What image comes to mind when you think of caregiving? The answer is typically a middle-aged woman. Daughters usually step in as the primary caregiver when parents need care. Women still shoulder most caregiving responsibilities, but men today increasingly play a more significant role.
"Research is mixed on whether male caregivers help with tasks that are considered less nurturing, but there's growing evidence that caregiving responsibilities are becoming less gendered."A 2020 report by AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC) estimates that male caregivers represent about 40% of the 53 million caregivers nationwide. In addition, many experts predict that men will increasingly get more involved as caregiving transcends traditional gender norms. 
Male caregivers represent about 40% of the 53 million caregivers nationwide. 
"Men are more willing to step up and get involved," says Dr. Barry Jacobs, a Philadelphia-area clinical psychologist, family therapist and health care consultant. "There's also a societal shift happening where it's less of a shock when a man does the caregiving."
You'll likely see more female speakers and women in the audience at caregiver conferences, but that is slowly changing. "Over the past few years, I've started to see more men participate in meetings, share their experiences, and recognize their role to care for loved ones in need," according to Aaron Blight, founder of Caregiving Kinetics and a former caregiver to his mother-in-law who suffered from cognitive decline related to a brain tumor.
The Better Life Lab, the work-family justice and gender equity program at the New America Foundation, studied the experiences of 2,966 men as fathers and caregivers. The research showed that many men value care and caregiving and think it's as important as paid work. Moreover, contrary to conventional wisdom, most men say caregiving work is rewarding.
Another key research finding was that men needed and wanted time off from work for caregiving responsibilities in the same ratio as women. "Men were less likely to do so only if they had paid leave," says the Better Life Lab director Brigid Schulte. 
"Women, in contrast, were forced to take leaves, whether paid or unpaid, because, without the support of their partners, someone had to take time off work to provide care."
Recognize Gender Differences
There are many similarities between male and female caregivers regarding the feelings they experience, like frustration, loneliness, grief, guilt and lots of stress. However, one significant difference is that men find it harder to open up about their feelings or can be less likely to admit emotional stress and are more likely to experience symptoms of depression. 
"Unlike female caregivers, men are not seeking professional help to cope with caregiving," says Jacobs, the primary caregiver for seven years to his mom, who had vascular dementia, and a stepfather diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
"There's also a societal shift happening where it's less of a shock when a man does the caregiving."
Men and women share similar responsibilities in terms of household duties, but they handle them in different ways. "Male caregivers often times focus more on tasks as they do in their jobs," says Monika Lopez-Anuarbe, who led research that examined the role of male caregivers at the Connecticut College in New London. 
"Research is mixed on whether male caregivers help with tasks that are considered less nurturing, but there's growing evidence that caregiving responsibilities are becoming less gendered," notes Lopez-Anuarbe. 
Men are generally more uncomfortable handling personal care issues like bathing, dressing, diapering and toileting, and are less involved in helping with medications. As a result, they often seek assistance from paid help and home health aides. For example, according to the AARP-NAC report, 24% of male caregivers helped a loved one get dressed compared to 28% of female caregivers, and 16% of male caregivers helped with bathing versus 30% of females.
The stereotypes that distinguish men as being less emotional, less connected with friends and wanting to fix and control things often translate into how they approach their unique role as caregivers, says Beverly Kidder, Ph.D., the author of "The Gift of Caregiving." 
"Men are more comfortable with action-oriented caregiving than relationship-type caregiving," she explains. "They like having a to-do list and getting tasks done rather than sitting around talking."
Embrace New Roles
As men take on caregiving roles, there are sure to be new responsibilities that they will need to learn. In addition, men often feel caught off guard in their caregiving roles, especially if their spouse has assumed the lion's share of the more personal aspects of childcare or caring for an elderly parent or relative, says Monica Moreno, senior director of care and support at the Alzheimer's Association.
Dale Hershey, who cares for his wife Martha, who has disabilities, remembers feeling unprepared when his wife could not handle the household responsibilities. "We own a second house that we rent out to guests, and putting the finishing touches with decorating and buying curtains and bedspreads was really new to me," Hershey says. 
Many people who find themselves in caregiving roles come to it with many questions and are forced to take on new roles. Men are more willing to delegate work to others, explains Kidder. "Male caregivers don't feel like failures when they bring in help and instead think they are fixing something."
"Men are more comfortable with action-oriented caregiving than relationship-type caregiving." 
Hershey has hired a cleaning person to take care of the house. That frees him up to focus on caring for his wife and still manage his full-time job running a seventh-generation farm in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.
Men stereotypically don't like to ask for directions. Still, it's essential for men to ask for help regarding caregiving, says Marty Schreiber, former Wisconsin governor during the late 70s and a caregiver to his wife Elaine, who lived with Alzheimer's disease for 22 years until she died in 2022. "So many of us [men] say we can handle it, but I try to help other caregivers understand that it takes courage to ask for help."
Take Care of Self
Whether it's with a close relative, friend or neighbor, it's essential to talk about the emotions of caregiving, experts recommend. While it's not for everyone, more male caregivers are turning to support groups – both online and in-person.
"The thought of joining a support group did not appeal to me," admits Schreiber, who wrote about his caregiving experience in his book, "My Two Elaines." "It's one of my greatest regrets as I look back. I missed out on the genuine support offered by others to cope with the emotional pain."
Through the experiences of their peers, support group members learn how to develop coping methods and are encouraged to make their own personal, physical and emotional health a priority, says Moreno. "Caregivers can learn from other members best practices of caring for their loved one and what to expect down the road as their loved one's disease progresses. It is important that caregivers know they are not alone."
The Alzheimer's Association has heard from its members that there's a need for more male support groups. So it has created several across the country in Florida, Illinois, Massachusetts, Missouri, North Carolina, New York, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin (to find a local support group, go to alz.org/crf).
"Having a safe space to share their experience with other men in the same situation can be helpful," adds Moreno. "They are able to share common challenges and learn how others are addressing them, which can lead to new approaches and new ways of thinking in their roles as caregivers."
About six years ago, Hershey joined a support group of men and women in his area. "It made a huge difference for me in connecting with others who can relate to what I'm going through. I've made lifelong friends that I wouldn't have made if I hadn't joined the group."


Breaking Gender Barriers: The Role of Male Caregivers

Paul Wynn

Almost daily since March, I read a new headline about how the COVID-19 pandemic is pushing working mothers to their breaking point — and it is. However, it's not just working mothers who are impacted. Working daughters balancing elder care and career are, too.
Women have historically shouldered a greater share of domestic responsibilities (housework and caregiving) than men and this inequity coupled with the pandemic is creating a perfect storm for working women.
Data backs this up. Four times more women than men — an estimated 865,000 — left the workforce in September, according to an analysis of U.S. Department of Labor statistics by the National Women's Law Center. But the headlines only tell part of the story.
Elder Care Duties in the Pandemic
Certainly, school closures and the resulting remote learning scenarios are not conducive to going to work, or even working from home. But neither is caring for a parent in the middle of a pandemic that has gravely affected people over 65.
When it comes to women, work and COVID-19, why are we only telling part of the story? Working daughters are also at a breaking point.
It's not just child care centers that have closed down. So have adult day health centers. And since many older parents aging at home have cancelled in-home services for fear of exposure to the virus, adult daughters are picking up the slack.
Working daughters often find they need to switch to a less demanding job, take time off or quit work altogether to make time for caregiving duties.
Helping a Parent With Dementia
Senior living facilities have restricted visitation for more than six months prompting many women to bring their parent home rather than watch their mother or father decline in isolation.
If you think it's challenging to work while supervising Zoom-based elementary school classes, can you imagine caring for someone with dementia round-the-clock while you're trying to show up for work?
The same number of women are caring for parents as are raising children (roughly 23 million) and yet most of our focus regarding working women is on workers who are parents, not workers with parents. We must solve for both.
Research has shown that working daughters, like working mothers, often find they need to switch to a less demanding job, take time off or quit work altogether to make time for their caregiving duties. As a result, they suffer loss of wages and risk losing job-related benefits such as health insurance, retirement savings and Social Security benefits.  A study from MetLife and the National Alliance for Caregiving calculated that women lose an average of $324,044 in compensation due to caregiving.
The First National Working Daughters Day
As the founder of WorkingDaughter.com, I helped create the first National Working Daughters Day, which is Tuesday, November 17, 2020 and part of National Family Caregivers Month. It's a day to honor and recognize the millions of women providing unpaid care to aging and ill parents and family members.
If we are going to support working daughters, we need to start by acknowledging them.
We must stop treating elder care as a parenthetical when we mention the challenges of women at work. The recently released 63-page Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.org, billed as the largest comprehensive study of the state of women in corporate America, mentions elder care only once. This kind of thing has to change.   
Beyond acknowledgement, we need to take steps to make career and caregiving compatible.
How Things Need to Change
All family caregivers need flexibility to juggle the demanding needs of work and family responsibilities. That means funding paid family leave policies and expanding eligibility requirements for the leaves of absence.
We also need to hold the new Biden administration accountable to its promise to ease the financial burden of care that families are carrying and invest in the infrastructure of care to make it easier for older relatives to have quality, affordable, home and community-based support.
To be clear, this is a not about supporting one group of workers over another. This is a call to stop ignoring a very real issue.
If we are truly concerned about the plight of working women during the pandemic and beyond, then we must start talking about the impact of elder care on women's careers.


OPINION: Working Daughters Balancing Elder Care Are at Their Breaking Point

Liz O'Donnell

Lori Enzer of Los Angeles and her mom, Linda NewmanFor Janet Harris, 2020 will be remembered as a year of love and caregiving. A year ago, her husband, Alonzo, 74, was diagnosed with prostate cancer and doctors also found a spot on his liver. Having survived two strokes, Alonzo is a fighter. After undergoing two rounds of radiation therapy, the tumor appears to be eliminated.
This hopeful news is much needed. In June, Harris, 58, of Stony Mountain, Ga., found herself laid off from her job with the American Cancer Society after 22 years, given the pandemic's impact on the organization. 
Janet and Alonzo Harris of Stony Mountain, Ga."COVID and caregiving has affected every aspect of my life," says Harris.
The Carer Well-Being Index published by Embracing Carers showed U.S. caregivers are spending an average of nearly eight hours more each week on caregiving duties since the pandemic started. Nearly a third believe they'll spend more than 41 hours caregiving weekly in the new year with the continued challenges of COVID-19. 
"I was surprised that almost one-third of caregivers felt their time would increase that much over the coming months," says Heather Connor, head of global communications Healthcare at Merck KGaA, Darmstadt, Germany, which operates as EMD Serano in the U.S. and Canada and is part of the Embracing Carers consortium of caregiving organizations. "But in light of other study findings, such as changing care responsibilities since COVID, it proves there is even more burden on this overwhelmed population of caregivers." 
First-time Caregivers Have Even More Challenges
The study also found 13% of respondents became caregivers since the pandemic, and that older loved ones are relying more on family caregivers these days. 
This is certainly the case for Sharon Douglas, 62, an event planner in Irvine, Calif. While struggling to keep her business going when the pandemic forced in-person event cancellations, Douglas suddenly found herself caregiving for two men in her life. 
Her father, 86, had beaten prostate cancer 24 years ago, but his urology check-up in May found he had bladder cancer and would need to undergo surgery. While Douglas was caring for him, her husband, David, 65, underwent surgery for a hip replacement. 
4 in 10 caregivers cannot see their older loved one this holiday season.
"I'm the nurse, maid, cook, pill dispenser, physical therapy aid, personal shopper and I run my own business," says Douglas. "The care for my dad and husband coupled with concerns about my business is constant. I'm in the twilight of my career and was planning on a couple more great years before I could slow down and maybe shift into retirement mode. But with my business losses this year due to COVID – I have no events until fall 2021 at the earliest – it means I'll be working harder and longer than I had planned."
Like 74% of the women caregivers surveyed, Douglas said she is fearful of contracting the virus because she doesn't know who would care for her dad and husband. She also has taken on more housework for two households – one of the top three tasks cited by caregivers in the study, along with technology management, such as telehealth and videochatting, and emotional support.
Home Care May Be More Burdensome on Caregivers
In a separate survey conducted by Care.com, the vast majority (93%) of older adults receiving care are concerned about a new wave of infections. And to that end, most caregivers surveyed have sought new care options due to the pandemic. About two-thirds believe home care is currently safer than assisted living or nursing home care.
"The resurgence in COVID-19 cases is an understandable concern for families and our survey showed a majority are considering moving their senior out of facility-based care for safety reasons, prompting over half of them (caregivers) – fifty-seven percent – to shoulder the care responsibilities," says Jill McNamara, director of senior care at Care.com.  
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Safety is a factor, but caregivers may also want to care for their loved ones at home, given the COVID-19 guidelines which limit their ability to visit loved ones in person or disallow it. The Care.com study found 4 in 10 caregivers cannot see their older loved ones this holiday season. In the Embracing Carers study, this has meant most caregivers whose family members feel isolated are providing them with increased emotional support.
Two-thirds of caregivers say the pandemic has worsened their emotional and mental health and COVID-19 has made caregiving harder.
Lori Enzer, 59, who recently retired from a marketing career and lives in Los Angeles, knows all too well about being isolated from older loved ones since COVID-19. Three years ago, Enzer and her sister decided to move her mother, 82, from New York City to be closer to Enzer. 
The Jewish Home for the Aging, a lifeplan community also known as continuing care retirement community (CCRC) with different levels of care on the same campus, was ideal for her mother who has congestive heart failure. It is also now the home for Enzer's dad, 86, who suffers from dementia. Down the street in another community is where Enzer's wheelchair-bound mother-in-law lives. She has not been able to visit with any of them in person since the pandemic began. 
"When we talk on the phone, I've noticed both my mom and my dad don't sound right. I don't think it is COVID, but it is the lack of me being able to visit in person. They aren't worried about COVID, but they also don't realize they are on lockdown," says Enzer.
Financial Strain and Leaving the Workforce
While Janet Harris is an example of the 16% of caregivers surveyed by Embracing Carers who lost their job during the pandemic, more than half of respondents said COVID-19 has worsened their financial health. Diverse caregivers like Harris, who is Black, are more likely than white caregivers to have had their salaries reduced. 
Jason ResendezSome caregivers are also making the decision to cut back on work or leave work entirely to care for loved ones. Jason Resendez, executive director of UsAgainstAlzheimer's Center for Brain Health Equity and a Next Avenue Influencer in Aging, pointed to a Bipartisan Policy Center report that found 21% of women reported leaving the workforce during the pandemic due to caregiving responsibilities. 
And, says C. Grace Whiting, president and CEO of the National Alliance for Caregiving and also an Influencer in Aging: "We know COVID disproportionately affects Black communities and with higher job loss among women of color since COVID, the need to have good health means having wealth. They go hand in hand, so financial protections for caregivers, especially minority caregivers, is important."
Caregiver Self-Care Is Essential
The Carer Well-Being Index showed 72% of caregivers feel more burnout since COVID-19. While the survey found about two-thirds of caregivers say the pandemic has worsened their emotional and mental health and that COVID-19 has made caregiving harder, most felt that caring for a loved one during the pandemic is also rewarding.
"The pandemic accelerated and elevated that caregivers are a vital part of the health care system," says Connor. "The data from our Carer Well-Being Index is clear, we have to look at systemic changes and solutions to support caregivers in their physical, social and financial health."


Caregiving and COVID-19: A Toxic Cocktail for Women

Sherri Snelling

More than 5.4 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease, and a new report by the Alzheimer’s Association shows women are hit especially hard.
After age 60, women are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease than breast cancer over the rest of their lives.
At age 65, women have a one in six chance for developing Alzheimer’s, while men have a one in 11 chance, according to Angela Geiger, chief strategy officer of the Alzheimer’s Association.
Not only are 3.2 million women living with the disease today, Geiger says, women are also “at the epicenter of caregiving for someone with Alzheimer’s.”
(MORE: What Our 42 Million Working Caregivers Need Most)
Of the more than 15 million Americans caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or dementia, 63 percent are women. Almost half of them report increased stress — twice the rate of men who are caregiving for someone with dementia. Studies by the National Alliance for Caregiving show women who care for loved ones with Alzheimer’s have a higher emotional burden and are in their caregiving roles longer than the typical caregiver.
While deaths from other chronic diseases are on the decline — heart disease, HIV/AIDS and stroke — Alzheimer’s deaths are on the upswing, increasing 68 percent from 2000 to 2010. In fact, Alzheimer’s now ranks sixth on the Top 10 leading causes of death in the U.S., and one in three seniors will die with Alzheimer’s disease.
Although the cost of Alzheimer’s to the nation is estimated at $214 billion annually, the total expenditure for Alzheimer’s research by the National Institutes of Health is only around $500 million. Other diseases, such as heart disease, cancer and HIV/AIDS, receive billions of dollars in annual funding.
Geiger believes great strides have been made in recent years educating and advocating for women when it comes to heart disease and breast cancer. She hopes the new report will put Alzheimer’s on center stage and particularly show how women are challenged with the disease.
Caregivers in the Workplace
Maria Shriver and the Alzheimer’s Association first put the spotlight on the plight of working women who were also caring for a loved one with dementia. In 2010, they jointly released The Shriver Report — A Woman’s Nation Takes on Alzheimer’s. It found 46 percent of working women asked for time off to care for their loved one with dementia but could not get it.
The Alzheimer’s report just released found six times as many women than men went from full-time work to part-time work in order to care for a loved one with dementia and twice as many of these working women (vs. working men) gave up their jobs altogether to become full-time caregivers.
(MORE: How to Cut the Caregiving Costs of Alzheimer's Disease)
In addition, and perhaps most alarming, is that twice as many women lost job benefits because of their caregiving role compared with men. This has led many caregivers, especially of those with dementia, to feel stigmatized at work.
Navigating the workplace proves to be tricky for caregivers. Some “limit information to supervisors, only disclosing that they may have to miss work or leave early rather than having a thoughtful conversation about their caregiving responsibilities,” explains Zachary White, assistant professor at Queens University of Charlotte (in North Carolina) and creator of the Unprepared Caregiver website.
White says not giving supervisors context about missed time can cause ambiguity for both supervisor and the caregiving employee. It's better to have the conversation, he advises.
 
Alzheimer’s Prevalence and Prevention
Why are women more at risk then men for Alzheimer’s?
“Women and men have similar incidence rates of Alzheimer’s disease, but women are more at risk because on average women outlive men and therefore the prevalence, which relates to the percentage of those who have the disease, for women is higher,” says, Dr. Helena Chang Chui, chair of the department of neurology at Keck Medicine of USC, an internationally-recognized Alzheimer’s researcher.
In fact, women have a two to one prevalence for developing Alzheimer’s, Chui says. 
Current Alzheimer’s epidemiological studies suggest estrogen hormone replacement therapy, non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs and statin medications could reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s, but prevention studies have not yet confirmed these hypotheses, Chui says.
Some reports show those diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease may have actually been living with the disease for more than 10 years. Chui says Alzheimer’s disease is associated with a slow build-up of beta-amyloid plaques and tau positive neurofibrillary tangles that may start to accumulate decades before a person develops symptoms of memory loss.  
“Alzheimer’s disease is similar to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease that develops gradually in persons who are smokers before they have shortness of breath,” Chui says. “Healthy lifestyle behaviors, such as regular, moderate aerobic exercise, cardiac healthy diet and more education about chronic disease prevention, may help reduce an individual’s risk for Alzheimer’s. But more prevention research is needed.”
Although there is no cure or significant way to slow or prevent Alzheimer’s, an early diagnosis allows families to plan ahead, emotionally and financially.
“The best way and surest way to accelerate the long-awaited breakthrough is to dramatically increase our national investment in Alzheimer’s research,” says Chui.
One step in the right direction is a national initiative the Alzheimer’s Association is launching this spring to engage women in the fight against the disease.
“Realizing the impact Alzheimer's has on women — and the impact women can have when they work together — we believe this initiative will create positive momentum in one day ending Alzheimer’s,” continues Geiger. "Despite being the nation's biggest health threat, Alzheimer's disease is still largely misunderstood. Everyone with a brain — male or female, family history or not — is at risk for Alzheimer's.”
To join the Alzheimer’s Association movement, visit www.alz.org/mybrain.


The Alzheimer’s Epidemic Hits Women Hardest 

As workers reach their 50s and 60s, they often grapple with two big issues: work/life balance and job satisfaction. Two new studies, presented at the 2017 Retirement Research Consortium Meeting I recently attended in Washington, D.C., offer some fascinating insights on them.
When Work/Life Balance Issues Are Too Much
In their paper, Work-Life Balance and Labor Force Attachment at Older Ages, economists Marco Angrisani and Erik Meijer of the University of Southern California and Maria Casanova of California State University, Fullerton, looked into when work/life balance issues cause people age 51 to 79 to stop, or cut back on, working.
The researchers found a strong correlation for stepping out of the workforce by women working full-time and part-time when their spouse had a health shock. (The Employee Benefit Research Institute’s 2017 Retirement Confidence Survey noted that 14 percent of people who retired earlier than planned cited having to care for a spouse or another family member.)
“When the spouse gets sick, that means you may want to reprioritize. It makes it harder to hang on to that job. Life is interfering with work,” Matthew Rutledge, a research economist at the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College, told attendees following the paper’s presentation.
Men, however, did not follow the same pattern when their wives had health shocks, according to the researchers. I suspect that’s because women tend to take on caregiving roles and men are apt to outsource.
When it concerns a spousal health status, “women adjust more,” Rutledge observed. That’s particularly true when they get to retirement age.
“Women are bearing a lot of the responsibility when life intervenes around retirement,” said Rutledge. “They are more sensitive to work-life balance and the decision to transition to part-time work or retire.”
A related finding from this report: A lack of work/life balance is “more likely to induce females than males to actually retire.”
The researchers also discovered that men whose spouse is working are 3 to 4 percentage points less likely to retire and significantly more likely to keep working part-time. By contrast, women’s decision to keep working was less influenced by whether their spouse was still employed.
One strong incentive older women have for staying on the job full-time, the economists noted, employer-provided health insurance. This was described as “a critical pull factor” for women.
Being covered by an employer’s health plan increased women’s probability of continuing to work full-time by 8.5 percentage points and decreased the chance of working part-time (presumably without health benefits) by 5.7 percentage points and the chance of retiring by 2.7 percentage points.
Key Job Factors for Older Workers
The second paper that caught my attention studied a colossal stumbling block for continuing to work at older ages: a palpable frustration with pay.
Often, it not only takes workers over 50 longer to land a job than younger people, but the jobs they’re offered tend to be for less pay than they made in their previous positions. That stings.
Employers tend to push back on this concern saying that older workers have unrealistic pay expectations or are “overqualified.”
But what if you really thought about how much pay you’d be willing to accept for more appealing working conditions than you now have? That’s where the findings of the research report, The Value of Working Conditions in the United States, come into play. The researchers surveyed 1,818 individuals on their job preferences.
“We focused on how important are working conditions to people in thinking about the jobs they want to do and whether or not they want to continue working,” said Kathleen J. Mullen, a senior economist at the nonprofit, nonpartisan RAND Corporation and one of the paper’s five authors. The other: four: Nicole Maestas, of Harvard University’s Medical School; Till von Wachter, of University of California, Los Angeles and RAND’s David Powell and Jeffrey B. Wenger.
Aside from pay and benefits, some older workers desire other elements of job satisfaction such as work flexibility, meaningful work, opportunities to gain transferable skills and for advancement and a supportive work environment, the researchers noted. Staying on the job longer depends on these types of job attributes that transcend money, the researchers concluded.
For example, a switch from a physically demanding job to one requiring only moderate physical activity is equivalent to a 20 percent wage increase, overall, according to the researchers. But switching from a job that involves mostly sitting to one requiring heavy physical activity is the equivalent of a 24.1 percent wage decrease for people 62 and older.
And schedule flexibility is the equivalent of a 9 percent wage increase, according to the report.
The researchers’ bottom line: “Individuals may ‘purchase’ better job amenities by accepting jobs with lower wages that have their desired characteristics.”
When amenities like flexible schedules are included, people age 50 and over earn 12 percent more than their prime-age counterparts (ages 35-49), according to this new research — an interesting way to spin the wage angst issue for older workers.
My Advice for People Hoping to Keep Working
My final thoughts on the two papers: If you’re over 50 and want to extend your working years, balance potential pay vs. having some autonomy and a more relaxed schedule. Also, look for educational and professional development training opportunities, so you’ll have the right skills to let you bargain for more job satisfaction.
Working beyond your mid-60s can allow you to delay claiming Social Security benefits; they’ll grow roughly 8 percent annually until you reach 70. Continuing to work could also let you keep funding your employer’s retirement account and earn money on it. Best of all, it can keep you healthier mentally and physically, provide the social benefits of human interaction and make you feel relevant.


Work/Life Balance, Job Satisfaction and Retirement

Kerry Hannon

I’ve just returned from covering the American Society on Aging’s (ASA) Aging in America Conference and its sister act, the What’s Next Boomer Business Summit — where I also moderated a panel. My aim in going to these two meetings was to turn up the latest news and advice to help people 50+ better manage their money and careers. Below, I’ll relay what I found most interesting and helpful. (I wrote a previous post on a study released there on how the young and old worry about aging.)
There’s plenty to relay from these conferences, because the experts’ insights seemed more vital than ever.
And the turnout reflected that. Even though the Aging in America meeting was in chilly Chicago, more people came than to any of the ASA’s annual conferences since 2011. “Thank Donald Trump,” said ASA chair and president Bob Blancato, a 2016 Next Avenue Influencer in Aging. Fears of policy changes from Washington affecting older Americans were front and center. (The ASA conference traditionally skews liberal, since most attendees work at social-service organizations, nonprofits and government agencies, though Blancato noted that Republicans won the older vote in the past five national elections.)
I’ll break things down into three broad categories: Retirement Planning, Caregiving and Finances and Opportunities for Work and Purpose:
Retirement Planning
A Medigap policy could be pricier than you think said Cindy Hounsell, founder and president of the Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement (WISER) and a Next Avenue 2015 Influencer in Aging. According to WISER, for a 65-year-old woman, Medigap costs between $1,550 and $4,000 annually, depending on where she lives and the type of coverage she purchases.
If you’re 62 or older, own a home and are worried about running out of money in retirement, consider taking out a reverse mortgage. It’s a way to tap your home equity that financial advisers are increasingly recommending. “I’m very keen on reverse mortgages due to changes in the product that have made it a very viable alternative for people, and not just as a last resort,” said Sandra Timmermann, an adjunct professor of gerontology at The American College of Financial Services.
Yet "few people think of using their home strategically in retirement,” said Timmermann. “Less than 20 percent of people plan to draw their home equity.” Although she wouldn’t go as far as calling reverse mortgages the answer to the nation’s retirement crisis, Timmermann said she thinks they are “the boomer salvation to supplement income, stay in your home and pay expenses.”
For background on reverse mortgages, Timmermann suggests reading the National Council on Aging’s free online booklet, Use Your Home to Stay at Home.
Caregiving and Finances
Watch out for “caregiver creep.” No, that’s not a description of an unscrupulous person paid to assist your parent (though it could be). It’s the term Timmermann, who was a caregiver for her late husband, used at the conference to describe subtly escalating caregiving expenses. A recent AARP study found that family caregivers spend $6,954 a year, on average, in out-of-pocket costs. And that figure has risen quite a bit in the past few years.
If you’re a family caregiver with a job, Timmermann said, be cautious about quitting work in your 50s or 60s — even temporarily — to free up time for caregiving. “Trying to get back into the workforce at the same level later is really hard,” she noted. “And quitting your job will mean a missed opportunity to put money into a 401(k) and get an employers’ match.”
Women could take a cue from men when it comes to caregiving. “Men are stepping up to the plate to arrange for, and pay for, caregiving services. Women tend to be more hands-on. We have a feeling we can do it all. Maybe we can learn something from men,” said Timmermann.
If you’re paying a sibling for caregiving for your parent, get him or her to sign a Personal Care Agreement, recommended John Migliaccio, president of Maturity Mark Services. Migliaccio said this binding agreement, which you can find online, “helps manage the caregiver responsibilities. It lets you create a contract to make sure who’s supposed to do what.”
Opportunities for Work and Purpose
For part-time income in retirement, consider becoming a driver or a concierge for older people. That was my takeaway from the panel I moderated at the What’s Next Boomer Business Summit: The On-Demand Marketplace for Services, Health Care and Home.
Justin Lin, founder and CEO of Envoy, explained how his thousands of Envoys — often boomers in encore careers, stay-at-home moms or former caregivers — take care of shopping and errands for nearby elders who need the assistance. The cost to hire them: typically $19 a month.
The two other panelists represented driving services: Daniel Trigub is head of health care partnerships at Lyft, which is making a strong push ferrying older people to and from medical appointments. Jeff Maltz is CEO and co-founder of SilverRide, an assisted ride company that specializes in what it calls “door through door” service — also, often for doctor’s visits.
Both of the rideshare companies are especially interested in hiring boomer drivers who have the interest and compassion to do this job, and could use extra income.
Nonprofits and employers should do more to tap the desire for purpose of so many 50+ people. Roughly a third of Americans 50 and older (31 percent) are actively engaged in purposeful activities that contribute to the greater good, according to a study from the Stanford University Graduate School of Education and Encore.org that was unveiled at the conference.
Jim Emerman, a senior vice president at Encore.org and a Next Avenue 2016 Influencer in Aging, said the researchers “wanted to understand what purpose looked like in the older population.” So they surveyed 1,198 people age 50 to 92 looking to see how many had “beyond the self” life goals.
“There were very few demographic differences" among those who wanted purpose in their lives, said Anne Colby, a Stanford consulting professor and lead author of the study. "We found that poverty does not preclude purpose, nor does affluence." People who said purpose was an important goal, Colby noted, “came from all educational backgrounds and all racial and ethnic groups.”
And many surveyed who currently lack purposeful commitments “say they are open to them,” Colby noted. “Inviting opportunities tailored to specific interests and abilities could draw them in.” These are people, Colby said, who told the researchers, “if somebody would ask me to get involved, I would.”
Helen Dennis, a retirement consultant and a 2016 Next Avenue Influencer in Aging, said the study “is great news. It speaks to the resilience of older age and blows myths we have of older adults and their inevitable decline right out the window.”
Incidentally, if you know someone in the second half of life who is making a difference after finding a life purpose or you hope to, nominations are now open for Encore.org’s new Encore Prize and AARP’s Purpose Prize. The Encore Prize is for individuals of any age and organizations with a new idea for bringing older adult talent to take on the challenges of at-risk youth. The Purpose Prize will go to people 50 and older focused on advancing social good.
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'Aging in America' Report: On Money, Work and Finding Purpose

Richard Eisenberg

What do the following actors — “The Rock” (Dwayne Johnson), “McDreamy” (Patrick Dempsey) and “The Fonz” (Henry Winkler) — have in common? While their onscreen roles show them as strong, accomplished and cool, their real-life roles have taken a departure from the traditional male stereotype: they have all been caregivers to aging and ill mothers.
And they are not alone.
Thanks to AARP and the Ad Council, another actor who has joined the ranks as a real-life caregiver stars in a recent public service awareness campaign. Antihero Danny Trejo, who starred in AMC’s Breaking Bad and movies such as Con Air, Machete and Spy Kids, cared for a friend with cancer. He shows in the TV/video spots that even tough guys can care for loved ones. “Caregiving is tougher than tough,” he says in the campaign’s tagline.
Numbers of Male Caregivers Growing
The campaign underscores the results of a 2015 study published by AARP showing that 16 million men in America are now caregiving for a loved one. That represents 40 percent of the 40 million family caregivers of adults in the U.S. The number of men as caregivers has been growing over the last several years, according to a 2015 study in the Journal of Gerontological Social Work, among other reports.
“What was a little surprising, but also obvious, from our study is that caregiving crosses gender lines,” said Jean Accius, vice president of AARP’s Public Policy Institute and author of a March 2017 report on the issue. “And these men are going beyond the role we have seen for men in the past, where they helped with managing finances, driving a parent to a doctor appointment or shoveling snowy driveways. Today they are performing tasks that help their loved one with activities of daily living — bathing, grooming, feeding.”
Accius believes this increase in male caregivers reflects the changing demographics in our country, shrinking family sizes and an evolution of gender roles. Just as more men have increasingly become primary caregivers for children as their wives assume the family breadwinner role, now they are also becoming primary family caregivers for an aging or ill loved one. And Accius reports that what they need is “recognition they exist” and training for their role.
Men Want Caregiving Information, Not Online Support
It is this need for help and guidance that led Homewatch Caregivers, an international home care agency operating in seven countries, to start the first online male caregiver support community in 2012. However, after four years they found men did not want to share their experiences and talk to other men online. Instead, they really needed help in managing their caregiving tasks and finding community resources.
“We recognized that men are more engaged in caring for an ill spouse or an aging parent than 30 or 50 years ago,” said Jennifer Tucker, vice president of marketing and business development for Homewatch Caregivers. “But what we found is that caregiving was not a discussion they wanted to have ‘over the virtual fence’ with other men.”
Tucker explains that these men instead wanted information specific to their loved one’s condition — whether it was Parkinson’s disease, cancer or multiple sclerosis.
Homewatch Caregivers now works closely with numerous disease specific organizations, such as the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and the Alzheimer’s Association, to be able to provide the emotional support men need, she said. Meanwhile, Homewatch Caregivers is now focused on online training and “how-to” videos.
Male Caregivers Are Unprepared for Certain Tasks
AARP has also created educational videos to help all caregivers, especially with tasks for which they are not trained.
“Over half of the men in the study were helping with what we would term ‘nursing care’ such as wound care — but they were not prepared to do so,” explained Accius. “This is a common thing we see with all caregivers, but the request for more training was higher for men.”
Shawn Perry, who is retired from the Air Force and a former businessman, now is host of the The Senior Zone radio program in Washington, D.C. Growing up fatherless in an African American community in New York City, he sees his caregiving role for his aging mother as just a natural transition as he gets older.
“As the oldest son, I feel caregiving is different in the African American community,” says Perry. “There really is no conversation, except with my wife, about the fact they we will both care for our older parents when the time comes. Maybe it’s my military training or the family focus in African American communities, but my role is to safeguard and protect and care for my mom — however, whenever.”
Perry, who lives a couple of hours away from his seventysomething mother, says he embraces the latest technology — including videochats and texting — to stay in contact with his mother. And he believes the training videos for caregivers, especially men, will be valuable.
Spreading the Word
Men for whom caregiving doesn’t come as naturally may be surprised at the public service announcment (PSA) spots. Created by advertising agency DDB New York through support from AARP and the Ad Council, the casting of Trejo grabs the viewer’s attention immediately. What is unexpected is that this self-proclaimed “badass” suddenly shows us a softer, caring and loving side.
And that is the point. Caregiving has long been seen as a role women take on — wives, adult daughters and sisters. But now tht two out of five caregivers are men, it was important to demonstrate that more men are playing this role. It was also critical to acknowledge that being a caregiver is similar to “being a warrior” in the battle for a society that is living longer.
“Although most male caregivers agree that caregiving is stressful, very few reach out for help; they often avoid talking about their situation with others and don’t feel comfortable discussing the emotional challenges of caregiving,” said Icaro Doria, chief creative officer of DDB New York. “This informed the central idea of the creative: Caregiving is a tough job, but AARP can help you be prepared.”
The PSA spots are being distributed to more than 33,000 media outlets nationwide, including TV, radio, print and online. Facebook also donated media support.
Other Male Caregivers React
The response has been immediate.
When Trejo shared the caregiving spot on his Facebook page, the video attracted over 500,000 views in 24 hours and hundreds of comments, many from male caregivers sharing their own stories.
One Facebook comment came from John F., who shared, “Cared for my father for nearly 30 years, and was privileged to be at his side when he passed. To be a son, father and grandfather are the greatest honors God could have bestowed on me. Thank you for recognizing those who honor their loved ones.”
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'Tough' Male Caregivers Highlighted in Media Spots

When business owner Mark Horst (not his real name) of Pompton Plains, New Jersey, first found out his wife of 37 years was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, he didn't know what the journey would entail.
"Of all caregivers in the United States, 16 million, or 40%, are men. Of these men, 63% identified as primary caregivers."All he knew was he would remain by her side and become her primary caregiver. But his journey of caregiving is one he'd never imagine. A man of faith, Horst, 61, states that he couldn't do it without God's help because having Alzheimer's is "absolutely heartbreaking."
In our society, women are seen as primary caregivers when a loved one is ill and male caregivers are often overlooked.
For a caregiver, situations are often emotional and stressful. In Horst's case, he learned that caring for someone with dementia is complex and requires empathy, patience and kindness. He also knew he'd need help.
Rajiv Ahuja, an associate director at the Milken Institute Center for the Future of Aging, says this type of caregiving help can include providing financial assistance, emotional support and helping with daily tasks such as cooking, cleaning and transportation. 
The Levels of Sacrifice
"This can also involve making difficult choices, such as sacrificing personal time and resources, balancing caregiving responsibilities with work and other obligations, and even providing end-of-life care," said Ahuja.
In our society, women are seen as primary caregivers when a loved one is ill and male caregivers are often overlooked; Horst is not alone.
Of all caregivers in the United States, 16 million, or 40%, are men. Of these men, 63% identified as primary caregivers. The United Nations Agenda 2030 recognizes unpaid domestic caregiving in the home as the most significant barrier to gender equality. However, more research must be conducted to understand the social process through which men engage in caregiving. 
A new study revealed the motivations for fathers to engage in unpaid domestic caregiving in the home, which include dedication to their loved ones. According to the survey, gender equality begins with accepting men as proficient, competent and primary caregivers. 
Past studies indicate that father and male involvement can improve family outcomes, so engaging this demographic and focusing on the family unit is vital. There are also social inequalities that prevent fathers from being able to take on caregiving responsibilities in the home.  
Younger Caregivers 
Just as nations have paid maternity and paternity leave, companies play a role in empowering all employees to put family first. Caregiving can also be influenced by factors such as language barriers, acculturation and generational differences. 
For example, younger generations may have different attitudes toward caregiving and may face unique challenges balancing their caregiving responsibilities with other obligations and expectations. 
"I have missed out on doing activities with my peers since I care for my mother and grandmother," says Daniel Chusom (not his real name), a 29-year-old caregiver residing in Pomona, California. "For example, I used to attend a church event for young adults every Friday, but I no longer attend as the time now clashes with when I must leave and pick up my mother from work. There are even times when my work takes a backseat to caregiving." 
"I have missed out on doing activities with my peers since I care for my mother and grandmother."
Limitations on time can lead working caregivers to not prioritize life goals, including saving for a comfortable retirement, buying a house, starting a business or getting passed over for a promotion. When they have significant gaps in employment, they might not be as competitive as their peers. 
"In my personal life, older people take priority," Chusom says.
How Men Face Unique Challenges
Male caregivers face unique challenges, since they are traditionally not likely to discuss their stress or share their emotions with others. 
"I find it hard to make friends, and that's not because I am a man; it's just my personality," said Ricardo Almonte (not his real name), a 47-year-old former long-term caregiver residing in Paterson, New Jersey. "I always thought my wife was my best friend. She still is, but life seems harder ever since I became her primary caregiver." 
Not only should communities normalize men as caregivers, but they should also provide support services (like respite care, support groups, etc.) to improve their self-care and mental health. These services can help achieve gender equality and inclusion in caregiving, particularly in a cultural context. 
Male involvement in caregiving is essential, mainly because fathers, brothers and others have always played a significant role, even if overshadowed by their female counterparts. Consequently, highlighting the father's crucial role, as well as the roles of other men in the family, in caregiving and including them in programmatic actions is essential to improving the overall quality of care. 
It can also involve bringing together the "experience experts" (male caregivers) and "content experts' (researchers and staff) to define problems and solve real-world caregiving challenges through collaborative innovation sessions. 
At the same time, it may help reduce any negative bias against male caregivers for a perceived (often wrongly) lack of competence and proficiency as they care for others. 


The Challenges Facing Male Caregivers

Sophie Okolo

(This article appeared previously on MarketWatch.) 
Contrary to popular belief, retirement can be a very stressful time. According to a number of studies and surveys, retirees are not all living the dream. Here are 10 things they may neglect to tell you if you ask how things are going:
1. We’re Broke
Each day, roughly 10,000 boomers turn 62 — the average age at which people actually retire, according to a recent Gallup poll.
But many of these retirees, and ones a few years older, aren’t spending their golden years traipsing around the world. In fact, quite the opposite. According to the Census Bureau’s Supplemental Poverty Measure, which takes into account out-of-pocket health-care spending and government benefits like food stamps, in addition to income, roughly 15 percent of people over age 65 — that’s 6.1 million people in all — live in poverty. And nearly half are considered “near poor,” meaning that they live with incomes that are less than twice the poverty threshold.
Tomorrow’s retirees aren’t in much better financial shape: Among workers age 55 and older, nearly 60 percent have saved less than $100,000 for retirement, and 24 percent have saved less than $1,000, according to the nonprofit Employee Benefit Research Institute. That’s far less than financial advisers typically recommend: For example, AON Hewitt estimates that Americans will need roughly 11 times their final working salary when they retire, so someone with a $50,000 salary would need $550,000 upon retirement to maintain his or her standard of living.
(MORE: What Women Fear Most About Retirement)
That may help explain why even retirees who have retirement savings say that they rely heavily on Social Security — which pays an average monthly benefit of around $1,290. Indeed, 57 percent of current retirees consider it a major source of income, according to a recent Gallup poll (up from half in 2003); only 33 percent say that pension plans are a major source of retirement income, 24 percent say 401(k)s, 23 percent home equity and 15 percent individual stocks and mutual funds.
2. Retirement Is More Stressful Than It Looks
Retirement is supposed to be the ultimate in relaxation, with mornings spent leisurely reading the paper over coffee, afternoons hitting the links or chilling on the beach, and evenings at pleasant dinners with your spouse or watching your favorite programs.
But for many people, it’s just the opposite. In a study by the American Institute of Stress, out of 43 potentially stressful major life events, retirement was ranked the 10th most stressful, ranking just higher than a major change in the health or behavior of a family member (11th). The death of a spouse, something many people experience in their retirement years, ranks Number One.
Only 39 percent of people who are actually retired say that it is less stressful than life was during the five years before they retired, according to a survey of more than 1,200 people 50 and older by National Public Radio, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health.
(MORE: Secrets of Successful Retirees)
Studies show that money tends to be the number one stressor. In Merrill Lynch’s 2013 Family & Retirement study, “running out of money to live comfortably” was the biggest concern for members of both the Silent Generation (people aged 68-88) and boomers, followed by the worry that they are or will be a burden to their family.
It’s also hard for many retirees to give up working. “We get a lot of our happiness from purpose and meaning in our lives — and jobs give us that,” says Chicago psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, the author of Better Than Perfect. She adds that other retirees get stressed out by the lack of structure in their days, and some find change, even if it’s positive change, to be stressful.
3. We Spend Too Much Time By Ourselves
Roughly one in 10 people aged 65 and older report that they are severely lonely, according to a study published in 2012 in the Journal of Psychology: Interdisciplinary and Applied — a finding that has remained roughly constant in studies for the last few decades. Often, the lack of a career exacerbates loneliness: “We often don't realize that our careers provide quite a bit of interaction,” says California-based psychologist Traci Lowenthal. “When retirement begins, most of those daily connections are gone.
People in their 80s and older tend to experience higher rates of loneliness than do younger people, other research shows, as spouses and friends pass away.
(MORE: How to End the Senior Loneliness Epidemic)
Worse yet, loneliness can lead to health problems and premature death. Older adults who report extreme loneliness had a 14 percent greater risk of premature death than those who didn’t, according to studies of more than 2,000 adults age 50 and older by researchers at the University of Chicago.
In a discussion at the American Association for the Advancement of Science’s annual meeting this year, the researchers noted that loneliness can be twice as unhealthy for older people as obesity can, with health consequences that include disrupted sleep, elevated blood pressure, increases in the stress hormone cortisol, altered gene expression in immune cells, increased depression and lower overall well-being.
4. We’re In Denial About Our Health Problems
It’s an unfortunate reality of aging: our health declines as we get older. According to the Health and Retirement Study, one of the most comprehensive data sets looking at older Americans, almost half of Americans ages 55 — 64 say they are in good or excellent health, while only about a quarter of those 65 and older say the same. Among the most common ailments facing older adults are hypertension, heart conditions and arthritis, the study found, and roughly one in four people 65 to 74 and nearly one in three people 75 to 84 have two or more major health problems.
But even though it seems like common sense to assume that our health will deteriorate as we age, most people approaching retirement don’t believe it.
When asked “All in all, how would you say your health in retirement will be/is as compared to the five years before you retired?,” just 13 percent of pre-retirees said they expected their health would be worse in retirement, while nearly 40 percent of those who have actually retired said it was worse, according to the NPR/RWJF/Harvard study.
Justin Sayde, a research manager at the Harvard School of Public Health, says the result is “intriguing” and notes that “in recent decades, health and disability levels have improved in the 60-70 age group,” which may in turn lead pre-retirees to be overly optimistic about what to expect in the long run.
Some studies show that compared with those who keep working, retirees have worse health. A 2012 study that followed more than 5,400 men and women 50 and older over a 10-year period found that those who had retired had a 40 percent greater risk of stroke and heart attack than those who kept working — and that this effect was the most pronounced in the first year after retirement. (To be sure, other studies show a health benefit to retirement.)
Perhaps just as important, many retirees are having trouble getting the health care they need. According to the NPR/RWJF/Harvard survey, 13 percent of retirees say they have trouble finding quality health care and 13 percent say they had trouble seeing the doctor of their choice.
5. Our Health-Care Costs Are Huge
While Medicare covers plenty of health-care expenses for people 65 and older, it doesn’t cover everything — a fact that surprises some people.
In fact, Medicare doesn’t cover longer term skilled nursing or rehabilitative care, hearing aids, eye exams and most dental care. A couple who retire at 65 need an average of $220,000 to cover out-of-pocket medical expenses over the course of their retirement, according to Fidelity Investments — and that doesn’t even count the costs of having to go into a nursing home, which Medicare doesn’t cover under most circumstances. A semiprivate room in a nursing home costs a median of roughly $77,000 a year and living in an assisted living facility costs $42,000 a year, according to 2014 data from Genworth.
Given how little most people have saved for retirement, many retirees are likely to struggle to afford the health care they need. And some are already feeling the strain of these expenses. Nearly one in four retirees say they’ve had trouble paying for the medications that they or their spouse needed; 21 percent say they’ve had trouble paying for health insurance premiums, 21 percent for medical bills, 19 percent for long-term care and 18 percent for preventative services, according to the NPR/RWJF/Harvard survey.
6. We’re Coming After Your Jobs
The percentage of workers 65 and older who are in the labor force has risen from 11.5 percent in 1992 to 18.5 percent in 2012 and is projected to hit 23 percent by 2022, according to Census Bureau data.
That’s a trend that’s likely to continue as the population ages. According to a 2013 survey by AARP of 1,500 American workers ages 45 to 74, about 72 percent of older Americans say they plan to work in retirement, with 29 percent of that group saying they plan to work part-time mainly for interest or enjoyment sake, 23 percent for the income it provides and 13 percent so they can start their own business or work for themselves.
For some younger workers, this isn’t good news, because many employers prefer older workers. A 2012 survey of more than 500 hiring managers by HR consulting firm Adecco found that companies were about three times as likely to hire a worker 50 and older than they were to hire a millennial (defined as someone born between 1981 and 2000). Among the traits they attributed to older workers were that they were more reliable and more professional.
Such findings aside, age discrimination remains alive and well in the workplace. According to a study published in the journal Ageing and Society in 2011, 81 percent of workers 50 and above had encountered at least one instance of discriminatory treatment in the workplace in the previous year; other studies indicate that some hiring managers show preference to younger hires.
7. We Still Get Frisky
This may come as a shock to the younger generation, but your grandma and grandpa likely still get it on. While men and women ages 57 to 72 have less sex than their younger counterparts, they’re still having sex. Nearly three in four men and about half of women in the age group report that they are sexually active, having sex an average of about four times a month, according to a study published in 2011 in The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences.
All that frisky behavior sometimes has negative consequences. While rates of sexually transmitted diseases are still much higher among younger than older Americans, the 55-and-over set saw an uptick in infection rates for some sexually transmitted diseases between 2007 and 2011, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Even HIV is becoming a problem for older Americans: 19 percent of the 1.1 million people living with an HIV infection in America are 55 or older, and 5 percent (or 2,500) of the new HIV infections in 2010 were from this age group, according to the CDC.
8. We’re Planning to Move In With Our Kids

More than 43 million adults in America care for someone 50 or older, according to the National Center on Caregiving. What’s more, the proportion of adult children providing personal care and/or financial assistance to a parent has more than tripled over the past 15 years, according to insurer MetLife.
While most care recipients live in their own homes (58 percent), one in five lives with their caregiver, usually in a spare room in the home. Wherever the retiree lives, caregiving can be a financial drain on the provider, not only because the care and medications cost them thousands of dollars, but because it can impact their careers over the long-term.
For the average woman 50 or older caring for an aging parent, the amount of lost wages due to leaving the labor force early or reducing work hours totals $142,693 over the duration of the caregiving; for men, that number is $89,107 — and that doesn’t include their lost Social Security benefits, which in both cases total over $130,000, according to a MetLife survey.
Making matters worse, many caregivers take a dual financial hit, as they care both for their parents and their children. According to a 2013 survey from the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of Americans ages 40 — 59 say they have provided financial support both for a parent 65 and older and for a child within the past year; that’s up from 12 percent in 2005.
9. That Big Hawaii Trip? It’s More Like a Pipe Dream
Nearly six in 10 American retirees say that travel is one of their top two dreams for retirement, according to a 2013 study by the Transamerica Center for Retirement Studies. But while they lust after frequent trips to far-flung locales in retirement, the reality is much different for most.
About 59 percent of older workers say they plan to travel more in retirement, according to the NPR/Harvard/RWJF survey. But only 31 percent actually do so. In contrast, 34 percent of retirees say they take fewer trips than they did in the five years before retiring.
There are many reasons that retirees can’t just jet off to far-flung locales, including financial constraints. One in four retirees say one of the top things they’d change about their retirement is that they would have saved more for travel, the Transamerica survey revealed.
Lowenthal notes that health issues, especially those that limit mobility or cause aches and pains, may make travel “less comfortable and more trouble than it’s worth,” while others, like incontinence, are embarrassing. She also notes that spending time with grandchildren, another goal for many retirees, often competes for time and money with more ambitious travel plans.
10. We’re Scam Magnets
Each year, older Americans get bilked out of billions of dollars, thanks, in part, to scammers who take advantage of the elderly’s high rates of dementia and often poor health, which sometimes leave them less able to make smart financial decisions. A study published in 2011 by MetLife estimated that financial abuse costs older Americans at least $2.9 billion each year.
Most victims of such fraud are between 80 and 89, live alone and need some kind of health or personal care help from another person, the study found, and women are nearly twice as likely as men to be victims of elder financial abuse. A little over one-third of the cases of fraud were perpetrated by family, friends and neighbors. According to data released in 2013 by the Federal Trade Commission, some of the most common fraud types against people 60 and up were telemarketing scams (17 percent); fake sweepstakes, gifts and prizes (8 percent); and government impostor scams (8 percent).
No matter what the scam or who the victim is, one thing is clear: Financial fraud against the elderly can have life-altering, negative consequences.
The MetLife study points out that elder financial abuse “increases rates of depression among elders.” Plus, it makes people feel shame, Lowenthal says: “They feel they ‘should have known better’ or ‘shouldn’t have trusted’ the person who victimized them.” Or as Lombardo put it, becoming a victim of a scam “puts you in the mind-set of ‘I am old, frail and a victim.’” And, in turn, “whatever the label we put on ourselves, we often act as if that is real.”
Catey Hill is a freelance personal finance writer, who has written for Next Avenue, The Wall Street Journal, SmartMoney, Worth, MarketWatch.com, Forbes.com and others.


10 Things Retirees Won't Tell You

Catey Hill

Life was sunny for Rocky Cifone in the 1990s. He was a single college administrator in Florida working on his Ph.D. with a fulfilling social life. Then the call came. His mother, frightened and anxious, phoned from California to say that his father had suffered a stroke. She needed Rocky, their only child, to come home to help. And so began Cifone's nearly 10-year caregiving journey, not just for his father, but eventually for his mother as well.
 
(MORE: Why Long-Term Care in the U.S. Is Headed for a Crisis)
In 2009, according to a National Alliance for Caregiving/AARP study, men accounted for 34 percent of the nearly 65 million family caregivers in the United States. But more recent surveys show the number of men in this traditionally female role has risen rapidly, driven by a combination of factors, including the recession, changing gender expectations and longer life expectancies.
A 2012 analysis by the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project finds that men may now represent as many as 45 percent of all family caregivers. And a new study from the Alzheimer's Association reports that between 1996 and 2011, the percentage of men among adults caring for a family member with Alzheimer's disease or dementia almost doubled, to 40 percent from 19 percent. This shift is most likely due to demographics. Among people over 65, Alzheimer's and dementia are more prevalent among women than men. More than 3.9 million cases of Alzheimer's disease have been diagnosed in women over 65, compared with only 1.8 million diagnoses for men in the same age group.
One Man's Journey
After receiving that crisis call, Cifone traveled back and forth across the country for two years attempting to fulfill both his career and family responsibilities, a struggle familiar to many of the nation's 8 million long-distance caregivers. Eventually the financial and mental toll of such frequent travel became prohibitive. He took a 12-week unpaid leave of absence from work, as allowed by the federal Family Medical Leave Act, but he eventually chose to leave his job and home and move back to California.
 
Cifone's father had suffered a second stroke and was experiencing symptoms from other health issues, including diabetes. At the same time, his mother faced both a hip replacement and congestive heart failure. At one point, with his parents on different floors of the same skilled nursing facility, he rode the elevator from one health crisis to another.
Cifone did get married and have a son during his caregiving years, and credits their support in maintaining his spirit. "My wife, Debbie, looked after me while I looked after my parents," Cifone says. "She helped with my mom but mostly she was my support network through this journey and I could not have done it without her. I was the hero for my parents, but my wife is my hero."
 
Sons and Husbands, on the Spot
Today's male caregivers do not only aid their parents. An estimated 3 million men care for an ailing spouse full time. One of them is Peter Rosenberger, who hosts a radio show on caregiving at WLAC in Nashville, Tenn., and wrote Wear Comfortable Shoes, a poignant yet humorous book about the 28 years he's spent caring for his disabled wife. Rosenberger married his wife, Gracie, after a whirlwind college courtship. But he quickly went from newlywed to caregiver, as complications from a serious automobile accident she suffered at age 17 emerged, including seizures. She eventually had to have both legs amputated and has endured more than 70 operations in all.
 
(MORE: 17 Essential Books for Family Caregivers)
"The hardest thing I have had to cope with is acknowledging there are three in my marriage – me, my wife and her medical issues," Rosenberger says. "But her courage has touched my soul and keeps me going. When I look at her I don't see the frail, sick, double amputee. I see the most beautiful girl in the world – my sweetheart."
 
As the Numbers Rise, Support Increases
Of people age 65 or older, 20 percent will live until age 90. But 1 in 2 Americans will develop dementia after age 85, to name just one chronic illness. The statistics make it clear that more boomers, men and women, will inevitably step into a caregiving role, whether for parents or a spouse.
(MORE: When Someone You Love Becomes Someone Else)
Men bring some advantages to the role. For example, they appear to cope with the stress inherent in caregiving more successfully than women, according to a 2012 study by researchers at Bowling Green State University. "We found that men seem better at dealing with caregiver stress because they take a 'block and tackle' approach to tasks," says the study's lead author, associate professor I-Fen Lin.
"They complete a caregiving task and move on to the next thing," she explains. "Conversely, we found women are more socialized to be nurturing than men, but internalize their caregiving performance with constant worry and anxiety, thus leading to higher stress levels and more persistent stress."
 
Rosenberger believes men are more assertive when advocating for loved ones with such authority figures as doctors and hospital staff, demanding straight answers on the condition of their parent or spouse. On the other hand, he says, other male caregivers he has met also struggle with the chaos and fragmentation of the health care system. Men seek to solve problems, he says, and when a dilemma has no clear solution, they can feel ineffective and, over time, prone to depression.
When male caregivers struggle, however, they tend to be more reluctant to seek help than women, according to the Bowling Green study and other research. "It's very difficult for them to ask for help," says Rhonda Travland, co-author of Who Says Men Don't Care: A Man's Guide to Balanced and Guilt-Free Caregiving, who studied the experiences of four generations of male caregivers.
Fortunately, as their numbers grow and the discomfort and stigma of talking about their tasks declines, male caregivers are beginning to turn to support groups to lessen the isolation that so often comes with the role. Rosenberger found a support group through his church and the Alzheimer's Association and other groups are ramping up efforts to reach out.
"Only 20 percent of the callers to our help line are men," reports Jed Levine, executive vice president of the association's New York City chapter. "I know there are more men out there who are providing care for a parent, spouse or other relative. I want them to know that help and support is out there for them."
 
Online support groups are trying to meet the demand. The home-care agency Homewatch CareGivers created what it believes is the first online resource of its kind, the Male Caregiver Community. It enables peer-to-peer advice and support on such challenging issues as dealing with sundowning among Alzheimer's patients and bathing a parent of the opposite sex. Other groups, including the Well Spouse Association, provide similar guidance for a variety of medical and emotional concerns.
 
(MORE: How Online Volunteers Support Caregivers)
Caregiving often involves a series of chaotic episodes, but men have found, as women have, that there are moments of precious clarity. Cifone's father, for example, experienced memory loss after his strokes. It made him struggle to recognize his wife, whom he sometimes thought was his sister, and his son, whom he often believed was his older brother, who had died in World War II. As Cifone worked with his father to help him regain his memory, though, the older man displayed a gratitude he rarely had before.
 
"My father had spent his adult life an emotionless man, never apologizing for anything, but the stroke changed him into the sweetest, nicest man you have ever met," Cifone says. "I cherish one of our last conversations where he apologized for not telling my mom and me how much he loved us more often. That was a gift of caregiving I did not expect."


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