Where Has My Tech Support Gone?

My tech-savvy eldest son, 25, moved out, and with him went my nearly 24/7 tech support.  

Okay, some days he did not wake until 11 a.m. and he stayed out way later than my 10 p.m. bedtime but besides that he was basically on-call. We worked remotely side-by-side in my home office for several years around the pandemic. I, a 54-year-old single woman, had become used to him solving all my technology- and home-related issues post haste.  

As he prepared for his new apartment three hours away, I realized my mistake. 

"I won't even be able to turn on the TV without you," I joked. But not really, as our television with a sound bar and a multitude of remotes with cable TV, and several services accessible available through streaming sticks and an Xbox game controller, really did confuse me. 

"You'll be fine," he said with a smile and wave of his hand. 

For the record, I have two adult sons, yet one is much more patient with me when it comes to tech. Before his abandonment — I mean departure — The Patient One showed me how to operate the tv and back up my computer among other daily dilemmas. Notes were taken and then nothing could be moved. Lest I forget the exact order of operations. This harkened me back to algebra class. 

I was not good with that either.  

The Patient One had been gone a week, and a multitude of issues cropped up: descaling the Keurig (a mystery even though he walked me through it twice before), an issue with the air conditioner, used car troubles, employing the Preview work-around for scanning a document since the printer's scanner is broken, etc.  

A feeling of helplessness enveloped me. "Why are these things so vexing?" And then came anger with myself: "What is wrong with me? Seriously, how had I grown this dependent on him?"  

Then I took a breath and reminded myself I was, after all, the one to teach my children lots of things, like talking, and reading and riding bicycles. For years, we vacationed in cities where I showed them how to navigate airports, use the subway and efficiently travel the streets to hit all the best local sites. I helped them prepare for college and filled out the forsaken FAFSA forms.  

Now he and my second son, 23, smirk when it takes me too long to open the camera on my iPhone. 

Gen Y and Z-ers have grown up with technology of gaming systems, flip and then smart phones, computers at school, and remote-controlled robotic toys. Often, they approach technology intuitively. In contrast, many of my generation learned to type in a required high school typing class and first used a computer in a college lab with "video display terminals".  

My youngest, devoid of his brother's diplomacy, huffs when I ask him to remind me of a shortcut on my phone.  

"I showed you once already."  

Other times when we get a new device, he proceeds to push all the buttons randomly until it turns on. He is not afraid that he will break something as I and my older friends frequently fear. "This is how my generation learned how things work," he said with a smile. (Honestly though, he is also the Expensive Child and has broken things through the years using this method.) 

I, on the other hand, am so afraid of crashing my computer or halting an expensive appliance from working, I become filled with trepidation when things are new and unknown.  

It is time to get real with my impatient self. I reflect on what is really going on. Relying on my son to do all things tech for me has been easier. But I have observed his process so I can steal a few of his tricks. A technology native, he also relies on Google, YouTube, Reddit or other forums where people list a problem to crowdsource possible solutions from other users. I can do these things, too. 

I run through all these options — even googling the lost manuals for older appliances — before calling for help. Recently the black hole of the YouTube video platform sucked me in and I watched about 7 videos on how to operate the 10 settings on my new German-engineered dishwasher. Now I know how to switch between the 60-minute "speed cycle" and the auto, sanitizing, air-drying 3:48 minute marathon cycle.

I also solved other conundrums: YouTube viewing elucidated the Keurig problem and the scanning vexation; used car issues were troubleshot using Google, Reddit and a Honda forum to narrow down the issue (and approximate cost) before calling the mechanic. 

Online research can get you only so far. Sometimes more help is needed. The Patient One knew this. Before he moved out, he mentioned, "A friend of mine set himself up with remote access to his mom's computer."  

I was familiar with the concept because IT people from my remote job do this to update my work computer on occasion.  

"Sounds like a good idea," I replied. 

Yet, I hadn't fully realized what this meant. During one of his visits, a computer issue arose. He sat down at my desk, grabbed my phone, and held it up to his face, accessing 2-step authorization.  

"Since when can you open my phone with your face and view all the contents of my phone?" I said. 

"You can't have it both ways, Mom, either you want my help, or you don't," he said with a chuckle.   

Over this past year, The Patient One has on several occasions remoted in to rectify a problem (for which I am immensely grateful). Once when I upgraded to the new Microsoft Outlook all my emails disappeared. I called in a panic. They held important information I could not lose.  

"The emails are still on the server, Mom," he replied drolly before reimporting them.  

Mostly, though, I try to fix things on my own first. I am fortified by the research that shows that part of aging with vitality is tackling and staying open to new experiences. My 70-year-old mother used to call my father "the gadget guy" and roll her eyes at the cost attached to his next-generation iPad or latest computer system. But Dad, inspired by innovation, was the embodiment of curiosity and a staunch advocate of lifelong self-education. He kept learning things from the internet and his grandchildren until the day he died.  

Becoming curious, less fearful and more patient with myself has allowed me to be more at peace with technology. After all, I am fortunate to have the means to have these devices in my life, and I am smart enough to figure them out or ask for help. While I can't fix every problem, I am doing much better and feel proud that I call The Patient One much less for tech support and instead to just check in and see how he is doing. 

If you need more tech help several options are available: 

• Go to the source directly. “When it comes to tech support, the safest bets are usually the support helplines that the company or manufacturer provides to avoid scams,” said Jack Vivian, chief technology officer at Increditools. “Microsoft and Apple both have dedicated channels to assist users when they deal with problems. They have the knowledge and the expertise to assist users step-by-step through the troubleshooting process. Stay patient and clearly communicate the problem. There is nothing wrong with seeking assistance and there is no such thing as a stupid question.” 

• Sign up for some free online tutorials and courses.
  
• Make an appointment with Best Buy or Apple Genius Bar or get a referral from friends for a local IT shop. 
  
• Reach out to in-home services, like Geek Squad, Geeks On Site, or TaskRabbit. 
  
• Subscribe to a home tech subscription service plan, such as Candoo Tech.  
  
• Check with the Better Business Bureau website before committing. “Always be cautious of sharing your personal information online or granting remote access to unknown users. Choose reputable providers and read customer reviews before deciding on the options available,” said Bobby Lawson, technology editor/publisher at EarthWeb. 
  
• Leverage community resources — libraries, senior centers, or local workshops — offering classes or volunteer programs connecting seniors with tech-savvy individuals, according to Arnaud Kuhlein, founder and chief executive officer, seoocean.ai 
  
• Look into Older Adults Technology Services (OATS), an initiative for support, education and resources. “My uncle, in his sixties, has been able to visit one of their in-person technology centers. Not only did it increase his confidence, but it also gave him the opportunity to connect with other people who were his age, and on a similar journey,” explained Alex Mastin, business expert and founder of HomeGrounds. “OATS helped him to let go of some of the shame he felt for struggling, as he realized there were many others in the same position. He has joined their digital community, which gives him an incentive to get online and engage with technology.”  

Lisa B. Samalonis is a writer and editor based in New Jersey. She writes about health, parenting, books and personal finance. Read More