack of salmon already in a dish that you can bake in. I can't go to bed with a messy kitchen, so I try to make the mess as minimal as possible. This already comes in a pan and I'll make this miso teriyaki marinade to put over it with a bunch of chopped garlic and chopped ginger. It's really flavorful. I'll just put it in the air fryer for, I don't know, 9-10 minutes, depending on how big the pieces of salmon are, and I can eat that for probably three days with some rice. Or I'll stir-fry some veggies, or I'll chop up a cucumber and a radish salad and put some more of the dressing on that. [Sometimes] I'm really in the mood for a ribeye. I love ribeyes. There's something about a ribeye I just absolutely adore. I'll make that a couple times a month. I'll sear it super, super fast on a grill pan or in a skillet. Then I can either put it on a sandwich or I can take a couple bites, and it's good for three, four days.
Are there any meals that you struggle with or anything that you'd like to improve upon?
I wish I was a better baker. Sometimes the science of it doesn't compute in my brain because my artistic brain takes over. I tried so hard to keep a sourdough alive. I killed it every single time. I was able to get crackers out of it at one point. I even toyed with taking baking classes. If I really immerse myself into something I know I can get good at it, I just haven't done that. I have this slight fear because my grandmother and my mother made it look so easy. That's why I have so many bread recipes in "Indulge," because I want to push myself.
"I truly believe I need to live every moment as it happens, because that's where the joy is. I'm so looking forward to the rest of my life."
Is there a particular recipe in this book, either because of the meal itself or because of its personal connection to you, that is a favorite?
That's always so hard. [Flips through the book.] I just went by the Lazy No-Bake Lasagna. I wish I'd been able to teach this to my mom, because my mom was one of those women that was in the kitchen all the time. I like to come up with shortcuts of things that I've known how to do for a long time, just to make everybody's life easier. I want people to know that I make it look easy because it is easy. I've done the recipe for you; [my recipe developer] Sophie Clark has done the testing for you. These are going to work. Just follow the directions and you're gonna get an amazing meal.
You write in the book, 'I'm done with expecting joy to come to me. Every day I get out of bed intent on finding it.' Having gone through so much over the past decade, what are the things that bring you joy at this stage in your life?
Besides my son? Because I could go on for an hour about that. I just adore the man he's become. I'm so filled with peace and joy when I see that he has found his forever person. His wife is so magical and lovely, and they're so perfect together. I could not be any happier. So of course, my son and his life bring me joy. But I also know that I am an individual and I have my own life. I like finding joy in taking my dog for a walk. Laying with [my cat], Batman, next to me. The little things. When I make a perfect cup of coffee in the morning — oh my God that makes me so flippin' happy! Being with my girlfriends. I truly believe I need to live every moment as it happens, because that's where the joy is. I'm so looking forward to the rest of my life.
I didn't think I would ask this about a cookbook, but this is so much more than just a collection of recipes. What do you want readers to get out of this book?
Thank you for seeing that because I really wanted that to come across. What I really want them to do is stop labeling food good or bad and start indulging in food. Indulge in your life, indulge in your family, indulge in your friends, which are found family. Indulge in anything that makes you happy and stop feeling guilty about it.
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